You’ll have to bear with me as i’m not entirely sure where to begin…
I met a Pisces a few months ago, he was part of a temporary social group that i joined. The social group lasted for approx 2 months, but it was intense as it was most days. I felt a connection with the Pisces straight away, and i’m certain that he felt it too. We were pretty shy with each other in the beginning, but as time went on, he definitely became more confident whilst i remained a little more reserved but less shy than i was initially.
We became good friends and he messaged me several times to let me know that he missed me if i didn’t go and socialise/go for a drink after the group finished some evenings.
A month ago i went on holiday and was mostly uncontactable for almost 2 weeks – i got service a few times during my holiday and i messaged him, we would engage in a brief conversation and he was always pleased to hear from me and would respond quickly.
He told me several times whilst i was away that he missed me and he organised our friends to join me/us for a drink on the day i arrived back. That same week i saw him several times, including one night when he came back to mine and one thing lead to another…we didn’t sleep together but things did get rather steamy. The next day he was very sweet, he described the night as “amazing” but when i tried to establish what it was, he suggested that it was just “drunk friends fooling around i guess?”. He asked me how i felt about it but i didn’t have the courage to tell him that it meant more than that to me.
Anyway, i saw him another few times that week – he was very attentive towards me as i was unwell. I really enjoyed him company. He was very tactile and i noticed that he was constantly in my personal space, literally leaning on me as he stood next to me, or having his foot rest on my leg when we sat together on the sofa. When we parted ways, he gave me the biggest, most sincere hug whilst cradling my head and caressing it at the same time.
I was supposed to see him last week before I went away on holiday again (this time only for 4 days). I told him to meet me at 9pm one evening and that i was busy before then. When i checked my phone at 8.30pm he had sent me at least 6 messages and i had 2 missed calls from him. He ended up cancelling plans and i think he was unhappy because he couldn’t reach me.
Since then, i’ve been away and come back – i decided to give him some space whilst i was away as he seemed unhappy with me. He messaged me one morning and when i didn’t respond within an hour and a half but he’d seen that i’d read the message (i was out for breakfast and i only went on to whatsapp to wish my Mum a Happy Birthday), he sent me one to say “okay, well have a nice day”…again he seemed to get in a sulk with me. We engaged in conversation later that afternoon/evening. He told me that he was doing a race the following day and would tell me if he “survived” – i didn’t hear from him the following day as he suggested so i messaged him to check that he got on okay to which he said he did.
Other than that, I have barely heard from him. I messaged him yesterday to ask him to let me know when he is free to catch up over wine and he responded to say that it wouldn’t be any time soon as he is busy with his studies…
I feel as though things between he and i are very disjointed, not helped by the fact that we’ve not seen each other in about 10 days. I want to give him some space but i’m feeling really insecure about what all of this means. 10 days ago i felt as though things couldn’t be going any better. I feel guilty because i’ve not been very attentive to his needs lately with being away, and then being unwell. I’m not sure how to get his attention again…or indeed whether he wants any more from me than my friendship.
It almost seems like he really wants your attention but feels burnt since he feels you should prioritize your time to him whenever possible. Therefore, it’s almost like a game now of him saying he is too busy for you in return to get back at you. A very passive way of doing it as oppose to simply telling you how he feels.
It’s kind of a delicate situation now I feel. But one thing I would say is that he is still interested in pushing things forward with you it seems. Otherwise he would just ignore you like the plague as an example. He probably has a lot in life that he would like help with. Based on what you wrote, in many ways it’s that feeling of when you commit to people so much only to then not receive the same type of commitment back you just feel used in a sense where the person is desperate to want and balance things out. I guess an analogy for the sake of understanding the emotion is imagine working at a job where the reward is supposed to be you get paid for the hundreds of hours you put in. Your boss then says thank you for your time and that he doesn’t owe you anything.
For some that means trying to withhold or doing something bad to others because it’s like they have to do something selfish for themselves to balance everything out. For others they just take a long break away from people until they find another source to rejuvenate. To me it sounds like he is going with the withholding route for the most part.
I personally think “giving space” in this scenario is the wrong thing to do if what I stated is accurate with him. If I was in that mindset, inside I would be hoping that you would give me the same care and support as I feel I was giving to you, so to speak. So in that sense, you shouldn’t focus so much in trying to get his attention I think as opposed to finding out what you can help him with and genuinely offering support in any way you can. Example, he says he is busy with studies? Find a way to help or show interest in being his genuine support to get through it.
If you can do something to help him too that you know would help for sure then do it I say. This kind of relates to the other question I was asked recently in terms of feeling appreciated. He needs to feel that from you at the moment.