What does he want?
Hi Alan, love reading your posts, few months back i fell in love with a sweet pisces guy, but now I feel like I have screwed everything for sure between us. I will tell you from start, I found this sweet person on Facebook accidentally, i liked his profile and found out his cel number which was included in his profile details. I sent him message on whatsapp from my cel, he responded after an hour or two. I initiated chat with him starting with little chit chat. Once he tried to ask me few questions like which movies i like, what kind of politics i like etc. We seemed to get along very nicely, I even became so excited to tell him that I think i was falling in love with him, but he said no we should give it time to see where it all will go..
After two days I called him on his cell to talk to him, although he kept on expressing his hesitation to talk on fone by saying that he is a bit shy guy and can’t properly express himself on fone. So I didn’t press him again for talking on fone and kept to chatting only later. While we talked on fone that one time it was mostly me the whole time to ask him questions, whereas he hardly asked any question from me. Few times it happened that he would be online on messenger for long time but wouldn’t respond to my messages immediately, when i asked him whom he is busy with, he would instead ask me ‘shouldn’t i be busy?’ Or ‘why shouldn’t i be busy?’ Kind of questions to which I answered him that no I don’t like him ignoring me. I even gave him password to my Facebook profile so he can trust me completely. But he showed no enthusiasm or eagerness on that too. Once he told me that I shouldn’t get too close to him because i might get hurt from him, I asked him how and why? He said i will come to know eventually, but still I couldn’t get him though.
We kept chatting with each other for quite sometime like few weeks when we started becoming intimate on messages with each other, or rather i was getting attracted to him physically more, I don’t know why. So once or twice we kind of had cyber/ chat sex too with each other, during which he asked for my half nude pics, I resisted and became angry, but he wouldn’t listen so i did send some. But when we got finished with it he suddenly became furious and told me that i was influencing him in bad way, that he didn’t like the dirty desires or things that he find himself doing with me. After this he blocked me on fb and cell number….. I waited for a week until he returned back and unblock me on his cell and whatsapp. I started messaging him again telling him that how much i cared and wanted him back in my life, I even promised him that I won’t talk about sex with him, he accepted my apologies… But not even a week went by when i got physicaly attracted to him again, i told him that it never happens when i talk to other guys on net etc, then we had chat sex again, followed by regret from him as usual and him blocking me permanently now. Although a few days back he again unblocked me on his cell number only.
Alan im confused by his attitude, i admit that i make mistakes by getting physical with him, but how should I bring him back now? I even tried to approach him from another fb id, but he instantly blocked me after realising it was me probably. Most of the time i try to ignore him too and i forget him, but then suddenly I remember how wonderful he was and i start sending him messages again.. What should i do?
Based on what you wrote it sounds like he isn’t in love with you at all. However, you seem to be fulfilling a fantasy he has of sorts. Think of a stereotypical story book narrative of the types of people one can go out with. Imagine there is a person who wants to find a girl that is “marriage material” where you can bring her home to meet your parents in a good way. This girl isn’t the most “stunning” visually nor is she the most “desired” based on social expectations. But life commitment wise she is perfect. He then meets this “promiscuous girl” who is “all that” in terms of attractiveness but she is definitely not “marriage material” as she has multiple relationships at once and has a harmful lifestyle.
That girl just happens to be all over the guy which is very odd yet so tempting to pursue for many people. They know it won’t be good for them in the long-term but they allow their emotions to guide them where there is a constant struggle to want to get out. That’s kind of the feeling he is expressing it seems based on what you wrote.
Now to relate that more specifically with your scenario, it sounds like he is basically saying he is going to use you in every way to fulfil things like his sexual desires and fantasy as that is all he sees you for. He knows this is “wrong” as you are clearly looking for “love” and so he is being mean and nasty to you in a sense where it’s “your fault” if you still comply with his requests. That’s kind of the age old question that men ask woman on why they are so attracted to people who treat them so bad.
The simple answer is if you want him back then you are going to have to drastically change yourself as a person. To that I would say why would you think that is a good idea? The more important journey I would think for you is to start realizing why you are so attracted to him when he is treating you this way. The better you understand your own emotions the happier you will be in wanting to find people who truly love you for who you are I would say.