Hi. I just have a question about my Pisces ex. So, let me give you a bit of a back story. I’m a Vigro female (25) and my ex is a Pisces male (27). We met online about 6 months ago. It was really casual at first as I really had no intention to meet him. I just really wanted someone to talk to. I’m a flight attendant based in different cities in the Philippines. I have a really crappy schedule but I love my job. My ex is a US Navy guy and he’s permanently based in Asia (sorry but the military is really strict with locations) for about 3 more years. He also has a really crappy schedule and would sometimes get sent to the other neighboring countries for a few weeks until he has to go back to his permanent base. We started talking about our careers and we found out how similar we are. Both of us are really reserved people emotionally. Personally, I think that has a lot to do with the nature of our jobs; And of course past experiences. We both shared how dating was really hard for both of us because it was so difficult to build a foundation with anyone who didn’t understand the demands of our job. Sadly, most of the time any dating would definitely result to long distance.
A month after talking casually online, he sent me a message telling me he would be in the Philippines and in the exact city I was based at during the time. I told him I would be abroad for a few days but will be coming back during his stay in the Philippines. After many hiccups with scheduling and crew positioning, I was finally able to get back to my base so I can meet him. Now, the military has really strict rules when their service men are abroad. They have curfews and hotel arrest. It really depends where they are stationed. So I suggested a few places we could go to since I didn’t like the idea of going to his hotel on the first date. But I eventually complied because of the rules. When we met we hit it off real quick because we’ve already established a common ground.
We felt an instant connection. I did much of the talking though which made me think that he wasn’t that interested. He later told me that he was more of a listener and he enjoyed listening to me a lot. It seemed like a lot of the things I talked to him about were really relateable to him as he extended the date so we can have drinks. He had a curfew, unfortunately, and had to be in the room by midnight (lol). He was trying to get me to go to his room and was reassuring me that he wouldn’t try anything sexual. He just wanted to continue soending time with me. I declined of course as any rational woman would. We made plans the next day to have dinner outside the hotel since he told me he could leave the hotel up to a certain distance only if he had at least one colleague with him.
So I asked him if he wanted to have dinner at a place just near his hotel with my cousin and her fiancé since we’re all in the city together (my cousin and her fiancé are both pilots so it’s really rare that the three of us could meet at a place at a certain time). He agreed and told me his buddy is coming with so he could play wingman. So he walked me out to my car and we kept texting even after I got home. The following evening, after texting for the whole day, we had dinner with my cousin and her fiancé.
My ex is an aircraft maintenance guy for the Navy and so is his buddy. We all had a wonderful evening because we all had this connection. Planes. After dinner, we dropped them off at their hotel and he asked me if I wanted to stay for drinks. I did and after some more talking about our families and our lives away from home, he asked if I wanted to go watch a movie in his room. At this point I was ready to sleep with him because I was fully sure that I was attracted to him. So we did sleep together and it was by far the best, most passionate experience I have ever had in my life. I am not even kidding. He agreed that it was his too but I didn’t really believe it. I spent the night in his room and the next day I had to go to my apartment to pack for a flight The next day.
He asked me if I wanted to come back after I was done with my errands so we can spend some time just talking by the pool. We texted the entire day and I got back to his hotel in the evening. We had sex again and just watched movies together all night. I spent the night at his hotel again. We both woke up really early the next day so we can properly say goodbye. To be honest both of us expected that to be the last time we would see each other. We both had existing trauma with long distance relationships and with our crappy schedules, how would it even be possible? I got home and prepared for my flight and he kept texting me to take care and that he would still be keeping in touch. I didn’t really think much of it. To my surprise he was consistent about talking everyday. Eventually he went back to his permanent base and Igot back in the Philippines from that flight. We never really saw each other again before he left. But we continued talking and it got deeper and deeper. Being the cautious Virgo that I am, I would always try to keep the conversations light so that we don’t rush into anything. But next thing you know he’s planning a vacation to Thailand for the two of us so we can see each other again. He said it didn’t really matter where as long as he could see me again. Thailand was just number one on his list of places to see. He asked me if I thought it was weird that he would plan a vacation for us in 5 months.
