Personality And Mindset

How A Pisces Observes Actions And Characters All The Time To Confirm

pisces man mysterious

By now you have probably read a lot of literature to the point where it seems like a person with my personality type never seems to take that extra step to see whether or not my relationship with you is something that should be fostered or to try and find out more about you unless you approach me first. In a way that is true and untrue at the same time. I actually do approach people all the time except it is in the form of being the observer in many cases where I allow myself to be placed into a situation to do so. For this example I will use an example of observing and evaluating if a person and I should in sense be friends.

Awhile ago there was a person who I worked with where for the most part we got along well. He appeared to be one of those people who would always work hard and never complain about it which I respect as I appreciate people who give it their all. Often times I would see as well where it looked like people were taking advantage of his generosity but he didn’t seem to mind. It’s times like this that I would actually observe to see if that is consistently true in all cases. Therefore, I don’t want to just jump in and interfere.

He would at times vent out in a kind of humorous way how he can’t believe certain things are broken, how ridiculous the work is at times and so forth. So actions like these would tell me that is how he handles stress as an example.

One part that stood out to me was how one day we had a lot of boxes that contained items that needed to be taken out. So, as expected we got to work and started to unpack everything. While we were both working at a good pace what I noticed was that he was sweating. From what I gathered he wasn’t on the fit side and so I would assume that physical activities would tend to be harder for him. But at the same time he didn’t complain about it and essentially tried to keep up with everyone else.

This may seem like a really small detail, but to me that is pretty big in terms of observing someone for consistency. Afterwards even I told him to relax if he needed to. While this showed me he was definitely a hard worker per se I have not yet uncovered “why” he is this way. Something came up not too long after as the topic of renewing a driver’s licence came up. He decided to show myself and another girl it as he said he feels that he looks way different.

Sure enough he did and I openly reacted on how he has lost a ton of weight. As I said that he had a light smile on his face and acknowledged the weight loss. Observing that one action suddenly opened up so many details about him. In context with everything else it showed me how things like weight and appearance was a rather big issue for him as in many ways it probably makes him feel insecure as to how people perceived him.

Again, to me it put everything in perspective. You may say that’s crazy how one little smile can show something like that but really that is how we all communicate to a certain extent I feel. So from then on I felt that I pretty much knew the type of person I was dealing with. Again, if you think about it like here I did everything passively where I simply allowed things to happen to determine if the person is truly a certain way or not.

Now for him he decided that he wanted to grow into a specific position of the company. Therefore, the day came when he had to get transferred to a different place as an opportunity came up for the exact position he was looking for.

We stayed in touch and from the stories he told me things weren’t going as he hoped. Apparently the people he had to supervise had very bad knowledge and work ethic to the point where he just did everything himself. Literally, he wouldn’t actually discipline people and would stay at work longer without getting paid for it to try and make things work. I could tell that he was stressing a lot over it. So I decided to do something about it.

Unannounced, I arrived at the new place he worked at with regular street clothes on a day I was free but knew that he was working. I indeed saw the mess and disorganization he was talking about. So, I got to work and started to organize everything. Some of the staff was wondering what the heck I was doing at first. So while I was organizing the stuff he came out and was shocked to see me. He was stunned and asked why I was there. In a funny way I just said “I am here to help you fool.” He then responded by saying “I can tell but why?” My simple answer was “Cause you obviously needed a little help.” It looked like he was going to cry on the spot or something. He was definitely happy that someone actually took the time to help. But from what I observed he seemed genuine and so I am more than happy to try and help people like that in need.

We actually didn’t stay in touch that much as you would imagine. In many ways just like everything else I don’t actively try and push for things but rather I let it happen naturally. But funny enough at times we would randomly bump into each other and he is often very enthusiastic in wanting to hangout. Whenever I ask him questions too or to potentially go on some crazy adventure he seems to be all for it.

