Pisces married man
I had a rather torrid affair with a Pisces man when we were very young we seemed to click on ever level. He was a carpenter and a musician and I was a musician bound for architectural school. He was someone with identical interests, highly intuitive and intelligent, and well the sex was incredible. He eventually was swept off his feet by a woman two years his senior and quite beautiful. I was heartbroken but went on with my life earning my degree and achieving a respectable amount of success in my field. Eventually they had a son and then divorced. Soon after he looked me up and called. We arranged to meet and he was very interested in dating. I was more wary. Due to a silly misunderstanding we argued and then did not talk for a number of years.
I eventually married and had a son of my own. I never felt the depth of connection with my husband that I felt with this Pisces man but then there was nothing to be done. More years pass and he finds me on Facebook. He is in a relationship with someone else and from what I get he is not happy. Both of us are now in our sixties. I am confused but still interested in him. We began texting each other and while we don’t say anything overt it’s pretty clear to me that he is interested too. It had been a year since I had seen him and all that time I articulated my support for his plans to become a guitar maker something he has a real talent for. About two months before a gathering of mutual friends where I knew I would be seeing him he abruptly stopped texting.
Eventually I stopped texting too. When I saw him at the gathering (his girlfriend is a little bit of a snob and refuses to go anywhere where he will be playing music, go figure) he was the tiniest bit standoffish. When I picked that up I just gave him his space not wanting to enter into another misunderstanding. The gathering broke up about 3am and I was getting into my car to leave when he walked up and we talked. Everyone else had left. He told me that he thought he owed me an explanation for discontinuing to text.
He told me that his girlfriend had gotten a hold of his phone and found the texts. She was angry and told him she wanted to confront me though I could not think of anything that I could have texted that would be scandalous but I suppose merely texting without her knowledge was enough. He told me that he had texts and emails from me from years ago. After this he reached for me and we embraced. While we were embracing I told him that it was nice to know he still cared.
As he walked to his car he threw his hands up and said, “I don’t even know WHY I’m in this relationship” (meaning with his girlfriend). BTW they’ve been together for fifteen years. So my question is, why after all of this does he stay with her even though he knows I care and have plans to leave my husband. I haven’t left my husband yet because my 96 year old mother lives with us and I can’t blow up her life because I want to break up with my husband and perhaps start something new with someone else.? Mom is very frail and probably does not have much longer to live but then he is not giving me any clear message that there may be a future for us. Please explain.
From what you wrote it sounds like he is caught in the cycle of standing by your convictions, so to speak. Example, if you truly believe that once you marry someone that it should be for better or worst then you will stick at it. You then simply get used to things as it’s like your “duty” to stick at it. You would probably be able to better confirm this if like in his first marriage it was mainly the wife that took initiative to break it up. Cause there are odds he could be like that too where if this new person doesn’t take initiative that loyalty mentality will remain.
Ultimately I guess you can say that he needs someone else to give him the excuse or factor on why he leaves. That way it’s like one doesn’t have to hold all the responsibility for it in a way that will make them feel less about themselves. It’s almost like saying if this was a business setting why can some people just leave a relationship where if they stop getting income from the other then regardless of what was accomplished in the past they can just leave them just like that?
At the same time, why would one business have so much difficulty to do that with a company relationship that has lasted for years but is simply not producing a positive income flow anymore? This is almost the same in essence I feel. Would almost make sense too with your big fights with him and not talking for years.
Now for your situation there are obviously more human complications to this. The other part is as you implied a bit is the “attraction” part. I assume based on what you wrote that he is very attracted to the woman physically. Therefore, despite the emotional side being junk, based on what you wrote, she gives him the feelings that he doesn’t want to completely let go. Another way of thinking about it is imagine for you to relieve stress you always listened to music. You now have another option such as doing yoga or something which you love too. However, for whatever reason you can only have one. Imagine me saying now to you “okay, no more music.”
That is hard. It’s not so much about liking one better over the other but rather you are losing something else that you love a lot. Make that like a fifteen year habit too and you can kind of see more on how hard it can be.
Those would be my personal thoughts based on what you wrote.