I’m a Cancer woman who’s recently been dating a Pisces man. We connected on a spiritual level as well as we have a lot in common. He’s so sweet and thoughtful and our physical and sexual connection is overwhelmingly amazing. He asked me to stay the night to cuddle almost immediately after we met and continued to want me to stay. However for the first couple of days we spent together he talked a lot about his ex’s and women he’d slept with.
Although he has touched on that subject in a while, being a Cancer, I don’t know if I’m just someone convenient for him. It seems Pisces men are charming and I don’t want to be fooled. I’ve never dated a Pisces before so I’m not used to his kindness but he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met and I don’t want to ruin this by my characteristics of jealousy so I will say things like you should go out tonight with your buddies because I’m afraid to smother him. He doesn’t beg me to stay but he’s gotten a little short with me or dismissive when I give him space.
I feel like I can’t win bc he doesn’t communicate his feelings yet I can be aloof too as a protection. I guess what I’m asking is, is this his way of saying he wants to be with me by having me stay over or would he tell me? He seems like my perfect man and my natural defense if I feel rejected is to retreat so how do I find out if I’m just another women in this life or if he really does feel I’m special. I see a lot of him in me but I verbally and non verbally communicate well but shut down if I don’t feel he’s heard me.
Ugh… but he’s worth my doing whatever is needed as long as he’s not playing me. Thanks
Your question kind of has two parts to it I feel. One we are trying to determine if this person is being authentic with you and two what are the ways a guy can show you that that he likes you.
Now generally speaking I am going to try and break this down to you based on the people I have seen combined with a person like myself who is looking for “the one” where I have more of a reserved personality. The first big factor to think about when it comes to a person like me is that the barrier to entry when it comes to me wearing my heart on my sleeve is extremely high compared to most other men. So theoretically it should take you a very long time to navigate the maze you are in. Now if for some reason you just zoomed past it I think it is important to understand and know why.
Example, what button did you press that enabled you to get through that barrier so easily? Emotionally speaking this could range from things like you had a similar life experience as he did to a tee or that you did something that resonated with him a lot. If you don’t know the answer to this then that is something you should try and find out. If you are telling me there was no such thing as he just came onto you really fast then that is when I would be super skeptical as that would seem more like he wants something.
I would imagine that when a person talks about their ex’s a lot and the amount of people they slept with so quickly that is a test of sorts of tolerance and acceptance to know whether to proceed or not. If this is a non-factor for you with what he told you then I would imagine for him that is a sign from you that you are okay with things like being very physically intimate even if it doesn’t work out in the end.
Now taking away the factor that there may be anything dubious here for a person with my personality type one of the worst thing you can do I feel is to push the person away when they want to be with you. If that happened to me as an example I wouldn’t fight you about it either. However, you have now essentially created “doubt” in my mind if you are “the one” where I now need to see even more consistent actions in a good way to conclude that was just an isolated incident of sort. Essentially, I wouldn’t really express that to you either with words where it’s more if it happens too many times then I will be gone only for most to wonder what the heck happened.
To give you an example of why it can hurt so much a visual example that pops in my head is a scenario I saw in a restaurant. I was at a table that was fairly large and in the middle happened to be one of those glass turning mechanisms that allow people to easily move various dishes in-front of them to pick out food from the dishes. Now normally at times out of politeness people turn it for others too. In this case there was a child at the table who was like three years old and he picked up on this gesture.
So what happened was he would place his hand on the table and turn it to the first person with a smile. However, the person said no thank you. He then turned the food to another person hoping they would take it. Again, they said no thank you. He tried it for the third time and again the person said no thank you. You can then immediately see that the child’s head went downward in sadness as he wanted to show love and care this way only to be rejected by everyone. Everyone picked up on that pretty fast though and immediately started to take items from the dishes he turned and said thank you which made him happy.
So imagine this situation if people couldn’t pick up on that cue. More than likely that child isn’t going to say anything either but rather feel rejected by the people who he feels should care for him. In essence this is the exact same type of emotion I say when you reject a person like this in wanting to spend time with you. The magnitude of disappointment and hurt is more extreme depending on how securely tight the person normally is before being very open to you.
Again, taking away the factor that there may be anything dubious here for a person like me to want to stay over as you say is pretty huge in my mind. Although, just speaking for myself I probably wouldn’t ever say something like “Hey, come over and let’s cuddle” as for me that is way too direct and doesn’t fit my personal style of allowing things to happen naturally. The stereotypical example would be more there was a purpose for coming over such as we both wanted to watch a movie together and due to things like comfort level together we just naturally started to say cuddle. A person like me would most likely not say “I like you” but instead show it through action.
So the signal that a guy like me “likes you” is as simple as I want to spend time with you while trying to find ways to make time to be with you. If we are talking about “love” here then that is a different can of worms in many ways. Example, that is all about having things such as a level of understanding of you as a person with those constant moments to treat you like the most special person in the world. If that is what you are trying to find out then you just need to analyze consistency without “playing games” is what people would say.
Example, don’t test a person like me to see if I love you by purposely saying you are busy when you are not to see how I bad I want to spend time with you. It will backfire. Instead, just be open to the energy the person is giving you and see how consistent it is. What exactly do you feel are the parts where you say he doesn’t hear you as an example? That is more about you and your expectations on what to expect out of a man per se and it is your own prerogative of course.
But the bottom line is consistency. How is he with you when he is happy, mad, frustrated and so forth? In my opinion there is no shortcut to this. But ultimately the essence of the actions should be the same where in many ways you can say being with you is like a lifestyle that is a part of his life which he embraces as opposed to treating it like an activity of sorts. That’s what you need to identity if that is the case or not I feel.