There was actually two moments in life that I observed after that kind of dictated whether or not we would be like best buds as an example. About a year after I actually had one of the worst things happen to me in my life where any support would have been great from the people around me. Coincidentally I bumped into him and we caught up on what has been happening. He learned about my situation and mentioned that he would show up for support on the day of the event. However, he never did. You could say that he forgot and such, but if I was to reverse that in this scenario I would have made it a priority in a sense. So from that action my interpretation would be something along the lines of this is simply like a colleague kind of relationship as opposed to a friend. Of course, as usual I tend to want to see more than one action.

The last example actually involved him. Out of random one day he posted on his social media site on how he was looking in the mirror and realized how he needs to lose weight. To me this was very serious emotionally for him as based on past observation it’s an issue that roots deeply with him. While it seemed like most people simply gave him the “you can do it” type of support I specifically told him that if he actually wanted someone to be there to help him with it that he can just let me know and I’ll fully support him the best I can.

What happened was that he didn’t respond which was semi expected based on my personal understanding of him from the past. That’s a reason why I just dropped by his place of work as an example in the first scenario. However, this time I didn’t because I understand it is a very personal issue in many ways where many can feel “embarrassed” in allowing others to help them with the issue. So in many ways, to me if he actually reached out and accepted my help then it would say a lot in terms of the “role” he wants people to be in his life. Ultimately he decided to trek it alone.

So I have now essentially observed three different scenarios that involved times when we each potentially needed help from people I guess you can say. From all these observations to me it mapped out as life intended us to be like good hangout buddies from time to time.

So a person like myself definitely takes noticed and observes all the small details and actions that one throws out there. What you put out there and the direction you take is yours of course. But for myself it’s often about observing consistent actions rather than relying on words. To relate this more to a couple’s relationship, since that is often the theme of the questions I get, is it safe to say that if a person like me all of a sudden doesn’t like jump in to help the person that something is wrong with the relationship? It’s not necessarily that there is something wrong with it per se but rather based on observations of actions it’s safe to say that a person like me feels the path has been blocked in some way and so I won’t fight it. You can essentially open that door whenever you wish through your actions.

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9 Comments

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  • Nice post. Your natural observant behavior is surely something admirable as it is rare.

    Something to consider is that people that don’t have such a keen eye would help someone in need not through confirmation but rather by taking a risk.

    Let me explain.

    You made the careful assumption that your friend would’ve appreciated extra help, however, in the other scenario about him wanting to lose weight you decided not to help because you thought he didn’t necessarily want the help from someone. But what if you would have called him or something and asked him if he was up to work out with you one day as a means to help him and catch up? What I mean is sometimes people are too embarrassed to ask for help (as you mentioned that he might’ve felt embarressed about his issue) or maybe they don’t even know that they need/want help untill it actually shows up, and during those situations it’s hard to confirm that they want the help because they don’t show it enough for you to make the safe conclusion that they do. This is where others would take the “chance” or risk of going in and helping without being anywhere certain that it’s what the person wants. Would you ever take that risk without having a confirmation? I mean him posting his problem on social media for the public to see is kinda an indicator that he wants help and that might not be a big enough indicator for someone to go off by but some would still use it to take the chance and help even if he really didn’t want the help.

    So for extra perspective, the people that think your personality type won’t make the first approach, can mean it as in you rarely choose to take a “risk” because you have to be pretty certain you know what a person wants for you to offer it to them, whereas other people can’t afford to act in that way, given they are not as observant and thus have less to go off by when they make an approach, making it more of a risk for them to approach that person. In other words, when reaching out to someone some people take more of a risk of coming off intrusive and making them feel defensive because they truly didn’t want the help.

    So to restate my question, would you ever take the risk of helping someone without having sufficient confirmation that they want it? Excluding close friends and relatives.

    I hope this makes any sense.

