Don’t know what to do anymore
I have been talking to a pisces guy for about 3 months now but we have,known each other since last year from a job I was working were he worked. When we first started talking both of us were in a different relationship. He was always trying to talk,to,me at work and then started talked,to,me,about a,lot,of,problems he had,with that relationship. Well when we first hooked I didn’t think anything would go as far as it has I honestly just wanted the,attention because I was getting my needs met in that way in the relationship I was in. So we slept together the 2nd time we hung out and it went,on,all day long. After that he said it felt,like,more then just sex. And started telling me so,much about him that most people wouldn’t tell anyone.
He got,very emotional with me and I’m a capricorn so that kinda made me fall for,him and want to take care of him. After that he started calling and texting daily like 4 to 5. Times a day but,I wasn’t treating it as a relationship cuz he told me he wasn’t ready for an actual relationship. But the thing is he would call all the time. But never wanted to make plans,to,hangout. He was always tired,or working overtime. We only saw each other maybe once a week sometimes every other,week. But he canceled,alot. So I argued with him and,straightens up a little then he called one,night and I was asleep and didn’t answere he thought I was,out and left like a,jealius2 message I called the next day and told,him to not,be like that if he didn’t want me as girlfriend.
After that the calls got to be fewer. And only saw,each other like once every 2 weeks. We stayed the night with each other,one time. Well he started calling,me babe,and saying he missed,me but still hardly ever wanted to see me. So we talked,and,he,told me has,feelings,for me and,when we,kiss he feels so,much,passion and that he feels calm and safe with me. But he never shows,me. I don’t get it. I mean I go he,is,going threw alot but if you feel calm and all that with someone wouldn’t you want to be around them more. Also,we,stopped having sex,for,a,while cuz he said he wanted,to try and wait till marriage but we still met up and talked and would kiss and live,on,each other. He said he I’m a great person and he wanted to get to,know,me better but his actions just don’t say that really cuz he is always backing out on plans.
So he called last week after a situation and said he didn’t want to be alone we had hung out for about 3 hours while he,was waiting on a,call and he had asked,me to go with him to see someone then when he got the call he just went alone and met,me after.well we ended up having sex and right after that he starts freaking out crying,and says he has to go Also his,ex,just got him in trouble so now,our conversations are becoming even less. Ill message,him and he will not answere but then when I argue with him he will answere.
Now,I’m trying to believe he is not being a emotional fuckboy cuz he I accused,him of that and. He got upset he reads and responds to my long add messages but doesnt if I just ask him a question. He has felings,for me but barely ever wants to get together. I don’t,know if he is depressed or scared of having feelings again or just keeping,me around for his conscience. And with as emotional as,he,is and how,much I care for him its hard to just walk away from him but at the same,time I don’t want to let him think,I’m ok with his behavior. Advise or thoughts pleeeeease??
By the sounds of it he isn’t entirely confident about this relationship where in many ways he is afraid of “screwing up” in life per se. That makes perfect sense as to why as you say he responds to your long messages while not being keen about planning for events and all. Basically the more freedom and flexibility he has to control his answers and outcomes as much as possible the more likely he will do it. Virtually no different than why some people can say write out thorough thoughts on paper but when they speak in person nothing comes out due to like nervousness.
With how you described the situation too it sounds like it’s as simple as being clear on what you want and the “non-negotiable” aspects of a relationship for either of you. For example, if you say what he does is unacceptable then you honestly just need to be ready to walk if he can’t be the person that you envision. The neutral thing to do is to find out specifically about his insecurities and offer to help. If he doesn’t want the help or to change then realistically it’s best to let me do what he has to do to deal with it alone I feel.
I think that is important too because it seems like you two run back to each other more because it is convenient per se which I feel is a big cause of this all to. Basically time for the both of you to be crystal clear on what you want while not giving out if you two can’t consistently and naturally co-exist. As you mentioned he may feel calm around you but if it is for convenience that means in many ways he doesn’t see it as a long term thing. Like saying you may run to this restaurant that you don’t think is the best for you because you want something now. Then on the flipside the restaurant may not really want the person but they are a customer. Be clear on what you want and be sure to stick with it I say.