Am I Pisces safety net, or is he building a long term relationship foundation
I just want to warn you, and fellow readers, this may be a long message 🙂 I am a Cancerian female.
I met this Pisces man about 5/6 months ago, – through a mutual colleague, not a blind date, but in a professional capacity. He has his own business, as do i, and needed his expertise on computer software. After him delaying and changing dates to meet with me,which i know realise is how he is, not a personal thing, we end up having a 3 hour meeting and its like we have known each other for years, we click immediately, and its full on eye contact and everything, the conversation flows, we have the same interests, even the same cultural background and good, healthy upbringing.. We end up chatting about work and our follow up meeting every week or so, not daily texts, but when we see each other, its nonstop talking for hours.
At our third meeting he says we should go for lunch or something sometime, once he comes back from his trip out of town. So aweek passes and i havent heard from him, but I see on social media he has posted a picture of him an another woman looking very lovey dovey. As a cancerian, you can imagine how this upset me, as i thought we were on a path to something, slowly, but something. Let me add here, i knew he had a very bad break up before, he and his girlfriend of 3 years have been broken up for a year, and she moved on straight away, cheated on him, and he went into a serious depression, couldnt get out of bed and the likes.
Anyway long story short, i say nothing and he comes to our next meeting and brings up lunch again, but obviously nothing was said about the woman. A few weeks later he messaged me and said right, tomorrow lets do lunch, so we did, another 5 hour lunch (of which we split the bill haha so no date) but he ended up telling me about his ex and how she broke his heart, not too in depth, until over the weeks that followed. In the last 2 months, we have been chatting everyday since, sharing images; links; articles on line; his deep feelings, intense stuff, that i love to hear about, because i feel he can tell me this stuff, one day he sends me a message thanking me for listening to him, and allowing him to be vulnerable, and for me to not judge him or criticise him and understand him means a lot!” i should be important right?
So here is my question (finally i know 🙂 Is he building a foundation here for something serious when he is ready, or am i the buffer/safety net to build up his ego. Because i really do have feelings for him, and i don’t want to pressurize him or make it awkward for either of us. But we have discussed everything involving future relationships almost “indirectly” never “you” or “i” its a lot of “we” talk from his side. But why hasnt he made a move or asked me to dinner or a date. When we go out for lunch or meetup, he never takes a picture of us and posts it? He is hiding me, or does he not want people asking questions because he is unsure of how I/he feels?
Just today, what inspired me to ask you the question, a fellow pisces male, who can honestly dissect the situation, he has posted another picture of him and a girl he told me he isn’t interested in, of which i asked him earlier if he is and he said no.. so is he doing it to get a reaction out of me, for me to make the first move, or does he not even know what he is doing to me by posting the pic? I feel like i am good enough to open up to for all his feelings and emotions and help him through this difficult time, but i also don’t want to be
b) strung long
c) waste my time.
Am i not good enough to date because i dont play the “chase game” but im good enough for everything else? How is this fair to me? To develop feelings for someone and share such intimate details with me, only for him to share moments i want with him, he has with other woman?
Please help 🙁
Merry Christmas! In some ways I would be inclined to say you are “dating” already. Example, I was a little confused about the splitting the bill part where you consider that as a non-date as a result. Speaking for a person like myself I don’t usually go on “dates” in the traditional sense. With the way I usually only open up to people who I feel are genuine and all just spending time is the “date” in a sense. Of course we can’t jump to conclusions if this is going to turn into a “romantic” thing but if you have the opportunity to spend time while getting to know him and vice versa that can be the date in many ways.
That is also why I usually suggest to people that if you are specifically trying to say build a relationship with a person like myself it’s probably best to go with the activity inviting route. To a person like me anyways classifying something as a “date” is too much pressure to have to give you an immediate answer when it is preferred to learn about you organically and naturally. Now if one keeps rejecting your invites and not trying to find alternative ways to like make up for it then you should be concerned.
For things like the pictures of you two I would say the simple explanation is he is ”unsure” about you at the moment and doesn’t want to commit to giving it attention. Because imagine it doesn’t work out and then he has all these pictures of you two like a close friend or couple of sorts. In many ways it is emotionally “safer” to then just walk away if it doesn’t work.
Now how that makes sense with the other girl can be of either two things I feel. It could be that he actually sees her as nothing more than a “friend” or “colleague” and so the relationship is clearly defined. Or it could be that he is getting closer to her as you kind of implied. But wither way to me it sounds like you are doing fine building the relationship so far even though it may be unorthodox compared to traditional standards.
Now the real question is are you content going at a snail’s pace to find out if this is more or do you want to speed things up per se? If you say you want to speed it up then I would say as usual find some kind of activity that you know that you both enjoy and take initiative in inviting him to it where you kind of know he is free. His reaction to that will say a ton to the point where you don’t really need to stress on how he feels about you. As usual, you shouldn’t ever have to try too hard.