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Jen Asks:

So, I’ve been talking to a Pisces for 10 months now, it’s been long distance. I’ve known this guy for over 14 years, we use to work together years ago and have kept in touch through the years. He is 43 and I’m 35. We we’re supposed to hangout out 6 years, but plans didn’t go through, so finally got together and I didn’t think I would feel anyway about it, but after finally meeting up, and making it a point to get together every weekend after, I took a liking to him and his company and we had things in common, we are single parents and our kids are a year apart. I have always liked his personality, humor and just him as a person. We are a lot a like in our sarcastic way, so it was like a perfect fit. I’m a Capricorn by the way. Things were good, we were both putting in the effort to see each other and making it work, I felt.

He had even told me a few months ago he was feeling a good level of intimacy with me that he had not felt in a very long time. Being long distance we would text each other first thing in the morning and through out the day. I am in to the horoscope thing, so early on into it I had read up on his sign and told him and he told me how he was, enjoyed his me time, ect. So when I would feel he needed his time, I would give it to him and wait for him to come around and not question what he was doing in his down time, we still keep in contact during his down time through text. The last relationship I was in was long distance, so I don’t have an issue with that, I’m very trusting, unless giving reason to think otherwise. I never had a gut feeling like he was needing me time to see what else was out there.

He has even told me before, I’m a rare bread, because of how cool I’ve been with him. Past few months have just really thrown me for a loop, he’s quite the am texting about a month now, kinda all texting, feel like I’m the one who has to start it, then when I do, I get a short reply. So last week, he shunned me pretty much all week, then texted Fri, sorry I’ve been preoccupied in my solitude. I get it, need me time, but it’s been almost a year into and how long am I to keep being cool about things!?!?! I don’t even know what to call us, friends with benefits, seeing each other, dating, girlfriend/boyfriend.

We have both told each other we are not seeing other people, but when our kids ask him what we are, he doesn’t even answer them and I’m happy they ask, because then I’m hoping for an answer. I have seen him in the past few months, but not like it was. Now it has kinda gotten to be a sex thing, not that it wasn’t from the start, because we are both very good in that department with each other and with it being long distance, we do, do a lot of sexting. I just feel like now this is were our relationship is, or whatever it is, because idk what we are,

I have a pretty good idea I’m not dumb. Just guess I was hoping and waiting for more to come out of it. So Sunday I had enough and during what he was trying to make our sexting time, I kinda crap talked him and told him I was over it and his ups and down for just a peice of a $$! He replied, ok then. Sorry to be so blunt, but I’m needing some insight, is he testing me knowing how his sign is or is it a situation of it is what it is and I’m hoping for more……?

Please give me your thoughts. I’m sorry for the run on paragraph, I just have so may questions about this and have felt all over the place for the past few weeks thinking about. Normally this is not me, so that has me concerned too, that I’m so mind f@&ked by him……..

Jen,

Based on what you wrote I am inclined to say this is a situation where you are expecting more out of it than it really is. Just in general too, I have no idea where this notion of how a person like me with a more reserved personality needs their space and all unless we are talking like we need a quiet room while doing work. The only reason I would need it personally is if I feel for the most part no one else can understand or connect with me in a way that I need. Therefore, I need to deal it on my own as they say. Just as an exaggeration, if someone was meditating it probably is better to be alone due to not wanting any distractions right? But if someone else can be there with you where their presence won’t distract you at all but may benefit it why wouldn’t you want another there?

This may be just my opinion, but based on his actions and all that point about you being into horoscopes where you shared that with him makes it feel like he is using that to his advantage. Example, he knows you are super into it and stereotypically a “Pisces needs space” right? So it gives him leverage to make excuses for his actions I feel when he doesn’t contact you. I think I can speak that for most guys, even myself, there is no way one would go for a week without contacting you if he was like in love with you. Unless he was enlisted in the military or something.

This would all make sense in-line with the other stuff you mentioned such as when the kids ask what you two are. It feels like he wanted say sex where he played on your beliefs to keep it going with as little effort as possible. I would think the very easy way to tell too if what I said is true is whether or not there was tangible efforts to merge your two lives. Example, working towards living together, wanting to get you involved in his daily routine, specifically trying to revolve schedules around each other, etc.

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  • Alan,

    Thank you for responding. I felt like I already knew the answer, but was wanting a man’s point of view on this. Guess I felt if I stuck it out, maybe something more meaningful would come of it. The whole situation has left a uneasy feeling with me and thought if I cut if off, I would get some kind of reaction from him, but nothing. With that being said, it is what it is and like you said I was expecting more out of it then it really was. Thought putting the time in would get me somewhere with him, but I just wasent getting back what I was giving out. In the beginning I felt the feelings were mutual and we were making plans to see eachother, before we even left eachother, but something has changed over the past couple of months and I just wish I knew what it was and what the hell he was thinking. Would love to know if you have anymore thoughts on this………..

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  • Regardless of what is actually happening, to me it should be all about the intent where that is good enough to make a decision. Example, worst case scenario he is actually going out with like a bunch of other girls at the same time. The lighter route is this is just a sexual thing between you two. Like there, to me they both share the same circumstance where it is more up to you on what you want. Cause for him, the mindset feels like it is simply where he is being nice to you to get what he wants. So it’s not authentic.

    Based on what you wrote too, I don’t feel things just changed over a past couple of months as if he is like an apple that just went rotten. I view it more like he was always an onion but you were always just around his outer layer. Example, maybe at a distance you thought this red onion was like a beet or pomegranate.

    redonion

    pom

    beet

    Maybe it did a dang good job portraying it as one too. But, when you started to cut into it more that’s when the tears came out as you unveiled what it truly was. Or at the same time, why he was evasive when the questions were asked as you would find out for sure. I feel that is just something you have to accept where he simply was never the person you thought he was. Believe me, I can relate as I have dealt with a ton of people in a similar manner along with the tactics they use to manipulate others. They weren’t necessarily all about romance like yours, but the signs and actions all share similar traits and habits. So hopefully again you will just come to the realization that he simply wasn’t who you thought he was.

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  • Thanks again for summing that up. Time to move it along. I have a key to his house, should I just mail it back to him, text and ask if he even wants it back or don’t even worry about it and just move forward? I’m normally a really confident person, I feel this whole experience has really broke my confidence and little bit. I’m normally one to just move on and get over it, and as long as I know I have tried, I’m good. Feel I’m struggling to shake this one off. You are awesome, your like the Pisces Whisper for girls who fall for Pisces!!!!!

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  • What you should do is entirely up to you. I would think the main thing that plays into this is whether or not you have closure. If you didn’t or feel the need to say more then maybe you should. But I would stress that it would have to be where you say it more for yourself and not him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for more mental stress I think.

    It’s kind of like the example I used before where like a criminal is on trial with no remorse for what they did to you. Standing there and yelling at him/her to ask why they did the things they did and if they feel bad about it is not going to get you anywhere. Like there, I would think the best thing to do is to say what you want and then seek elsewhere for the comfort you are looking for. You can even use your experience constructively too to help others as an example.

    Overall, I would think the best thing to do is just give him the keys back either in-person or register mail it if he is never usually around. Afterwards, simply be done with it and spend your energy with the people that matter to you like your kids.

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