Classifying a person as authentic in order to allow them to get deeper into my life is no different really than probably what most others would classify it as. But to help, let’s use some common examples that are not so serious. In many cases, I am sure most people can tell the difference between a customer service rep who is smiling because they are genuinely happy versus a forced smile because it is what is expected for a job right? I am sure for most people you can natural tell and feel when it is “fake”.
Now in terms of allowing a person in where I need to believe they are authentic first, take it a step further and change the situation to you are like a car sales person and I am the customer who can’t decide what to buy and needs help doing so. All I know is I have X amount of money to spend and want the best value for my needs. Without extreme knowledge about cars I am kind of vulnerable to marketing tactics and sales pitches.
Generally speaking, you as the sales person should have a pretty good natural feeling on whether or not I am letting you into my “deeper zone.” Example, I will start to share in-depth stories with you on why I need the car and my life happenings so that you get a true feel as to what I am all about as I trust you are authentic when it comes to being passionate about cars and wanting me to get the best deal. I would also genuinely want to learn more about you as if you were my friend to further solidify my trust in allowing you into my zone.
If I thought you were just like some used car salesmen who didn’t really have passion for the stuff you are selling and just wanted to make the sale at the highest price tag possible then I wouldn’t do that. Because if I just outright told you I knew nothing about cars and you were unauthentic then you would use that to abuse my wallet right? I would simply just say things like “I just need a car to get to work” while coming in with all my researched data to try and ensure that I am getting the best deal. The contrast can be like night and day where it should be very apparent if I feel you are authentic or not.
In essence, it is virtually all the same when it comes to a relationship in general and knowing if a person like me is allowing you into my deeper zone. The added complexity is of course if we are talking about a love sort of relationship there are more zones/layers to this as it is not just a customer and employee relationship.
While keeping all this in mind, let’s now use an example of a relationship. Let’s say there is a girl who I feel isn’t pure and compassionate. Example, I have seen her break other people’s belongings with no consideration as she has a “I don’t care since it’s not mine” attitude. Now for whatever reason she is now pursuing me to see if a relationship can be built and seems to be acting nice. My interaction with her will in-turn be very straight to the point. If she needs help then I’ll help and then be on my way. When we have regular conversations I wouldn’t be inclined to mention anything about meaningful life challenges that I have or am experiencing because based on what I know at the moment about her character it’s not someone I want in my life in a frequent manner. In many ways, it is like being skeptical of the used car sales person. However, I would still give them a bottle of water if they were in dire need of one.
Now let’s say there is a girl who I think exhibits some extremely good characteristics of things like compassion and perseverance. If she asks me for help I’ll do it and then follow up by making sure she doesn’t need help with anything else or even sharing personal experiences that are similar to what she just went through. During regular conversations I would be inclined to share past or current challenges where I am giving you the opportunity to know about me on a deeper level which you can then do as you please with it. Because I think you are an authentic person I feel comfortable in doing this. Your actions with what you do with that information aids me to get the true big picture on how we relate or connect.
With the two examples I wrote, it should be extremely evident again on which person I am viewing as the authentic one to allow deeper into my life. If you think about it, is it truly any different in essence then what everyone else does in terms of how they would treat people who they feel are authentic? My main thought would be some people just do it in a different style. Like with the first person they would just be confrontational about it and say scram. However, because for a person like me I usually want to help others the only real difference is I am more consistent in simply being friendly/professional about it.