I need help in figuring out what does this Pisces colleague of mine is thinking about. He is 10 years older than me and married with 2 young children. I became strongly attracted to him and also partly due to his good personality. I have never thought of crossing the line but his actions are somehow bothering me. I do find that my feelings are somehow reciprocated by him.
He often come over to my side to discuss work and non work related stuffs, often touching me in some ways like occasional brushing and sitting by my side closely. And also, he likes to stare at me often, our eyes will meet and he doesn’t takes them away as suppose someone will if it is for a casual look. Sometimes his stare is so intense that I often get intimidated by his presence.
But then, he wasn’t a fierce person cause whenever he spoke with me he uses such a gentle tone of voice and he is very caring towards me too. I referred to your past posts and find that he also shares his life with me, like his childhood. And whenever he gets a happy event or sad event, he will tell me about it. If I am not in the office, he’ll text me or call me to let me know. He even brought his young children to work and introduce them to me. Even though his wife is around, she didn’t came by to say hi.
Once, I was with my guy friend and happened to met him along the way. I smiled at him and waved but when he sees me with another guy, he didn’t even smile back at me and just visually acknowledge me and we just walk past each other. I thought that was weird if we are just “colleagues”.
Initially, I got my feelings up in my head and neglected the fact that he is married so I began to treat him really well, looking after him in every way I could. He will also take good care of me and we are really understanding of each other and have a unspoken connection between us.
Till some days, he showed his pictures of his wife and children to us (group of colleagues) on their overseas trip. And he says that he is resigning from his job soon to spend more time with his family. I don’t know why I am experiencing a feeling of being toyed as we are not even having an affair! I do not know how to describe this agonising pain but I do think he likes me too or is it all in my head all these time? What exactly happened?
Is he just trying to get “love” from me by having these behaviours then he is having second thought that I might be too “serious” and decided this is not what he wants and wanted to back off? I am really confuse now as I hope to stop letting him think that I like him so we can continue being friends if this is what he thinks… What does he want? Thank you Alan.
Based on what you wrote, I feel the key moment is the part about him resigning. For the children introduction, did he just introduce them to you only? Like there, if he just introduced you to them and no one else at work then based on what you wrote it plays more of a significance is determining if he wants you in his life more. In general, I would interpret actions like those as simply an action of trust in wanting you to be in the person’s life more.
It’s virtually no different when someone has like a baby where they are excited to show the people who are close to them the new child in their life. Then as an example of a further step many people would insist that the person they really trust in their life to hold/carry the baby for a bit as they want them to develop that bond, so to speak. So this detail doesn’t exactly say he is in love with you as an example, but to me it says he wants you in his life. Even more true if you are the only one he showed them to as mentioned. So you have one in the checkmark there. It’s the circumstance in which he did it that is key here.
The part about him only visually acknowledging you can be important in unlocking the mystery, but it’s one of those things that require other pieces to confirm. For myself, I personally do that at times where I feel I am “insignificant” to whatever else is going on around the other person. That would make sense for him too I feel. Example, you say that he shares stories about his childhood with you as well as other intimate events. These are pretty intimate details and it’s not exactly something you can really intake or have the opportunity to talk about with another if their energy appears to be with someone else. So therefore, it’s a little bit of a disappointment as you would want to talk about things like that but out of respect that you are currently occupied with another person one would just acknowledge you and keep walking.
That part about him resigning and the picture is kind of important here and it may actually answer everything else. Did he tell you that he was planning to resign before everyone else? Because based on everything else you told me he should have told you this first if in his mind he is 100% certain he wants you in his life. Because putting it in context with your situation with the assumption that you are the only person he has talked to in-depth this then means it is like a passive test to see how much you want him in your life per se.
In my view, it’s like one shows and shares this information to everyone as a way to mask who they are really sharing this to as to not look too obvious. The hope is you would then say go up to him and start asking about his future plans, how you two would stay in touch, etc. A quirky example would be like you standing next to me where I happen to have like a bottle of water and you then address a group of people in the room on how you are thirsty but have no money. You also think I care for you and so your hope is I react to this such as offering you the water where then in your mind you could say “Confirmation, he cares for me!”
So to answer the question on what he wants from you, based on what you wrote it sounds like he clearly wants your presence in his life. At the same time, he is unclear as to how much energy you want to dedicate to him. By the sounds of it there is a huge lifestyle gap here too. As you say, he is like 10 years older and has a family. I am guessing you don’t? Therefore, this creates self-doubt in a lot of people where it’s like even though you get along with a person you believe they would much rather spend time and energy on people who are closer to their own demographic per se. So this would all make perfect sense to me. Everything from like showing you the children to establish the situation and then the uncertainties that follows on how you feel about everything as he needs to see your initiative as confirmation it’s a connection you want to maintain.
Whether or not it is something deeper, like say love, is another question as there isn’t anything so far you have written that would lead me to believe he is specifically pushing for that direction. You may say the staring and brushing should indicate it’s something more, but with the circumstance I would be inclined to say it could be simple infatuation of the notion that if he wasn’t already committed someone like you may have been a good match. Almost no different to some married guys admiring how great another woman looks.
So if I were you at this point I would be more focused on whether or not you want to keep the connection as mention. Again, to me it sounds like he is simply unsure how you feel.