By now you have probably read a lot of literature to the point where it seems like a person with my personality type never seems to take that extra step to see whether or not my relationship with you is something that should be fostered or to try and find out more about you unless you approach me first. In a way that is true and untrue at the same time. I actually do approach people all the time except it is in the form of being the observer in many cases where I allow myself to be placed into a situation to do so. For this example I will use an example of observing and evaluating if a person and I should in sense be friends.
Awhile ago there was a person who I worked with where for the most part we got along well. He appeared to be one of those people who would always work hard and never complain about it which I respect as I appreciate people who give it their all. Often times I would see as well where it looked like people were taking advantage of his generosity but he didn’t seem to mind. It’s times like this that I would actually observe to see if that is consistently true in all cases. Therefore, I don’t want to just jump in and interfere.
He would at times vent out in a kind of humorous way how he can’t believe certain things are broken, how ridiculous the work is at times and so forth. So actions like these would tell me that is how he handles stress as an example.
One part that stood out to me was how one day we had a lot of boxes that contained items that needed to be taken out. So, as expected we got to work and started to unpack everything. While we were both working at a good pace what I noticed was that he was sweating. From what I gathered he wasn’t on the fit side and so I would assume that physical activities would tend to be harder for him. But at the same time he didn’t complain about it and essentially tried to keep up with everyone else.
This may seem like a really small detail, but to me that is pretty big in terms of observing someone for consistency. Afterwards even I told him to relax if he needed to. While this showed me he was definitely a hard worker per se I have not yet uncovered “why” he is this way. Something came up not too long after as the topic of renewing a driver’s licence came up. He decided to show myself and another girl it as he said he feels that he looks way different.
Sure enough he did and I openly reacted on how he has lost a ton of weight. As I said that he had a light smile on his face and acknowledged the weight loss. Observing that one action suddenly opened up so many details about him. In context with everything else it showed me how things like weight and appearance was a rather big issue for him as in many ways it probably makes him feel insecure as to how people perceived him.
Again, to me it put everything in perspective. You may say that’s crazy how one little smile can show something like that but really that is how we all communicate to a certain extent I feel. So from then on I felt that I pretty much knew the type of person I was dealing with. Again, if you think about it like here I did everything passively where I simply allowed things to happen to determine if the person is truly a certain way or not.
Now for him he decided that he wanted to grow into a specific position of the company. Therefore, the day came when he had to get transferred to a different place as an opportunity came up for the exact position he was looking for.
We stayed in touch and from the stories he told me things weren’t going as he hoped. Apparently the people he had to supervise had very bad knowledge and work ethic to the point where he just did everything himself. Literally, he wouldn’t actually discipline people and would stay at work longer without getting paid for it to try and make things work. I could tell that he was stressing a lot over it. So I decided to do something about it.
Unannounced, I arrived at the new place he worked at with regular street clothes on a day I was free but knew that he was working. I indeed saw the mess and disorganization he was talking about. So, I got to work and started to organize everything. Some of the staff was wondering what the heck I was doing at first. So while I was organizing the stuff he came out and was shocked to see me. He was stunned and asked why I was there. In a funny way I just said “I am here to help you fool.” He then responded by saying “I can tell but why?” My simple answer was “Cause you obviously needed a little help.” It looked like he was going to cry on the spot or something. He was definitely happy that someone actually took the time to help. But from what I observed he seemed genuine and so I am more than happy to try and help people like that in need.
We actually didn’t stay in touch that much as you would imagine. In many ways just like everything else I don’t actively try and push for things but rather I let it happen naturally. But funny enough at times we would randomly bump into each other and he is often very enthusiastic in wanting to hangout. Whenever I ask him questions too or to potentially go on some crazy adventure he seems to be all for it.
There was actually two moments in life that I observed after that kind of dictated whether or not we would be like best buds as an example. About a year after I actually had one of the worst things happen to me in my life where any support would have been great from the people around me. Coincidentally I bumped into him and we caught up on what has been happening. He learned about my situation and mentioned that he would show up for support on the day of the event. However, he never did. You could say that he forgot and such, but if I was to reverse that in this scenario I would have made it a priority in a sense. So from that action my interpretation would be something along the lines of this is simply like a colleague kind of relationship as opposed to a friend. Of course, as usual I tend to want to see more than one action.
The last example actually involved him. Out of random one day he posted on his social media site on how he was looking in the mirror and realized how he needs to lose weight. To me this was very serious emotionally for him as based on past observation it’s an issue that roots deeply with him. While it seemed like most people simply gave him the “you can do it” type of support I specifically told him that if he actually wanted someone to be there to help him with it that he can just let me know and I’ll fully support him the best I can.
What happened was that he didn’t respond which was semi expected based on my personal understanding of him from the past. That’s a reason why I just dropped by his place of work as an example in the first scenario. However, this time I didn’t because I understand it is a very personal issue in many ways where many can feel “embarrassed” in allowing others to help them with the issue. So in many ways, to me if he actually reached out and accepted my help then it would say a lot in terms of the “role” he wants people to be in his life. Ultimately he decided to trek it alone.
So I have now essentially observed three different scenarios that involved times when we each potentially needed help from people I guess you can say. From all these observations to me it mapped out as life intended us to be like good hangout buddies from time to time.
So a person like myself definitely takes noticed and observes all the small details and actions that one throws out there. What you put out there and the direction you take is yours of course. But for myself it’s often about observing consistent actions rather than relying on words. To relate this more to a couple’s relationship, since that is often the theme of the questions I get, is it safe to say that if a person like me all of a sudden doesn’t like jump in to help the person that something is wrong with the relationship? It’s not necessarily that there is something wrong with it per se but rather based on observations of actions it’s safe to say that a person like me feels the path has been blocked in some way and so I won’t fight it. You can essentially open that door whenever you wish through your actions.