I told him that I guess for people like him and I, vacations are like dates. He agreed. We continued talking everyday each day getting deeper and deeper until about a month since we last saw each other, he was professing his love for me. He was drunk at the time so I was still cautious about believing it. I love talking to him but those kinds of emotions are really heavy. And my ex, being the reserved and emotionally challenged guy he is, would actually only talk about his feelings when he’s drunk. But he followed through even after his drunken episodes. I guess alcohol made him more brave to express his feelings into words. Like I said, he’s not much of a talker more of a listener. Until everyday we were telling each other how much we love each other.
Everyday it got deeper and deeper until we were already discussing marriage and having a family. I always reminded him not to rush me with these things because I believe that two people should only consider marrying because they really want to not out of a need. Like in our case, the need to be together. He would agree with me but I would admit that it was really nice to know that I was with someone who shared the same values as I do. Another thing about my ex you should know is that, even if he is really sweet and he likes being in a relationship, he is also very agtaid. He constantly worries about a lot of stuff that might go wrong in the future. Like I said earlier, we both share a trauma from previous relationships that failed especially long distance. He would always tell me how afraid he is because this is the first time he felt this again in a very long time.
He was just terrified he would ruin it. I always assured him that I honestly cannot see him ruining this. Even when he would get sent out to sea for a few weeks and we would not be able to talk everyday, he always came back as my sweet and consistent boyfriend. Until his last ship duty. He was sent to sea for about 3 months. This was an unforeseen assignment and it forced us to postpone thailand to at least 2 more months. I was prefectly fine with it. Every other day, while he was on the ship, he would get a few minutes on the computer and kept updating me and telling me how much he misses me already. I would reassure him by telling him about how I spent my day and how much I look forward to talking to him everyday again.
Until finally before the 3 month mark finished, he got orders to be pulled out from the ship as he was assigned to another neighboring country for a week. So that made his ship duty last a little over a month. When he got off, we were both so happy and we started catching up and talking as we normally did. He got drunk again that night and told me how he’s worried about me not being happy if I move with him when he goes back to the States in 3 years. He said he’s not sure if I would be able to get a flight attendant job and he knows how passionate I am about flying. I told him I can find other things to do to make me happy. And that being with him was enough to make me happy. I honestly meant that. I have already fallen so in love with him and I’m willing to make that sacrifice. I told him not to rush into it again and not to worry so much about the future. We will get to that eventually but rest assured, I am very happy with him.
The next day, he started turning cold and replied hours later and told me he went out with colleagues and they are drinking. I never have a problem with that. When he got home he told me anout what they did but it seemed like he was kind of disconnected because he would reply late. I figured he must still be enjoying with his colleagues because they have a group chat and all. So I told him I’m just gonna go to bed. The next day we talked but I also felt like he was still disconnected. Before sleeping, I told him I felt sad because I missed him a lot but he seemed cold lately. He told me that he was just having an adjustment period. And we would talk more about it the next day. I kind of got annoyed with his response but didn’t say anything. The next day, we were talking and I joked if he was done being cold yet. He said he’s not which I misinterpreted as him being all sarcastic with me.
What he meant was he was actually not being cold. We didn’t talk the whole day until I confronted him about it and he told me what he meant and he said sorry about being a bad communicator. He told me that he’s still getting a hang of it. I just really hated how he ignored me the whole day. So he went to dinner with colleagues and we started talking again afterwards. He was asking me if I received the gift he sent. I told him yes and as usual I love it. I then took that as an opportunity to share with him why I hated being ignored by him. I told him how a guy used to that to me on purpose every time we had a problem. It resulted to ending really badly. I told myself never to let any guy step on me like that again. I told him that I already know he’s not like that because he really is a sweetie. But I’m also scared because I’m already so in love with him. I told him he would need to talk to me every time we had a problem even if it was just a small miscommunication.