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  • Dear Alan, that was a nice heartwarming story you’ve shared. I could totally feel your friend at how he struggled to do everything by himself at work. Your observations and intuitions about him are spot on. The only part is where you say you thought he don’t mind about the extra work he was doing. For a person like this, they really really mind. Inside their heart, they feel hurt, they keep questioning themselves why are the ones always clearing up others mess. Then they may start to console themselves because I am a slow learner, I am not a bright person so I need to do more to keep up with them. Sometimes, they also couldn’t find the courage to confront these person who are taking advantage of their kindness. And then, when you offered the helping hand to him and you being a listener, it is already a huge thing to do for them. That is where he will use humorous ways to downside his frustrations. If you think about it, you are in fact helping him to relieve stress just by really listening to him and even not saying anything. I think I could picture those scenes like how touched he was when you showed up and how your soft eye contact and your attention could provide therapeutic effects. Talking to a person like you just gives someone a feeling of… Wow! He totally understands me on what I am experiencing and he actually took time to listen to me while others are just oblivious to the stuff I have done for them.
    The issue you mentioned that he did not show up could be he thinks that he doesn’t have the ability to help you much, as you mentioned he was kind of having an inferior concept about his own self worth. To share my own experience, a past colleague of mine wanted to catch up with me and she frequently voiced out to me that how she couldn’t get a job that she wanted, as she resigned from the current place without securing another place. I would very much wanted to meet her up and buy her lunch and helping her to keep a lookout for her ideal job. But it just happens that I am also in a stressful period in my life, I would avoid meeting her instead when she really plan to date to see me. I rather just communicate my concern over messaging because I actually had a fear that she would “borrow” money from me. As I know I am a person who couldn’t say no to someone else face to face. It might sound funny like how I am over thinking but this is how I am.
    The part that you mentioned about not responding to your social media message I actually was laughing hard. So sorry Alan, but it is hilarious as I thought Pisces are the ones who doesn’t like to reply to messages because the message intended was delivered. ? I agree that the word help is very sensitive especially for people who often underestimate themselves. Furthermore, you have always always been there for him when he needs you. He thinks that he is really taking too much from you already.
    I find it kind of ironic as why do you think that people who come to you for their problems are ways to build a bond with you better? As you mentioned you think he decided to trek it alone, I kinda intepret it as since you decided not to open up to me I assume you don’t need me in your life. Please kindly advise Alan. ?
    Also, in my own case, I actually told him I need some help but he just said he will but end up he didn’t.

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  • Very well said Alan, useful information about pisces men with your personality mindset. It just explains why sometimes a pisces friend comes forward to help us out of no where suddenly, and sometimes he is confused that wether or not we need his help. And it also shows your personality’s sensitivity towards every action and words or body language of the person that you interact with or you care about. I can relate to it as my father who is half Pisces born on cusp, is very sensitive and caring about everyone around him. But sometimes i have noticed that in some grave matters where his help is really needed, he seems to retreat mostly because of confusion maybe. In those instances me or my mother who understands him better now, we come forward, share about the whole situation with him again, give him important details and let him know how much his help is needed, it is then that he gives his 100% help to the situation, doing whatever is in his capacity. So you need to let a pisces guy know in detail sometimes that how much his help will be appreciated. Even if its not in his hands to help you, know for sure that you will get his 100% sympathies with you.
    @ocean , i agree with you that sometimes when you cannot help someone, you would rather like to avoid facing her than telling her on face that you cannot help her, you can’t handle to see her getting hurt more. But I understand from what Alan means is that there is always a little bit extra courage inside every person which helps us to stand with our friend or show our support even when we hesitate because we feel that we don’t have the means or sources or courage to help him. As we know pisces are sensitive souls themselves and they need some extra reassurance in a positive way, so bringing up some courage to show up for their help will always mean great deal for them. This is my understanding of what Alan just implemented in his post.
    In the end i conclude that pisces are wonderful souls, when you find a genuine and nice pisces guy, do not doubt his intentions or loyalty towards you in any condition. Wheter he shows up to help you or not. In both cases. ?

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  • Marlin,

    In many ways the answer to your question is already in the post such as with the showing up at the person’s new place of work. Technically I had no more or less information in both scenarios before deciding to take action or not.

