Pisces man !!!!!!
I have known this guy as a friend for 2+ years, I have always liked him, (although he was oblivious to it!)
I finally decided to tell him how I felt , and we started texting, he was flirty as was I met a couple of times, he is separated and has children, and works hell of a lot, I never made demands on him. Things were going great he even asked me away for the night, but that all changed so didn’t come off due to work commitments, which I understood, then in another text he said he wanted to maintain the friendship!, so we had gone from him wanting to be with me ( when things settle with his break up) to friend zone, I did ask him about it as I had no clue where I stood, he opened up to me with personal info, which made me think He does like-like me, but then went cold again, He now says that he does not know what he wants in life, and that he is getting specialist help to sort his head out.
I told him I am here for him and that all that I have said about my feelings for him still stand, if he needs me I am here, I checked he was okay, and he totally ignored me, which hurts more than hearing the truth from him, when he finally replied he has been busy at work, and work is what is keeping him going at the minute because everything else in his life is messed up!
The signals I have been getting have been so hot and cold, I try my hardest not to text him, but I need to know he is okay, I really like this guy, and I am hurting, but it always seems to be what he wants, how he feels. Shall I just totally cut him off and hope that he misses me and realises what we had was good and that I am there for him, mentally ,emotionally & spiritually.
I am getting hurt by this as my feelings for him have never changed.
I am not a young kid, I am a grown woman with many relationships behind me. I am such a caring person, I hate the thought of anyone suffering. Can you please advise.
With what you wrote I think it comes down to is what you are offering what he needs in life to make things better and vice versa? Or are you offering things with great care and intentions even though that’s not what he needs? For example, you mentioned he is busy at work. Like there while offering a hug is great and one can see the kindness in you it probably doesn’t help overall if he is being swamped at work or yelled at for not finishing things. That can then make things awkward where imagine you in a situation where someone is giving you something that you want to show appreciation for but because it’s not what one needs they are using their energy to do that and trying to solve the issue that is immediately disrupting their life.
I think a better approach would be, if you haven’t already, is to ask more about what his work is life and then ask in a general way how he can make things easier if he had a choice. From there you have a ton of routes to go with. Don’t get me wrong, being there emotionally, spiritually and mentally is great which takes a lot of energy on its own. But it’s like saying if you were literally starving then what you need is my help to get you some food.
If everything else is actually very good then cutting him off is a big mistake I feel because if he is truly stressed out and in need of help them it’s almost like you are letting him fight alone as you watch him suffer per se. Basically try and open up the lines of communication with his life in general. You can probably learn a lot. As well, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t oblivious to you liking him as well.