Is he playing mind games?

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  • #2577
    Jennifer
    Participant

    I work with a pisces and immediately fell for him. I tried to hide it at first. We would flirt but then when we started talking he said he doesn’t flirt and was only being friendly with me. I’m married and going through a separation and he’s always there to lend an ear. He was really interested at first asking alot of questions to get to know me but he pulls away. He’s never said he has feelings towards me but I can tell by the way he acts around me kind of shy and nervous. He knows how I feel about him and he makes comments sometimes that confuse me. Most recently when I went to see him kind of like a surprise he lives about 45min from me so he asked if I was ok and what was my reason for making the long drive. I said I wanted to see him. But throughout the night he kept asking me why I drove there. I said he seemed stressed lately and I hate I couldn’t be there for him because he’s always there for me and because I missed him. He said finally you said it, took you long enough, it’s been 3 months. He finally made a move and we just hugged and kissed. Then things got heated but we didn’t go all the way. He held me and I told him I wanted him. He said you want a relationship with me right? I said yes. He then made a joke let me find out you want to be Mrs…and his last name. I laughed and said well it does have a nice ring to it. He said it does. Here we are a few weeks later and I feel he’s playing mind games with me. He said he’s making plans to move to another city about 5hrs away. So we get to talking and I’m telling him how I feel about him and now he says I need to focus on myself right now not jump into another relationship that may not workout for me. He says he’s not the guy I need. And that I just like the idea of him. I told him not to say that because he just doesn’t want to be the guy for me. I told him if I only liked the idea of him I would be on dating websites or talking with the guys my friends try to hook me up with. I feel we’re always playing this push and pull game. He’s previously told me he’s only ever pursued one woman and maybe she’s the only one he’s ever loved. I usually initiate contact via text but when were at work he would usually initiate contact. And he didn’t like to see other guys hug me. He even tried to make me jealous a couple times. But now he’s pulling away again. What can I do? Do I just need let him go?

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    #2583
    Alan
    Keymaster

    With what you wrote and in trying to think like this person it feels like he kind of loves having the ability to read you to in a sense control the situation. I am almost inclined to say he finds you very attractive but only goes as far as to not incriminate himself per se to make it seem like he is the one in control. That to me makes the most sense with what you wrote on how it seems like he is clearly into you yet he then goes into these analysis moments such as saying you just like the idea of him.

    Because if you think about it that makes no sense. If he truly knew that you were into him and that you only like the idea of him where he thinks it’s a bad idea then why would he even get physical with you such as the hugs and kisses? The common sense thing to do would be to stay away from you in those ways. But again, to me that makes sense where he finds you attractive and wants some “action” while trying to do it in a way where he feels like he is the one in control. Your comment about him saying he doesn’t flirt and is just friendly demonstrates that too.

    It could fit in too with how he initiates conversations with you at work. Because there he knows there is more “threat” that another guy could woo you over and so placing himself with you in those types of settings minimizes that. So is he playing mind games? With what you wrote I would be inclined to say yes.

    What you should do is really up to you. But if you are leaning towards seeing if this can work in general I think it’s about looking for any consistencies in the way he answers questions. For example, he says he is planning to move 5 hours away. Simple questions would be how long has he planned it for? If he was planning it for a long time yet he still kissed you and all with everything he said then to me it potentially shows further that he did all this knowing he would have a technical way out.

    If instead he says he was just thinking about it recently but is willing to stay if he gets whatever it is he needs locally, maybe a better position, then that shows he actively trusts you to share that information while giving you an opportunity to potentially propose a different solution or path that consists of you two being together. Because in my view he would actively try and be with you where every option is a possibility per se if he truly meant it.

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    #2589
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your response. It gives me alot to think about. I really like this man. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I just hate the mind games.

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