Helping the Dreamer, dream
Knives Chow Asks:
I hope that you are well. I’ve read your blog a few times now and I do find it very interesting. Like you, I feel like it’s hard to paint everyone with the general brush that astrology often does. However, I do find the coincidences very intriguing. I have had my fair share of Piscean interest, admittedly there are some qualities of their personalities that are consistent across the board. Currently, I am in a relationship with a Pisces and my housemate, who happens to also be a good friend of mine is also a Pisces. I love them both very much, equally for their sensitivity and strength. I find them rather resilient. I write only based on the two that are close to me now, for two people who don’t often have much direction in life, they are strong and rather resourceful.
My Piscean man is beautiful in many ways, and very naughty in others. He has disclosed a lot of his past, many of which should have sent me packing – in a way it has created a lot of question marks for me and how to proceed in our relationship. More recently, we hit a speed bump. Being the sensitive being that he is, he is taking it a lot harder than I feel it should be taken. This bump has given us an opportunity to real expose ourselves though, and I am appreciative of how vulnerable we’ve become because of it.
After a very intense night, which involved me crying over trivial life problems and him trying to console me – I made the silly mistake of asking him where he saw our relationship going, as a means to clearly make myself feel better. This naturally backfired and ended in us each calling for the week to ourselves to think things through. After a week of not seeing each other and fewer than normal texts – we finally met up. I could tell by the little nuisances in his face that he wanted to hug and kiss me. Me being stubborn to the core, gracefully greeted him at the door and invited him in. No hug or kiss, just a smile. We sat on the couch next to each other, facing each other and being comfortable. Clearly wanting to make contact but reserving ourselves because we were on the brink of breaking up.
I let him talk. He said that he was constantly going back and forth with wanting to break up. Half of him believes that it shouldn’t be this hard. The other half thinks I am good for him, that he loves me and that some of the reasons why this isn’t working is his inadequacy in never feeling good enough for me. Again, back story: I earn double what he does. He and I just started new jobs when we first met. He is at the start of his career while mine is just kicking off after being in the position that he is in now. He had to take a huge pay cut in order to start working in the field he desires. It’s a lot to process on top of having a new relationship.
During our conversation I wanted to ascertain why he wanted to leave – I am not the type to accept these things without a logical explanation. After all, I do love him. He explained finally, that expressing himself was hard because it made him emotional. I said, that I understand doing so is far more difficult than to walk away or not talk at all. However, this conversation is bring us closer to together and closer to finding a solution. He agreed with that. He is torn between the fairy tale and feeling worried that he may never live up to my expectations. He also disclosed that he cheated on all but one of his girlfriends.
On that last note, he said that as a younger man he was not a good person. This need to be with other girls, apparently, doesn’t have any explanation other than he was a jerk. But it doesn’t explain why he did it again in his last relationship (even though he said he actually felt guilty this time) and why he would chose to tell me. To me, it’s like he is trying to give me a reason to move on from him.
After this weekend, when I went over to his place and showed him the sweet and sensitive side that I know he needs – he changed his mind to say that he wanted to stay with me because I made him happy and that he loved me. Is all of what he has said to me a result of being afraid and too sensitive? I am not as romantic as he is but I am known to be very nice and patient. And of course I love him too but I feel like I should walk away from this as his feelings seem fickle – like they are too much based on how he feels at the point in time. All relationships will hit a bumpy ride – I don’t want to have to worry that he’ll run to the arms of another person or mess about just because he is unhappy. To me, that isn’t what true love is about. I will always have faith that people have it within themselves to change, but the change can’t happen because of me – it has to happen because he wants to and sees the benefit in changing. I know deep down all he wants is a happy family life, much like me.
He is just too deep in old habits and methods of thinking and therefore, acting that he runs away or sabotages a good thing before it hurts him first.
I feel in your case it’s all about consistency in the information he gives you if you truly want to take it that far. This is just my opinion of course, but based on what you wrote it sounds like he is in a way taking advantage of the side in you that wants to believe in the best out of people or that they will change because of you. What commonly happens from what I have seen anyways is that a person like you then keeps giving to be betrayed by the other where the person’s answers is either “I don’t know why I do it” or that they jump on to the next person.
Here’s an example. There was a guy I knew where at the moment way back he broke up with his girlfriend. I asked why and he said she was verbally abusing him. Fast forward to years way after where I saw him again and he wanted something from me. He was actually telling me things like he was scared to approach me because he thought I wouldn’t want to be friends with him and all since it seems like he was very unstable in life professionally. It was shortly after when I asked about things like his relationships where he revealed to me that he actually cheated on the girl that he broke up with way back. Long story short, I found out that he kept doing this currently with all the woman he was with pretty much.
To me that was a warning sign that this guy is bad to have in my life. However, wanting to be helpful and all I allowed this person into my life. That was definitely a bad move as he just exhibited pretty much the same type of behaviors of constantly lying to people and all while using “confessions” as a way to get people sucked into his trap.
If you are one that is really into logic then you can approach it that way too. For example, he stated he cheated on his girlfriends and all. So what did he do about? If he didn’t do anything, then in my view that means he hasn’t changed because he never directly addressed and owned up to what he did. If he claims he did do something to help make it up to them then confirm it. At the same time, ask past people in his life on how he treated and acted around them. Like in my case above, you’d be surprised on how technically similar the whole process can be in terms of things like his confessions if he is on the deceitful side. You may think you are so special where the person is only revealing this to you just to realize it is like a textbook strategy of theirs.
That might not be the case of course, but there are more odds of that being the case then the opposite from my personal experiences anyways. Again, how far do you want to research into it? Based on everything you wrote, to me him telling you those stories isn’t to give you a reason to leave per se in a noble way. It’s more like in his mind it is a gamble where he is throwing the dice as based on your history it is like an all or nothing bet at a casino of your gullibility and tolerance in a sense to keep things going.