Reader Questions

Pisces Confusion

pisces man personality symbolic

Elena Asks:

Hi Alan, I’m so happy to chance upon your site! Thank you for all your insights into the world of Pisces men.

I met mine last year through an online dating website and hit it off from there. We dated for about three months before it died down. The dating stage was fantastic while it lasted. I really enjoyed his company and all the conversations we shared. It was on a deeper level and we genuinely wanted to know about each other and each other’s past. I am not shy but I am an introvert and I have never met someone I can connect with so quickly! We had multiple coincidences and shared similar interests.

3 months after, our conversations slowed down and we were meeting less. I was quite confused. He did share with me how he ghosted out on previous dates before so I thought he was doing it on me. I sent him a message asking to meet and that I get it that sometimes things just don’t work out and it is okay and I would love to end it on a good note. We met, and he explained that he was just really busy with work and we talked about how we will try to work things out. I didn’t have a good feeling after the talk though. It felt like there was something else and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

He did not initiate conversations the month that followed. I dropped him a few messages and he would respond but that was it. We did not meet for that month and I thought the relationship wasn’t going anywhere so I dropped him a final message to him saying that I get it that it’s not working but I am happy to have met him and wished him all the best. He responded 2 weeks after, apologizing for not replying sooner as he was away and got caught up with work. He then asked for a favor for his friend, which I assisted him with. That was it and I thought I would never hear from him again but he texted again the following month asking if I was interested in a business proposition and I said I was. He said he would call me but I didn’t hear from him for a month until last week when I texted him about it. We’ve been talking about this plan twice on the phone and during the last call, we kinda talked about what happened to us and I said I thought he faded out and wasn’t interested and he said he was just really terribly busy with work during that period. I was dying to ask if he would want to try again but I didn’t.

We agreed to meet tonight but when I texted him yesterday to ask if we are still good to meet tonight, he did not respond.

Not sure if it helps – I am also a Pisces and during the periods when he disappeared, I have never kicked up a big fuss. Of course I was upset but I have never sent him long messages begging him to return etc because that’s just pathetic. I also have a strong feeling that he was seeing someone few days after the business proposition message but I am unsure if he is still seeing her now. When we spoke on the phone he was really gentle and asking about me and telling me what he’s been up to. When we were about to end the call, the things he said made me go awww but I kinda have a feeling he purposely said it to create a emotional attachment.

I am so confused. What’s going on!? Am I getting played?

Elena,

Based on what you wrote to me it sounds like he wasn’t that into you as you may have been hoping where instead he simply hit the right notes with you. Afterwards he kind of just went along with it as he saw some kind of value in being with you. To me that would perfectly explain why he kind of just disappears and gets back to you when there is some kind of external factor involved like the business proposition you were saying.

Like for me as an example there is no way if I was that into you that I would respond two weeks later and say “been busy” as I would try to find ways to talk to you. Heck, if anything I would want you to in many ways know what I am going through as like for me if I felt you “are the one” I want you to be by my side all the way as I would for you. If I were you I would trust all those doubtful feelings you are getting with him and stop giving so much benefit of the doubt.

0
If you have a specific question you would like Alan to answer too please use the Ask A Question Form.

6 Comments

Click here to post a comment

  • Thanks for writing back Alan.

    He responded and we met up to discuss the business proposition in person. This plan he proposed is enticing from a business point of view and it requires both of us to relocate to another state for 8 months. Does this mean anything? With his network and successful businesses, surely he can find someone else to work on this venture with. He’s an entrepreneur running 3 businesses so maybe he was really busy…?

    I am keeping things very professional. At this point I have also yet to do my own research and properly evaluate his plan but him asking me to join him in a venture and relocate to another state with him for 8 months – Does this mean anything?

    0
  • In my mind there are two possibilities. The best in the world possibility I feel as an example is that you essentially broke all the walls and barriers where he is head over heels with you. Therefore, he wants to do this business with you as a way to confirm his feelings about your true nature and compatibility.

