Pisces Slowly Committing or Am I Wasting Time?

Bluembc Asks:

So I (Libra sun, Pisces Moon) been best friend with this (Pisces sun, Gemini Moon) about a year before we hook up. There was always that sexual tension but because he was dating my friend (an Aquarius) I got rid of those thoughts/feelings. Even toward the end of their relationship, I was doing my best to hold them together. Trying to be good friends to both. They were on and off for a while. I did seriously distance myself emotionally from him so that I could still be there for him. So anyways, the problem arise a few week after he officially broke up.

We both got pretty drunk and we end up sleeping together. I thought it was one night stand or a rebound. So I didn’t give it much thought. Though before he left that day he said, “I don’t know about you, but I was only thinking of you this whole time.” Again, I thought he was probably trying to get over his ex and needed me as his anchor. So anyways, his ex find out about our relationship and cut off her friendship with me. I personally didn’t care because I was more close to the Pisces guy than I was with her. Anyways, it been over four months now. He would come over to hang out or stay over almost every night. We would always go eat at diner after his night shift from work. We practically act like we’re in a relationship.

I remember during valentine he told me he was not ready to admit that he love me yet. Then a few weeks after that he did confess. Though he said he can’t give me long term because he will enlist in the military and he does not want to see me go through that with him. He said he watched how hard it was for his mom and he doesn’t want me to go through the same. I completely understand but I told him let just live in the now. If something is going to happens it will and we will just have to deal with it then. Even though we didn’t define our relationship, I did make sure that I want it to be exclusive and if there is a third person involve. I’ll end it immediately.

He is very affectionate and very intimate. He said this is the first time he felt such balance of independent and intimacy in a relationship before. Recently I found out that he called me his gf to his coworker. Though many people say this is not a “healthy relationship” but I beg to differ. Though we don’t “define” what it is, we are loyal to each other. We are supportive of each other emotionally and we tend to each other need physically. I was sick and he came over, brought me food and cuddle me to bed.

One thing I’m glad about is we communicate and is honest with each other. When we don’t want something we say it. For example I tease him about how what happen in summer stays in summer. He got pretty piss and was told me it does not. That I better behave. lol. I guess there is no point asking him to be in a relationship with me because I know why he does not want to fully commit. Though we practically are already. He can get a territorial and I can be somewhat possessive at time. He also doesn’t go around to party like he use to.

He spend most of his day either working or his hobbies. I guess if it somehow work in his mind this way and it bring no harm to other then why not? I am happy with the way things are. Is it far fetch for me to believe that we’re both slowly committing to each other or am I wasting time?

Bluembc,

It’s tricky to give you an answer here as the immediate reaction would be to say what others say where you are potentially a rebound. It is a little strange to hear someone say a line such as “I am not ready to admit I love you” as it seems tactical in many ways. Because of that I am personally inclined to say that while things like him going to the military are probably true, to me it feels like these things are brought up as an excuse for him to cut off the relationship if he gets “uninterested” in you, so to speak. To me, that is a sign that everything here so far is one of those “in the moment” scenario for him where he is keeping his commitment distance for himself.

Are you wasting your time? The bottom line is what do you want out of this relationship? In one end you mention you are happy with the way things are. So in that sense what is your underlying need to look deeper into the situation as opposed to living it day by day which you expressed you are okay with? If you have a clear goal which is commitment for example where you two will have a family then it’s more about whether or not you would be okay with the possibility of him being oversees and trying to maintain a relationship together since that is his current excuse for a long-term relationship.

If you say to him yes on all these things and he still says no then that is again up to you on what you are looking for to consider this a waste of time or not. Almost no different than some people saying they never want to have kids and the other does. It then turns into a scenario of wishing and hoping to try and change the other. In my opinion, you need to genuinely crush and solve every excuse he has in a natural way until he gives you a genuine answer that you are truly looking for.