Did he swim too far
Hello, I am an aries woman who recently got out of an 8 month long distance relationship with a wonderful pisces man. I am very confused. I don’t know what to do I love him. He broke up with me last week due to the mean cold things I said to him. I didn’t understand it we were all fine 2 weeks ago but i realized I put pressure on him about a month ago I brought up the future and how I want certain things established.
I think when I did that I turned him off then from there we got into a bigger argument because I felt things were unresolved then to make it worse I suggested a break which at first he did not want but I think That influenced him to break up with me even more so his birthday was last month and I was going to see him and just 3 days before I was going to see him he wanted to break up first when he was talking about breaking up he started putting the blame on him & how he wants to be finically secure and he did tell me that wants he gets secure he will be ready for a relationship but I wanted to scare him & tell him if we break up now then don’t expect me to wait for you & I was just making it worst because me being an aries I was forcing my opinions on him trying to change his mind.
I told him im not wasting my money & canceling my ticket & that we could make this work but he wouldn’t budge I was devastated so I texted him telling him he would have to cancel all the things I had planned for us to do for his birthday then he texts me saying I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you things just faded & I was hurt because I truly don’t understand how he could “lose” feelings that quick I recently apologized to him I let him know that if he would of said the same things I said to you I would do the same thing & break up but I don’t want us to be over I just want to know will he back should I wait it out & not say anything to him my heart hurts he was wonderful to me & I do realize the things I’ve said I do want to change apart of me wants to pour my heart out to him but I am truly scared I will just push him away and he will never come back I mean since we did break up we have texted some and called but that can mean anything right?
Your situation sounds like it purely comes down to his life experience with a person like yourself. Example, if I have never dealt with this situation before then I would be inclined to still allow you into my life. However, if from my personal experience a situation like this has consistently turned bad then it’s pretty much over in my mind.
That financially secure part stuck out to me where I think it actually had a lot more meaning to it from my perspective anyways. For example, it sounded like this was a potential big reservation from the start where for whatever reason he decided to take that barrier down and jump into a relationship with you. That’s a huge gesture of “trust” if you want to call it that.
So when you started threatening him with things where finance seems to play a role in the discussion, such as saying you are not wasting your money on tickets, you kind of reaffirmed in his mind that he is a “loser” and that his “weaknesses” in life will not be nurtured by you. Instead, it feels that you use his weaknesses against him to try and show dominance, if that makes sense.
Imagine a scenario where I felt I was someone who couldn’t walk for whatever reason which I felt very subconscious about. Example, not being able to do regular physical activities that most others would, being able to freely get to places myself, etc. Now obviously a person doesn’t want to be reminded of that handicap and therefore feels they would never be good enough for someone. Now you come along where you seem to embrace it. While I had my reservations I decided to trust you on that.
Now imagine one day we got into a dispute. You now tell me things such as you are going to go hiking instead of wasting your time doing things like watching a movie at home. As well, you tell me that you are going to cancel all special transportation arrangements to go see an event. If you really think about it the main thing here isn’t like say your blunt personality per se but rather how your actions attacked the person’s insecurities that he trusted you with in virtually every way. Understanding that should enable you to understand how to repair it.
You could argue in a sense that one’s insecurities is something they should have to deal with for themselves. At the same time, where is the balance between having two couples who should be helping to naturally make each other stronger? That’s for you to decide of course. Speaking for a person like me, the fact that he still has some kind of contact is good. That means you have an opportunity to repair the damaged relationship. You just have to be extremely consistent with it now because like in my mind odds are if you aren’t genuine with it you won’t stay long anyways. So expect a potentially long journey if that is truly what you want.