I’m a Sag woman trying to make it work with a Pisces man
Michele Asks:
I met my boyfriend on Tinder last October, at first he liked me a lot and I wasn’t sure, but by November we were officially “together” and I had fallen pretty hard. He used to come around a lot more often. But as we got to know each other more, I’ve realized that just the blunt nature of my personality has damaged him so much and possibly caused him to become distant. I met his mom and sister(from out of state) on Christmas. His sister was given up for adoption when they were small and she means the WORLD to him.
This was the first Christmas she had gotten to spend with his side of the family and I was the first gf he has ever introduced to her. I have a hard time emotionally around christmas (long story), and I guess I kind of resented his sister for taking all of his attention when I really needed hisome support. I was in a bad mood that day and his family sensed it. They got a bad impression of me which reallyyyy bothers him and he was very upset with me.
It’s a situation we can’t seem to resolve. It has come up just about every week and we’ve argued about it. I have explained myself and apologized over and over. I even messaged his sister explaining that I was just in a bad mood that day. We’ve also had good times since then, but it just doesn’t seem the same as before. When I bring it up he says he just needs time and he doesn’t want to discuss it anymore. I want to apologize to his mom but he says giving it time is best (but it’s been 2 months!). It drives me crazy that I can’t fix this.
Then I made another blunder and snooped through some of things…he was quite upset. We made up but he seems to shut off more and more. He told me he can’t get over things I do when we’re around each other so much, so we’re taking a break for a few days. It’s like every time I make a mistake, I put an irreparable cracked in our relationship. I’m not used to someone being this fragile. Everyone else I’ve been with has understood that humans make mistakes…and I myself am so quick to forgive. It kills me not knowing if he will ever go back to how he was. I do plan to seek counseling for my own issues, and I can see that this relationship is teaching me a lot.
How do I prove to him that I’m sincere and win back his trust?
Michele,
You kind of have a tough situation. I often wrote recently on how a person like myself tends to not immediately judge a person’s actions until we see more proof and examples to verify if the person is in a sense mean spirited or simply “quirky” if you want to call it that. Therefore, all these undecided information and emotion about you just sits in the middle.
If he thinks like me, then those negative actions you showed just kind of made him categorize all that stuff in the middle into the negative category. A person like me may say I am “okay” with it still, but that usually means you get the “cold shoulder” for the most part and it’s an uphill battle to change my mind.
I am just making this up for the sake of an example. Let’s say I am him and one day I saw you get super mad over a TV show you were watching. To me, I don’t know how to classify that. Example, are you an angry person who can’t control your temper or are you simply very passionate about certain things? For now, that information sits in the middle. Then during the family meeting I saw you with the “bad mood” as you say. Because of this, I now take all the incidents like the day of that TV to semi conclude that you truly are an angry person. Hence, it worries me as my mindset is always to be looking for “the one” and a person like that wouldn’t be like that in my mind.
With my personality type too, I probably still wouldn’t just break off the relationship. However, I would be seriously cautious and distant to you now. A person like me doesn’t simply “forgive and forget” like what most people do. For myself anyways, the reason is pretty logical and straight forward because I tend to give out a lot emotionally in the things I do to the point that getting “hurt” or being “used” affects me more. Like saying, there is a difference between buying juice from the store to give it to a person versus making the freshest juice for you on the spot. You then tell both people you “Hate it.” You can imagine the difference level of hurt and pain you would cause to each person.
If what I said is true, then you have an uphill battle. You are going to have to show some extreme consistency with your actions that have no influence from him. Again just for the sake of an example, if you were normally a couch potato then seeing you naturally being active without anyone telling you is the kind of the key to changing one’s mind. It shouldn’t be because you want to impress him. Because as I mentioned before, stuff like this is hard to fake if you are naturally not like this and would most likely just give up.
It’s really all on you at this point and whether or not you feel a lifestyle change/transformation is something you are going to do anyways which would naturally get a person like him to see you in a good light.