    It’s not about taking risk or chance through assessment or the lack of it for my example personally. It’s more about personally understanding/interpreting basic human emotions and making a personal judgement call as to what a person potentially needs. Example, the second issue about the weight is more about one’s personal “demons” here where often times one must learn to fight it themselves first. To be clear too he even admitted after that it was something he felt he had to do alone which would make perfect sense to me. Like saying there is a huge difference from a person who needs logistical help on the best ways to exercise versus someone who doesn’t have the motivation in life to do it period. That motivation in many ways requires self-discovery as the long-term solution.

    Ocean,

    I do agree with you that people like him do mind about the extra work in a sense which is why I mentioned how I felt about the way he treated stress by venting out in humorous ways. Like there for me anyways it was about reading through that. So I am not sure if you read it that way as well from my perspective or if you were just adding to it.

    Actually, it’s kind of interesting you mentioned about the listening part and such on top of maybe he didn’t have the ability to help. Cause for my situation anyways it didn’t require people to do anything but to be present. I think the easiest comparison would be if you are injured and the person says they will visit then it’s all about the “checking in” as it’s the thought that counts. So in context of the post it was a factor that helped me evaluate the type of role this friendship should be in a sense.

    I am actually confused about the part where you say you are laughing about the social media message as it wasn’t me who wrote it and I might be reading your message too literally when figuratively you may be saying something else.

    In terms of building a bond in general with people who come up to me with their problems I recognize that even for myself if I ever decided to be open like that to someone then that is a big sense of trust. With that trust I have passed on to you it is entirely up to you on what one would want to do with it. In my mindset anyways it takes a lot of courage and trust for someone to just drop all of their guard to then authentically and clearly express how they are truly thinking or feeling. Generally speaking most people wouldn’t want to do that as they want to continue to look say “tough” in-front of everyone as an example or they feel that revealing their true self will cause people to dislike them.

    So to me because I understand the feeling of it I am more inclined to treat it with the utmost care and attention as the person has to in a sense trust me a lot to do that. I am basically giving one the same energy that they are giving me in a sense too if you think about it.

    I think for your case too if you say you asked for help and he didn’t do it then you are kind of like me in this situation where the person didn’t show up. From there we each need to make our own decisions as to how to classify the friendship/relationship per se based on the actions we see.

    Flower,

    It sounds like you really understood the underlying messages overall. 😀 The only thought I would add for the example of your dad, which relates to observations and all, is maybe at times it has to do with him just thinking that the current direction is best as he wants the best for everyone, unless you specifically clarify otherwise as you mentioned. The stereotypical way of thinking of it is like saying maybe you needed help to get good at a sport and you already know tons of people who can help you with that so there is no point in a person like him to help you.

    However, if you make it abundantly clear for example that you need his presence that will give you the strength and motivation to excel and more then that changes the mentality. Almost like the parents showing up at the kid’s sports game or something where the presence can mean so much which many people can be oblivious to.

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  • Yes Alan, I read that in your way of perspective and thus shared with you the uncanny way of evaluating someone too on my own experiences with people that are identical to me. I like to downsize my own problems in a humorous way to give a false front to others that I can still take it. But most of the time it is just to not let others worry about me. ?

    I am not quite sure how to put it in a good way but hope you could understand what I meant its like: If we are natural givers in a relationship, we actually “don’t” expect the other person to do dramatic things for us in return but in a way we just hope that the other person will be there for us too when we need it as in a sense of presence. I get what you are trying to convey in this aspect. But the ironic thing I was thinking is that if both the person are natural givers, it is paradoxical because I am waiting for you to come and seek my help and you at another end waiting for me to come and seek your help. An example is: we are now no longer working in the same place I can’t exactly know what you go through to help you without you asking anymore. Haha… so somehow it’s like opposites do attract instead as same poles of the magnet repels each other more in a sense.