    The absolute worst case I feel would be that you are a relationship in his life that is fairly expendable as this business requires something like time and money and you already demonstrated that you are willing to give without too much of a fuss. He can’t risk this with people who he say knows well because if it goes sour there is no way around it as he will hear it for the rest of his life.

    You have a lot more information about him of course, but based on what you wrote to me so far that first scenario sounds highly unlikely due to the inconsistent actions. The second one sounds more plausible to me as it gives him the best options to say that he say loves you if the business is a success or say “it’s not working” if you don’t seem to be giving him a ‘positive return.”

    I don’t write this stuff to scare you of course and it is your decision. But based on my personal life observations anyways I would say “Watch your back.” If you think it is a good business deal for you as is then go for it. But I would be extremely skeptical about the love aspect at this point as his actions don’t seem to line up as a guy that is like that into you. Again, it feels like there is a third factor here that keeps him around as opposed to you as a person.

    0
  • I think you are right about the second one because then he could still play it by ear and just take it one step at a time. But yes I am quite sure I broke some walls. He told me stuff which he said he has never told anyone before and he doesn’t know how I am making it so easy for him to tell me stuff. In your opinion, what do you think could be the third factor that is keeping him around?

    After we met, we texted for a bit through the day and then he asked me for a favour which wasn’t my area of expertise but I said I would check it out for him. He replied saying it was okay and he doesn’t want to trouble me. I got back to him with the answers today and I think he was pleasantly surprised..? We started chatting for a bit and he was sharing business articles and his views with me, and encouraging me on my own work. I replied him but he has written back.

    I would like to bring up some stuff I think could hold some significance in trying to understand this Pisces. When he got in touch after disappearing, he started calling me ellie. Before that he called me E. No one has ever called me ellie or E before. I was also thinking about his disappearance today and I think I may have triggered it by having ‘the talk’ with him omg!! I remember reading Pisces men hate the commitment talk. Do you think that could be the reason why he disappeared?

    As I type, he just sent a message saying that he had a ‘busy day’ and said he would ‘love to meet tonight’ to show me some business stuff and he would call me later.

    0
  • In my opinion, whatever this “favour” was that you did for his friend would be related to this third factor I think. Just based on all of your writing so far it sounds like he used this as a guinea pig of sorts to see what you can do in a sense and how open you are to trusting him. It would kind of fit in line on how so many times recently it seems that when he talks to you it’s always about non relationship or not you as a person type of topics.

    There are just so many red flags in my mind based on what you wrote and with the way the story is playing out so far. As I told people before, often times a person could use the strategy of making you feel so special as if you are the only one they are sharing deep thoughts with to win your trust. Don’t get me wrong. That is a huge milestone of sorts with a person like myself that has a super reserved personality. But that is inconsistent with a guy “ignoring” you in a sense for weeks just to pop back up and then ask you for favours and such. Busy or not, like for me anyways I would find time to get back to you ASAP. So that leads me to lean more towards he is not entirely authentic with you where if you lost this “third factor” he would drop you in a calculated way.

    For the part about commitment talk keep in mind this is coming from a guy who is always “serious” in finding the one as opposed to someone that is not serious. The discussion itself does not scare me at all nor would it cause me to run away. If you think about it I am looking for the one so why in the world would that scare me? What I would “dislike” is if you are say pushing me to feel things that I don’t feel.

    An example of a good scenario with the “commitment talk” is that you and I are getting along great. Everything is clicking, the communication is smooth and the kinship is natural. Despite this nothing seems to be “official” in a sense since you didn’t hear any words specifically for it. You then start to bring up the topic of wanting to take the relationship to the next level as you see good things happening. To me I would actually value a commitment talk like that as you showed initiative. Ideally I would rather just let it happen, but that initiative is a trait I value since I really heart you as a person.

    The bad scenario would be I am not really at a point where I can imagine spending the rest of my life with you in that way. As a result I treat it extremely casual. Eventually you just outright say that if I seriously want to continue with this that you need reassurance with me in the form of a commitment of sorts. In a very ironic way, you asking for an immediate commitment as an ultimatum of sorts in that way would make a person like me fear that you are not very loyal nor are you doing this for the long-term in a sense. It makes me fear that this “relationship” is to just make yourself feel “needed” in a sense where there is a big chance that you will frequently flake out if you don’t get your way as it is more about making yourself feel good.

