Becoming Cold And Completely Disconnecting From Another
People often talk about how a person with my personality type can just disappear from someone’s life in a sense. Similar to the topic about a person like me ignoring another, this kind of falls along the same topic. I thought it would be educational to dive into just what it takes to get a person like me to in a sense to not care about another as it only takes one incident to do it since the topic has come up frequently here in recent times.
This is actually a story that was pretty recent for me too. I have been attending this martial arts class for about a year which involves a lot of physical fitness and such. For the most part, I get along with people and would often ask about their lives as a way to get to know them better. Example, how their day at a job is, if there is anything I can do to help, etc. It just seems like the natural thing to do to care about your fellow peers right?
Now one day in the class I was working with a guy who got over zealous. In an undisciplined manner, he literally punched me in the head pretty hard(Which he actually denies in some ways). The sad thing was I have been warning the instructors about this person’s level of control for awhile where they didn’t seem to take it seriously either. I started to experience pain in my head after and as a result I thought this was like a warning sign that stuff like this wasn’t being taken seriously and so I formally wrote a letter to the organization about the incident and my injury.
It was kind of weird for me too as I never experienced this kind of pain and I rarely go to see doctors. They started to do these odd tests on me such as asking if I could say the months of the year backwards, if I could walk straight, etc. Just for the record for those who are wondering, at this point the conclusion based on questioning is that I am experiencing some kind of whiplash due to the force of the neck snapping back really fast. They told me if I still experienced pain that I should go back and maybe something like an MRI would be done.
As I returned to the class a few days after the main instructor asked me if I was okay and what the conclusion was. I told him what the doctor mentioned about waiting two weeks and potentially getting an MRI of sorts if it doesn’t seem to go away. It’s kind of weird where at first it’s like the left side of my head has the pain and was a bit numb. Everyone in the class heard this as well.
Then an interesting situation happened. The instructor was trying to demonstrate a drill with a student who then accidentally nailed the instructor on the chin. It was a clear accident of course. Then one lady in the class blurted out “Uh oh, you better go get an MRI now.” To me, that kind of showed that she took my situation as a joke. Either that or she is in a sense a very uncompassionate person. However, like many times I don’t make conclusions right away about people and their actions as this type of information just sits in like the middle until I have further confirmation.
Eventually, the owner of the school held a mini meeting of sort with all the long-time students to talk about my incident as a way to show it was serious. That lady was actually there too and heard everything. At the end of it all, the owner was expressing how he hopes I will get better and that they do take the situation seriously.
While I am still experiencing the pain, it’s weird as it seems like it only comes back at certain times. As a result, I just do simple stuff in class at the moment. The instructor would always ask me in-front of everyone if I felt okay doing certain exercises. I would express how certain things seem to trigger the pain/migraine at the moment if I go too hard at it so I should take it easy.
What happened shortly after was very weird. That same lady from before then turns around and asks me “What is wrong with you now?” My immediate thought to myself was “Is this a serious question?” Keep in mind, she was at that meeting and not to mention it should be pretty obvious based on what was just said. Regardless, I told her that I was still feeling the same pain from the incident. Right when I said “pain” actually she quickly turned around as if she didn’t want to hear more. Very weird huh?
From what I analyzed I kind of figured what was going on. She actually got along with the person that punched me. So therefore, it’s like one of those situations where a person doesn’t want to believe nor do they want to take sides which is fair. However, for me I wanted to clarify why she asked me that question. Cause regardless, it’s almost like me knowing a person had a loved one pass away yesterday and when I saw them sad after I ask them “What is wrong with you now?”
I then asked her if she thought I was joking about the pain I am experiencing. She then said how she doesn’t know as it is not her position to care if someone is in pain or not as different people attend the class and each have their own injuries and such.
Yes, there was an odd silence there as you can imagine. Keep in mind, this is the same person like for all others I would normally ask how their day was while wanting to provide any kind of support I can for them. I responded by saying “that is odd.” She then went on a mini rant about how she works at a job where she meets injured people all the time and it’s not her job to care. Again, it was just a little hard to believe that this is the same person I was in a sense offering my care and attentiveness to. We got along perfectly fine before too.
Now from an analytical point of view in a rational sense it seems perfectly explainable in my mind. Basically, my assumption is because I am not expressing my physical pain in an exaggerated kind of way where I seem normal on the outside this probably makes her wonder if I am truly in that much pain. I would say a reason for this too is because she gets along with that guy that punched me and so it’s kind of like she is hoping to confirm to herself that he would never do stuff like that intentionally in such an aggressive way. But regardless, the response she gave kind of showed me the type of person she really is on the inside where in a sense she is making it abundantly clear that for like a person like me she could care less if I was in pain or needed help in life. If it doesn’t concern her then no consideration is given.
As a result, I can now conclude everything about her such as that “joke” she made about the MRI. It’s going to be virtually impossible for her to change my mind with just small talk now. Essentially, I would only speak to her if it involves some kind of required teamwork activity as I will still be professional as an example. In the sense of like zones and level of care, she can’t even get into the first one. As you can see too, there is nothing dramatic in the way I show it. The person is pretty much just gone in my mind where I now simply don’t care about them as a person. I wouldn’t even want to socialize with the person. By saying she didn’t care about my pain to me translates to her being extremely inauthentic as a person for all the times we have gotten to know each other.
How is that possible when you think about it as that kind of contradicts so much about me in a sense right? Even for this example too, it just comes down to personal life experience that developed my way of thinking. Like in other examples I used, there were many times where I have often helped people who in return wouldn’t do the same back when I am in need. Therefore, the logic even from the standpoint of helping others is I can help more people by not allowing those who clearly have no care for me to take up my energy.
Just an exaggeration, what would have happened if hypothetically that situation actually ended up being truly bad where I immediately couldn’t even move, speak or type anymore? Now imagine everyone in my life was like that lady. How would you, the person reading this, have known about the situation? You wouldn’t as I would just be gone and the world now has one less person to share their knowledge. That person wouldn’t care in any way either correct?
Instead, I would think the logical situation is to surround yourself and offer your energy to those that truly do care. Like there, if that bad scenario did happen I would imagine there would be at least people who would try and help you recover or the extreme would be they would try and help the person continue their work in some way. That’s what I would do personally at least. Nothing mysterious about this way of thinking as even people like me understand that I won’t always be in a position to give. It just makes more sense to spend your time and energy with people who share similar values. At least that is how I think of it.