I was trying to think back if there were any times that I specifically “tested” a person to see if I would in a sense want to establish a relationship with them to confirm various details. Speaking for myself I am not one of those “play hard to get” people and nor do I try and set up “traps” as a way to test out a person’s character per se. But what I do when it comes to a potential relationship is at times I have a crystal clear idea on the paths you could have taken which directly affects my relationship with you. Clearly understanding the choices you made in a sense often tells me all I need to know about one’s values and whether or not all the actions you have shown me to date are genuine or superficial.
There is a good example I felt of a time where I was working with a girl who actually happened to be the team lead of sorts. I could tell that she was trying to pursue something further with me in a sense of a relationship as she would constantly do things that even shocked me as initially she came across as a very shy person. For example, she would often stand extremely close to me where there were times she would constantly brush her body parts on me thinking that I didn’t notice. Or at times when I am sitting next to her she would literally like tilt her head sideways while asking me questions. From my analysis anyways all this potentially means it’s a sign of interest as it seems very “animalistic” I guess you can say.
Actually, in terms of “animalistic” the interesting stuff was the comments she threw out at times too. For example, I remember one time I just complimented her as she was telling me she did all these physical activities where you have to be in good shape to do so. She then started to emphasize constantly on how it’s all about the “genes” and how her family has “great genes.” In context of everything else and the way she said it made me think she was saying that in like a “courtship” kind of way. Example, almost like an animal trying to show the other that they have superior genetics where it’s like mating season or something and they want a mate.
Unfortunately she wasn’t that ideal for the position she was doing I felt as the environment was extremely high pressured and fast paced. However, even for myself I always tried my best anyways and as a team player it is my job in a sense to try and make others look good as well. But it was pretty obvious that she was getting a lot of stress and pressure at times as she would console to me about the issues and she would start crying. Of course, that made me want to work harder where I even did some of her job for her.
But there was actually an interesting circumstance here. She actually had influence as to how to evaluate others and in my case I was doing things that were above and beyond my duties. But here is the thing. If she outright says that I was in a sense doing some of the stuff that she should be doing then that makes her look bad. So in many ways it can be like career suicide where professionally for herself it’s better to take credit for everything and deny that anyone else is doing more. Long story short she was placed in this position one day where she could either be truthful or deceitful about it. Unfortunately, as it turned out she opted to go with the dishonest route.
If you think about it this was essentially the “test” where I could truly see how she felt about me in a sense based on the path I know she had a choice of taking. Speaking for myself anyways, if the situation was reversed where I truly wanted to be with that person then something that superficial shouldn’t be worth the risk of losing the potential bond you have with a person.
I didn’t just rely on this one instance of course. What eventually happened is that because of that incident I stopped doing the extra work as in my mind in the moment she thinks about herself only mostly. Not surprisingly, she got into more trouble since no one was in a sense picking up the extra slack now. It seemed like déjà vu after as she once again came up to me explaining how it was so stressful. Here was the big moment about understanding clearly about the choices the person has as well. While I sympathized with her, I pretty much just said outright that if she was just honest about things like how people like me were doing more than we should be then the issue would be fixed in many ways. Her reaction here was that she got up, thought about it for a second and just turned around and walked away. She didn’t end up just being honest.
Essentially, that last moment was confirmation to me that as a person I am actually not that important to her. Like for me if I was truly interested in someone even if I was pressured to make choices that I think would be best for my job if I truly felt that person was so special for who they are I would probably try everything to make it work. Or in like the case of the last scenario I would at least open up as to how you know it’s wrong but then explain why you feel you have no choice.
Now of course in this scenario there is a factor of life experience and all as maybe she just never had the experience of having to make tough choices or really thinking about what the best choice is for the future along with the bridges one could be burning as a result. So in that sense I didn’t think too much of it such as if she is truly that bad of a person per se or if it is just the lack of experience. But understanding the clear choices the person has like here tells me at least that at this time and moment the person’s values simply doesn’t align with mine and so in terms of a “test for a relationship” it isn’t a match.
Again, if you think about it it’s not so much that a person like me is crafting out these crazy obstacles to see if you can get through it. Instead I try to be aware of the choices and options you have that directly affect our current relationship. In many ways, I would say it’s not so much of a “test” as it is a directional suggestion where if you choose to go one way then I trust that you will be content with it whether or not I am on that same path with you.