This is the 2nd time I have done that when I get drunk I call him and say mean stuffs to him but this time it was my friends who insisted that I should test him and I fell for it after a quite a push. I feel horrible for doing what I did and he answered my call the next day but has disappeared again… I really love him and feel bad that I hurt him.
I don’t know how to apologies to him and I never want to do this again. What do you think – I should do call him or text him or should I wait for him to be back? I do know that he has feelings for me but to support my action I just gave him a vague excuse… hope this doesn’t worsen it for me! If it is just space he wants I’m okay to do that but how do I know if he really wants to be with me I’m not like a person who would force someone but just need the truth… Feeling lost and helpless!
At this point I can only speculate as to what you said to him and the “vague” excuses you mentioned afterwards. The immediate thing that came to my mind is that the worst part is probably the “vague excuse” part. Because if he thinks like me as an example then after your “mean spirited” incident you would tend to be placed under a “phoney” category of sorts where it’s like you are potentially the type of person who smiles when we are face to face but stabs people in the back when they turn around. Giving vague excuses too for your actions doesn’t help that at all but rather emphasizes that point more.
If what I said is true then space really isn’t the answer. Ask yourself, how would you want to be apologized to if the situation was reversed? That should give you the basic foundation on where to start. You can’t expect a person like him to be fully upfront and in the moment with you when you yourself are not that with him if you think about it.
I actually don’t understand what you mean by a test either in terms of saying mean stuff to people. Example, is that supposed to show how much a person will stick with you regardless of how bad one treats them? I know for myself that is a horrible thing to do if you were trying to build a connection as a person like me tends to take things extremely to heart when I feel like opening myself up to people. To say mean spirited stuff as an example after that is like an abuse of trust that was given to you.
If I were you I would say a true to heart to heart letter of some sort would be your best bet. Example, you have to explain in detail with things such as why you are in a sense “weak willed” where you allow others to encourage you to do bad things to others, which in this case was doing stuff to him. Or it’s like explaining too why do you take him for granted where it’s like he is your pet dog of some sort where you assume you can just constantly kick him and somehow he is supposed to magically just treat you like you are someone who cares about him? Would you say an owner “loves” their pet if they did that multiple times as an example?
In my opinion these are the kinds of points you need to address not only for yourself I feel but of course to answer his questions about your character. Generally speaking if the person really wants to be with you then the days should go by where they never want to not be with you per se. Based on what you wrote though of course even from your standpoint in his view you can live without him as you didn’t care to take care of the relationship/connection you two had. It’s up to you though at this point as I can imagine it requires some real vulnerability on your part to be truthful to him. From there it would be up to him.