How To Help In His Way?
Hello there, I need help in figuring out my Pisces boyfriend. He is recently very busy with his work and I don’t know what can I do to provide him the support he needs. I have always thought that man need their space while they are focused on their job so I am always sure to leave him alone when he seems to be stressed out?
He doesn’t want to meet me but I just want to talk with him to know what is happening so at least I get a clearer picture of what is going on. I read some of your posts and some elsewhere that Pisces men are feminine signs and does that means they like to have emotional support than me providing solutions for them? I am a working woman that is independent and I don’t bug him on my issues and I also think in a logical way. I want to offer assistance in ways that are measurable and achieve results.
Like asking how are you feeling now will seem weird for me as I only do that to my female friends as I think females are the ones who like to “talk” about their problems and someone to just listen to them ranting. But now he seems closed off to me and not “talking” about it how do I go about it? I want to be that support but at the same time I don’t want to demoralise him by suppressing his masculinity.
Could you provide me ways to do it with a Pisces man? He is a sensitive person but doesn’t show it out, I know he wants to finish it all by himself but our distance is drifting apart and I am worried. Thank you.
The timing of your question is impeccable as I was just thinking about a post on how many people classify my personality as more “feminine” in a way. Based on what you wrote, it sounds like he really needs help but is just used to doing everything himself. His response is almost exactly what I would do in a circumstance where I feel I am in a sense alone. There are usually only two reasons that cause this. One is as stated they are used to doing everything themselves where it’s like they can always help others but the same can’t be returned for whatever reason. The second I would say is that they feel no one can truly relate and understand how they are feeling to help them.
Let’s use a silly example here of like a sport where we assume only men do to hopefully make the point clearer. Let’s pretend he is training for a wrestling match against other men. His own social circle just happens to be mostly female who prefer to do things like dancing (again, just stereotypical examples to make the point). Would you think there he necessarily likes going to the gym all by himself? Do you feel you would just need to give him his space and don’t offer him emotional support because that seems too feminine? So usually like here whenever the girl needs some practice dancing he can help her and physically lift her up and all to practice moves. However, technically she can’t help him with his wrestling training by physically lifting him up or grappling with him as it would like break her back. So that is the first example of why he would be on his own as he feels he can give but not receive.
The second factor is when it comes to his sport she feels it’s so violent/barbaric and whenever he shares details about his opponents who looks very intimating she tells him it’s impossible to win as he will get hurt. Even though he tries to explain it’s mostly about technique she just doesn’t understand as she is a dancer not a wrestler. So again, he just feels isolated where no one in his group understands what he is going through. It just seems better to be alone rather than continuously getting this negative and discouraging energy from people who don’t get it.
Think about it here. How many ways can that girl help the guy even if she literally can’t do the physical stuff to help him? Thinking even sillier in terms of masculinity, if for some reason the girl could wrestle at a professional level and could school him do you think he would love or hate that for his training progression? I would imagine most people would love that. Ultimately, the point is the above examples are very common with a person like myself which is how we developed this personality. Don’t underestimate the positive power you can have in the person’s life by doing the “feminine” things.
It’s almost like a dream come true to receive that kind of love and support. But as you sort of demonstrated a lot of females think it’s wrong in a way to do that. This probably wouldn’t be a good idea for people who are say more brash. But for a person like me with a more reserved personality it’s like a key point to winning them over and all. If I am like your boyfriend too, I would want you to “bug me” all you want about your issues as in my mind I should naturally be able to comfort you if this relationship is meant to be. The only danger is as mentioned in my other posts is if you keep taking and forget that a person like me needs to be nurtured too.
With what you wrote too about measurable goals we can think of this as like you have more of a business acumen and he has more of like an artist mindset. The key here is you have to demonstrate somehow that you “understand” technically what he is going through and all. Like for his work, would you say you actually understand truly what he does and how it works? In my opinion, it really is that simple to get the person to open up. But if you truly “dislike” or have “no interest” in the work he does then this will be tricky.
If you think about it, emotional support is measurable and achievable too. Example, usually a measurable or achievable goal in a typical sense with the above example could be something like “I will help him win one tournament.” As you reverse engineer how you would do that, you could have points such as “Attend the gym one day a week with him to offer emotional support and motivation.” To do this though, the key is to understand what he does. If you don’t, that should be your first step I think to learn more about what he goes through.
You don’t necessarily need to ask him to learn either. Example, if you are a corporate executive I could easily watch or read materials to see the type of drive, hustle and rejections a person like you receives on a daily basis to understand what you go through. That then enables me to be able to relate and talk with you in ways to show I understand and can offer you help.
When it comes to a person like me potentially getting hurt over “masculinity” issues, it’s not so much about if like a woman can do something better than me. Instead, it’s about feeling like my presence makes you a better person too where we equally contribute each other. In the feminine sense, it’s like saying if I can’t lift up this rock yet for some reason you can and I really needed that help that is not going to hurt my masculinity. I would love you for that. What would hurt my masculinity would be more like a rock fell on you and typically speaking a guy like me is supposed to be able to lift it up where you expect it too but I just can’t. That’s where it would like crush the ego of a person like myself.
So it’s not so much about what you do for him in a sense as opposed to what he feels in his mind you expect him to do as a “man” per se. That situation is different for everyone of course and is something you should know better about your situation specifically.