    About the social media thingy, don’t worry too much about it as it just reminds me of my own funny question when I ask you why didn’t he respond to me when I was expecting an answer. So therefore when you said that you specifically told him you will be there to lend a hand and he didn’t give a reply. If I am him, I would jump and actually be super elated and think of ways that we could keep fit together.

    You are very right in saying that in order to form a bond, trust has to be built and one has to essentially clear the guard towards another person. For my case anyway, it isn’t that I don’t trust him as I mentioned last time. In fact, I drop that ego of mine to actually approach him and to be the initiator of conversations. But due to his on and off behaviours I start to protect myself again because it really hurts me as it took a lot for my character to open up to someone. I really don’t wish to form a relationship where a casual remark of mine I said might trigger a fragile spot of his and he don’t say it where I don’t know what exactly happen too. Just like how you mentioned in the other post about the word “dork”. Therefore, more reasons for me to be passive nowadays.

    I like the last paragraph that you said too, that we could only based on more actions to further clarify the whys. But I am no longer persistent in it as that is all in the past and I learn to live in the present and look forward to the future. To wrap things up, I understand your post but commented because I just wanted to throw in some of my similar experiences. ?

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  • Yes, I agree that self-growth is sometimes accomplished idenpendently, without direct help from others, I just personally haven’t figured out how to make that decision for other people. It’s hard to figure out how much help is too much for me.

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  • Ocean,

    I was trying to think of that scenario of two natural givers and your example of being in a different workplace. I understand what you are saying of course. I feel personally that the example of two natural givers who both say stand there because each person is waiting for the other comes down more to the trust/connection one has for the other in their life as opposed to one’s giving personality per se.

    It’s kind of like with your work example. Yes it is true that I wouldn’t exactly know what you are specifically going through and what help you need unless you specifically ask me. But in this case I feel you and I should have to naturally have the desire in a sense put equal effort as opposed to if it’s like you have an issue then I am like just standing there until you come up to me.

    Like for me the first thing at bare minimum that I should do is be involved in your life. That doesn’t mean I need to physically be there with you either. Just for the sake of example with the story I shared like for you maybe you had like some kind of a social media presence too and because we don’t see each other like every day or whatever that is my way of staying in-tune with you. So I am basically doing my part as one half of the connection.

    Now the other factor is your openness as to what you want to share with me. To me anyways with this example of us working in different places that is probably the only barrier that stops me from offering you whatever I can to like help you in the moment of despair. It’s like saying there if you don’t post anything or give me access to that information how in the world would I know what is going on? Of course I am just going to be the guy that stands there and waits until you come to me as an example.

    Even if you posted something as little as “hard day at work” then like for me I would probably ask what did you do and it goes from there because I would genuinely be interested in finding out what is happening in your life. That’s how I see it personally when it comes to two “givers” being at a standstill as it comes down more to an imbalance in the level of trust/connection I feel.

    Just a quick comment about like a fragile spot. For context too that particular situation involved a person who was well aware of like my life experiences. Would be like you specifically telling me you were forced to eat say a rat or something as punishment as a child which was traumatic for you. Then one day we are rushing to a place where you and I see a rat running across the street. I then without thinking joked on how I am going to make you eat that if you don’t run faster. It’s one thing if I didn’t know about it and another if you actually told me.

    So you shouldn’t let something like that stop you from say connecting with another I feel anyways. 😀 Otherwise it’s like you are automatically saying no for them. When you go to a new place there is always a chance you could unintentionally offend someone as an example as people think differently. I don’t think it would be a reason to always stay at home yourself though.

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  • It has always been an eye opening experience for me after reading your comments. ? It seems so easy for you to be able to find the ultimate answers that one is not capable of doing it alone. Saying that you are amazing is an understatement.

    Thank you for your encouragement once again on telling me ways to nurture those bondings I have with these special people in my life! ?

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  • Happy to help. ? Oh, is that an empty tree you have too? If so here. ?????? Just a funny example since I was talking about observations and all. Like if I couldn’t see that your tree was empty I wouldn’t have known that you were like in the have no more apples metaphor scenario. See, you don’t even need to ask either ?

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