I Need Closure!!! Is It Too Late?

Christine Asks:

Hi,

I’m a Cancer girl who is fond of this Pisces guy that I have known since secondary school (I’m in my early 20s btw).

Long story cut short, we met through a mutual friend who went to his school. We were close and we liked each other but then I moved house and he went to college and we drifted apart. After 3 years we reunited at his birthday party and he was looking really hot. We kept in contact . All my feelings came back and when I would see him there was so much chemistry and he would look at me straight in my eyes as if he could see straight into my soul. He knew I had a boyfriend and he respected that, so he never tried it on with me. I know I shouldn’t of went to his house but it felt so right. Even though it was wrong.

A year went past and I found out that soon after his party he had a gf, he did mention this girl to me. She ended up cheating on him and I feel like he has changed.

After a few months, I went on a break with my boyfriend because I needed to know what I wanted. I felt like I was cheating him in my head and it’s not fair on my bf.

Within that year me and the Pisces guy slept together twice, his performance wasn’t that great and he knew so he went quiet. The second time was the same and he told me that he felt like a failure. I didn’t understand. Was it me? Doesn’t he like me? I was thinking maybe it was nerves because I was nervous aswel as he was the 2nd person I’ve slept with. I also feel like he compares himself to my bf because he would ask me things like ‘has this ever happened with you and your ex?’

We spoke and he did open up to me to tell me that he was insecure and I reassured him that he was perfectly fine . I had comforted him about me telling him liked that I liked him previously because he didn’t say much back . He told me he was interested and that he doesn’t tell his feeling so I was understanding and left it.

Few months later, I decided to get everything off my chest and got my friend to forward him a long message about how I feel (childish i know, but I didn’t have he balls to do it myself). He replied to my friend basically saying he didn’t know it was that deep and he agreed to call me to talk about it because he didn’t understand what he done to make me feel like this. Honestly I don’t know myself, he’s just perfect to me.

Another year has gone now and still no phonecall. I’ve seen him at a few occasions but he acts like nothing happened and gives me those long time no see hugs , kisses me on the cheek and says hi.

I’ve tried walking away with no closure but I can’t. I need to speak to him so I can actually move on . I just feel used and disrespected as a friend. If he didn’t like me like that, then why sleep with me knowing that I’m not that kinda girl. I heard he has girlfriend now. Would it be weird to randomly call him after all these years?

Sorry it’s so long. I’m just going crazy!

Christine:

The timeline seems kind of odd. Example, over a year of no response when your message was passed on to him yet you two have actually seen each other in-person? Why not bring ask if he was going to get back to your communication then and there?

My personal interpretation is that he liked you and was definitely looking for a new relationship. His past heartbreak probably left him insecure about his own worth and whether he is good enough to be loved by another. When he made love with you that is supposed to be a special moment to know that you have that special connection that can impact the other positively, so to speak.

As you implied, he kind of “failed” in doing that. I think it is pretty self-explanatory on how bad one would feel as a result of that. It’s almost like spending all this time preparing for an Olympic competition where people imply “you are the one to represent us and bring glory” just for you to then not win any medals and have people tell you it’s okay. Like there, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell the person it’s okay as they will feel like they aren’t worthy.

I personally think too that he does know that it was that “deep” per se. However, based on the circumstance he wants to keep the wall up because of the above and is simply using that as a shield to not have to go through it again if that make sense.
In my personal opinion, the fact that he hasn’t responded to you would make me ask you more as to whether or not that is what you want and are willing to deal with. Speaking for myself as an example, if I was really head over heels for the person I wouldn’t not want to talk with you. At minimum, if I am too darn shy your request as the first initiator should be enough for me to talk with you.

To me, he has not yet developed emotionally to understand who he is and what he wants. Therefore, I wouldn’t say it is weird but rather you are playing the risky game of thinking you can mold him into what you feel is the ideal person, in my opinion. Something to think about.