    So for your scenario I don’t think that would be the reason that he disappeared. Again, it just feels like he wasn’t that into you as a person alone for whatever reason. For myself, giving people nicknames of sort is usually a way to express/suggest comfort of sorts for both myself and you. For your situation anyways it sounds like there should be a ton of public information about the person and his work that you can cross verify. Again, to me the story just isn’t sitting right if he is supposed to be super into you for who you are as a person.

    0
  • I’ve got updates for you Alan! So we met yesterday supposedly to show me business stuff but that only took 20 minutes top? We spent the next 3.5 hours catching up and just talking. I asked him what has he been up to and he said it has always been a lot of work, otherwise he’s playing video games to take his mind off work. Then I asked if that’s all he’s been doing and he said if I was asking if he’s seeing someone; he met a lady at a conference and they had drinks together and that was it. He quickly added it wasn’t even a date, he has not taken her to movies or any of that sort. I honestly was asking if he had any new activities/hobbies, like how i tried pottery. It was never my intention to probe into his love life, after all, all’s fair in love and war but him volunteering this information…?

    He also apologized again for disappearing on me and he said he felt really terrible about it. He explained that at that point his business was at a crucial stage and he just couldn’t prioritize me before his business. This was the part where I sent him the text to end stuff and he responded 2 weeks later with a favour. This favour was to see if I had a solution/know someone who could fix his friend’s car’s window which refused to wind up… I have been thinking how this would be related to the third factor lol. As for why he took 2 weeks to respond, he said his phone died on him and he didn’t see my text until he got home 2 weeks later when he reformatted his phone. (He has 2 phones – personal phone died, work phone very much alive) Excuses or should I give him the benefit of doubt? ):

    The other thing I remembered was that it was getting late and I said I should be going soon. Out of the blue he just said he’s afraid of commitment and being vulnerable and getting hurt (his ex cheated on him twice and he told me before he had thought about marrying her before he found out she cheated on him again). I told him love is an amazing thing and it will be worth it regardless what happens and we should never give up on the chance to fully experience love.

    Other than that it was an amazing evening talking about everything. I really enjoyed his company! I also came to a realization I am not head over heels about him like how I was when we were dating so I thought that’s really good. It’s like a calmer, composed sort of attraction for him now. Maybe I am also being wary and protecting myself.

    What’s your take on this?

    0
  • I would think about that a little longer if I were you where he said he has been busy with work and playing video games to take his mind off of it with the whole having no time for you thought. Unless he did ask you to like participate in these hobbies with him which you flat out rejected. The mention about the other lady not being a date makes sense to me as the foundation here is your intention is to create a serious relationship of sort with him. Dating other woman often implies you are no longer in the running for that or that you aren’t that ideal. So in anticipation of you thinking that way he took the liberty to add extra emphasis that he supposedly isn’t seeing anyone else to maintain the relationship that you two have.

    Virtually no different if you told me you couldn’t go hiking because you broke your leg and when I ask what you were up to yesterday you said you went dancing. Whether it’s true or not I would imagine there you would add the extra emphasis automatically that you were say just sitting at a table watching people as you wouldn’t want me to feel that you blew me off which would jeopardize your relationship with me.

    Fixing his friend’s car window in that context can mean many things as a third factor. Example, you have a lot of network connections that are valuable. You can be a really helpful person to ask to do things. The list can go on. This is just my personal opinion too, but that phone excuse sounds so cliché as a way to justify not talking to someone. It’s even less believable here if he is like a top notch business guy where communication is like priority in my view. Two weeks makes it even sillier.

    Again, if I were you I would try and verify as much as possible about facts that he has given you about him and his life. To me it is extremely inconsistent so far. This isn’t exactly a romantic thing to do, but I would imagine you are serious for a relationship and so you would want a serious and honest person too. It’s entirely up to you afterwards of course as I can be like that guy standing in the corner telling you something is wrong but then you say it just feels right so you want to go with it anyways. Ball is in your court.

    0