Continuing To Build An Unclear Relationship
Hi Alan, thank you for the 2 earlier posts. I was the one who posted a question regarding how does one tell if Pisces men were to treat them as authentic people and allowing them deeper into his life?
Here I am with a slightly more detailed story. He had recently started his own business and the last we communicate I was asking if he needs my help and he said thank you to me but without telling me things I could do. And he said unless I have a fabulous list now that could show him in a joking or semi serious way. I can’t tell as its over text. So I am contemplating to help him with these by doing up a list. But I don’t know should I give it to him as most probably he could tell that I specifically went through the trouble of creating that. I am quite certain this might put him in a spot where he must return that kindness back to me.
Sorry that my story is going to be kinda long…
We were colleagues a year ago and I maintained contact with him. Once in a few weeks and sometimes once in few months. Although I am always the one who initiate contact, he will always reply me quickly and will ask about me too. Things like how was my studies and how’s my life.
In a neutral point of view, I would describe our relationship as mutual attraction, as he likes what he see and vice versa. I say this because we are always looking at each other, frequently our eyes meet and he have soulful eyes that gave me a feeling that he is hurt in some ways, maybe in the past or present. But due to the fact we are both attached I did not proceed anything beyond appropriate concern and casual playfulness and flirting.
I believe a relationship or a marriage is a commitment and not solely relying on love but time spending together and going through turbulence through life events. So, I am explaining myself now if anyone were to think I am being fickle.
I thought about my situation that could jeopardise my current relationship and came to a conclusion to myself after reading your blog that even though we couldn’t advance in a romantic sense I wish to stay as good friends. He was a very unique and a special person to me so I can’t bear to see him gone from my life entirely.
The fact that he influence me on many different levels of my life makes him unforgettable. I am a reserved person who tend to observe everyone around me yet seldom interact with them unless I have a need to express myself and I used to suffer from low self esteem and I think that leads to job hopping (he is not aware).
After knowing him, he gave me simple yet powerful insights whenever I was getting demoralised. After he left this company to set up his own business, I left too and went to further my studies while working in another similar company which cater to my schedule and managed to stick through it. Recently he is recruiting new staffs as I heard from one of our ex colleagues and through job advertisement site but he did not ask if I would like to join him though when I texted him. Instead he gave me the link to his company website and said, “tell me what are your views” with a cheeky emotion icon ( I don’t know if he is asking for my views in his company or indirectly asking if I would like to join his company, as the main page there is a ‘join us’ tab) I assume it’s the latter and I was honest to tell him that I saw his company website weeks ago and the advertisement from the job site the salary was awesome but I haven’t completed my studies and the location was too far from my house (almost 2 hours of travelling time) Till now, I was still embarrassed if his intention was not to invite me to join his company.
I am not a person to rant on my problems but in the past, often he will notice I am sad and his actions encouraged me to talk more about problems I have at work. I am amazed at his ability to know since no one else can tell when I am feeling sad, maybe I hide it too well. Some of the simple yet meaningful things he told me in the past and recently, being ‘learning through the hard ways’, ‘keep looking forward to everyday’ and ‘don’t be afraid to go for it’. All these simple sentenced sets me thinking deep, looking within myself and and it wasn’t what a typical men would do when they are trying to impress you or trying to boost their ego. Instead, it makes me want to become a better person like him.
I do not know where do I stand in his mind or heart, is it a just a person that he felt that needed help, was I someone whom he think is authentic and nice to have around or was I someone that he have intangible feelings about yet unable to bring it further due to the fact we are both liable to our another half? Thank you Alan.
I am actually still in the midst of writing the third post about “zones” when I got your message. Maybe that will help in terms of giving you the knowledge to know where you stand in his life. I’ll answer your questions based on what you wrote here though as you have given me a basis to work with.
To me it sounds like he is giving you almost every signal in the world to be in his life. That passiveness of him giving you his website is an example of that I feel based on everything you wrote. As well, everything from talking about his struggles to asking for your opinions about an important venture in his life.
When you said the company is too far and all that is like throwing a boulder into the road in terms of you giving him access to you I feel. I wouldn’t be too concerned about wondering if he was asking you to join as opposed to how the answer is like a form of rejection in every way if your goal was to be in his life. Many times the mentality is if you truly want to say help or be in the person’s life you will find some way to do it. Like here there is only really three types of possibilities I feel:
1) He wanted your opinion because he needs advice and is unsure about something.
2) He is passively offering you a job as he wants to help you in life and feels this could be the way to do it.
3) He is desperately in need of people he can trust in an effort to launch his business.
Either way, he essentially wants you involved. I don’t know exactly what you wrote, but if the message was mainly it’s too far for you with no kind of alternative all three points essentially shot him down in terms of his way of inviting you to continue in being in his life.
Similar with how you said he was “joking” about the list. To me, that means he does want help but doesn’t want to ask directly. Odds are most people in his life never bothered to really follow through to actually help him for the times he really needs it. It’s not a coincident I feel on why deep thinkers and sensitive people are often the outcome of these kinds of experiences. One is essentially forced to develop a keen understanding of emotions fast for the sake of emotional well-being since you don’t have the luxury of getting it from anyone else so to speak. No real difference on how some people are forced to grow up fast due to life circumstance where people wonder how the heck like a kid can be so mature in their way of thinking and speaking.
To me it sounds like he has placed you in the authentic zone category. I do that a lot as example with the “tell me what you think” routine for people I feel who are authentic. With everything in mind, I would personally say make him that list. Based on everything you wrote, he is giving you the invitation to play a role in his life. This is where a person like me determines what kind of connection I should create with you in my life. Especially if it is a scenario where I feel I have given you a lot of my own energy.
If this guy is anything like me then inside he should be ecstatic if you actually went through all that trouble to make him the list which he really needed. And I mean ecstatic. Because don’t forget, most people probably don’t usually do anything for him where he has to take the lonely road. Add that with how you mentioned you feel that his ability to know you are sad seems amazing when no one else can tell. The simple explanation is, to a certain degree he has probably “been there” in terms of whatever you are feeling and so he can pick up on it. Like there too, while the person has developed a unique system to deal with it on their own, actually having another person aid them in their challenges is just a breath of fresh of air.
For the part about whether or not he wants to be with you closer and wondering if he just can’t due to having another commitment, you shouldn’t try to change this and just respect his decision on that. Like I tell others too, you shouldn’t be doing any of this stuff in hopes to break him away from the other per se. You shouldn’t even think about too much either as opposed to just focusing on maintaining the relationship. I mentioned before in a different post it is very hard to find people you can genuinely connect with. Regardless of what that relationship ends up being whether it be friends or romantic one, I would say deep inside a person like him is really hoping he could have more people like you in his life.