It’s very true in many ways where for a person with my personality type I would rarely directly ask for help when needed. Usually I would just toughen up and persevere through whatever trial or tribulation it may be alone. Now everyone has had different life experiences and events that has made them like this, but for many of you the question usually falls along the lines of should you or shouldn’t you take initiative in aiding the person even if they don’t ask? If we are talking about you wanting to build the relationship with them, then my answer is a definite yes. I’ll share with you a story where even for myself this kind of action almost made me want to kiss a girl on the spot. Yes, even for a super reserved person like me who is normally so cautious in allowing people into the deeper zone of my life.
I was working at an event where there was a large team of individuals. For this role you have to interact a lot with others as you answer their questions. Now for whatever reason I began to lose my voice. Maybe it was from talking too much, maybe I caught something while interacting with people….who knows. But eventually, I couldn’t really speak. My teammates began to notice this too and I even brought it up to my supervisor. For the most part I was told “Hey don’t worry about it, only like 2 hours to go.” The person didn’t offer to take me off to recover or to give me a backup helper.
It was an odd situation too as I was like the super knowledgeable guy that everyone came to ask for answers whenever people had difficult and complex questions. So even with my voice dying or being almost dead fellow workers would still come up to me, ask me the questions and then just go off without much consideration. So this was like the epitome of how I just need to get through the day alone.
There was one girl though who I was helping a lot before and she was very appreciative about it. We also seemed to have a good connection too based on the conversations we were having about life and hobbies. It felt like she was trying to get closer to me. She then overheard my talk about me losing my voice and asked if I was okay. I mentioned I wasn’t in terms of the voice but it’s not like I was in any physical pain or anything. She still had a concerned expression on her face though as she walked back to her area.
As the day went by it got so bad that I simply couldn’t even say an audible word. As people came up to me it was almost like I was a traffic control director and had to use like sign language to instruct people how to use things. At the same time, some people in the public thought I was being rude by pointing directions and not actually telling them in words. Whenever I got the feeling they felt that way I spoke with my almost dead voice and then people would be like “Whoa, okay take care of your voice and don’t talk.” Again as well, if people like my supervisor passed by he would just smile and say like “Hang in there, just like an hour to go.”
Then out of nowhere, the girl goes up to my area and starts to try and help all the people around me on top of her own load of work. It was pretty clear that she recognized the struggle I was going through and decided to take initiative to try and help me. Now I talked about how a person like me has a huge wall or guard initially to allow people into my deeper zones where for most it can take forever. In this case though, that one action essentially made me drop all of that immediately. It made me think how she was so authentically caring and compassionate to do that. At the same time, it just resonated so much with a person like me because value wise I often do the same except the situation is reversed.
As the day wrapped up for us she saw me and said in a concerned yet happy tone for me to please take care of my voice. Keep in mind I couldn’t really say anything at the moment either to express my gratitude and such. So all I could really do was smile back. At that moment I really had the urge to want to kiss her on the cheek too as a way of saying thank you and to let her know that if she ever needed anything from me I’ll be there without her needing to ask as well as I trust her in my life. However, I thought it would be a little inappropriate due to the work environment and all.
So this is kind of a funny example huh? With me not being able to literally talk, it’s kind of the perfect example I feel that showcases how much a person like me values the ability of others in being in-tune with me to recognize what I am feeling while having the compassion to take initiative on their own without me necessarily saying a word.
Because like with my example I wrote, if you think about it she was like one out of ten people or so in the bunch who could have done something but chose not to. I find that is a very common scenario. So for myself anyways it further encourages my habit of simply not asking while placing more emphasis and value to those who have the intuition and compassion to take initiative on their own to do something positive for others.