His reply really shocked me. It wasn’t like him at all. But he suddenly told me that he’s so sorry but he feels so confused now because he thinks that we’re rushing into things and that he’s still getting a hang of this long distance thing. He said that at first we were sure it would just be a weekend fling until we found ourselves eventually planning for the future. He told me that he knows it was all his idea but he feels so confused at the moment. I told him so what do you want to do. I am shocked and I was not expecting that at all. I asked if he wanted to break up. He said he honestly did not know what to do. My defence started going up and I told him well if that’s how you feel I can’t really force you. But I also asked him what he was thinking and doesn’t any of the connection we have established mattered?
Things like that. I think I made it worse because he was already so confused. He kept replying though telling me how he’s aftaid that he might end up hurting me because he’s that guy. He is distant and always have been. That will never change. And he admitted how he found his drinking also unhealthy. He told me all he ever wanted to do was make me happy and that maybe I deserve someone who doesn’t need to get drunk to share his feelings to me. I told him that he should stop worrying about that because I am happy. I just missed him so much while he was away and I wanted to be able to talk to him more.
He told me that it took that one thing that pissed me off for him to realize that maybe he’s gonna end up hurting me. I told him that he doesn’t know what will happen in the future. But we both risked already. Doesn’t that say anything? Isn’t what we have worth the chance to find out where it would lead? I told him that if that’s how he feels, I can’t really do anything about it but I think that it is worth it. I went to bed after that but woke up an hour later to a notification from him. He sent me a message after that but when I opened it I was blocked and couldn’t view the message.
He also unfriended me, my cousin and her fiancé on Facebook. They too were blocked on instagram. I’m afraid to find out if he has blocked me on imessage too. I tested it on Facebook messenger but the test message that said “Am I blocked on here too?” went through which means I wasn’t blocked. But since he unfriended me, I had no way to find out if he read it or if he was online. I’ve been wanting to talk to him since I found out that he blocked me and my family. But that was already a statement to me that means I shouldn’t talk to him yet.
I just don’t understand because I wasn’t even being needy or begging him to stay. We didn’t even fight. We don’t ever fight because we’re both so calm. I am just honestly so hurt about it. It made me feel as if all those months of getting deeper were suddenly nothing to him for him to make a statement like that. It’s been 2 days since and he hasn’t contacted me nor have I contacted him. I am so heart broken and confused. What do you think happened?
As a follow up, I would like to know if I should initiate contact? I mean with his type of personality wherein he gets extremely emotional when he’s drunk and then would switch to being all happy go lucky when he is sober. He never really forgets about being emotional when he sobers up though he just doesn’t get like that when sober. So I’m sure he’s aware of his issues. And since he’s also the listnening type rather than the one who would share. I honestly think there is so much to save. He really made me feel loved and treasured. I have no doubt that the connection we had is real. And this is our first fight, really. Should I start up a casual conversation at least, in the following days or weeks just to check up on him. I don’t realy want to shock him by getting right to the problem. I’m just afraid though that if I wait too long I might really lose him for real. Then again, I am also afraid he won’t respond if I initiate contact since he did block and unfriended me on social media.
There was a key point you mentioned here such as him specifically stating that he thought this thing was going to be a weekend fling. That alone should tell you the mindset he had from the start. With that said it makes logical sense that as the relationship grew he didn’t really know how to end it without feeling like the total jerk. Not saying he doesn’t want to genuinely be with you but it was never the intent due to all the circumstances. So I think that is important where while you were genuinely in love as you mentioned for him it feels like you were supposed to be a buzz for the weekend. But as things went on feelings just naturally grew.
The alcohol seems to be a factor too where I am inclined to say being with you is kind of like a way to try and escape that habit which seems like it does for him when you are actually physically there with him. When you are not there your words alone simply cannot compete with it. It make sense to me too where if this guy is “addicted” to the alcohol as a way of drowning his emotions and only you being physically there with him can compete with it then this long distance thing takes way too much work compared to him being able to just pick up the bottle and drink away.
With that said I personally don’t think you should approach this with the mindset that the guy is reserved and can’t express himself but rather how would you help/approach a person with an addiction issue? That usually requires the help of the people that he is constantly around. I would be inclined to contact his “buddy” that you met that time as well and just express your genuine concern and go from there. To me that would seem to be the safest thing to do.