Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag – October 30, 2014

Virgo sun Taurus moon asks:

I met this pisces guy 4 years ago at the uni. He was my lecturer, 8 year age gap. We seldom talked and even when we did, it was strictly in a student-lecturer context. I then returned to my home country and got a job in academic also.

During the time he started inbox me on facebook, complimenting me on pictures that I’d posted. I politely thanked him and felt pleased becaused I’ve realized that he’s fond of pictures and travelling too. He gave me his skype and said we should talk sometimes but at that time I didn’t really make an effort to talk to him as we are 7 hour apart and I just considered him to be my former lecturer and all.

He kept in contact with me for the last 3 years, mainly by sometimes inbox me on facebook with some short comments on my pictures.

Around two months ago he inbox me again and we chat for sometimes. I told him I’m planning to travel to his country with my friends next year and he seems happy. The next day he said that he wants to visit my city in the nearest time and stressed that he’s coming to meet me and that he’s talking to me as a woman not his former student. I was trully moved and we started talking on skype.

Things were good at first, the chemistry was really high and we both feel attracted. We don’t skype on a daily basis but he would properly called me on facebook and we skype when we have time off work. I’m okay with just texting and sharing things happened in the day but he prefers talking. When we skype he would share his wishes to have a family, and kids, and he talked about his family, asking about mine blah blah.

What concerns me now is that some days ago, he started talking about wanting to kiss me and make love to me! As I remember he was asking me sending him my selfies and I did but he said “The pics that u’ve never shown to other guys” and stuff. I did not quite get his idea when we stopped the conversation but thought it was ok. He did not contact me for the next two days. When we texted again he was sulking. I told him that we’ve just talked recently and I think we should spend time understand each other more. He said ok, but then suddenly bluntly mentioned about making love and all.

From the day we started talking he did mentioned about sex here and there, but never in a direct way to me. Is it normal for pisces guy being this direct and all? He talks short and firm. Said he find me sexy and sensual despite my pure and colgate-smile images on facebook. I equally told him I find it pleasant talking to him but we need to take our time. For these 1,2 days he stopped initiating contacts.

I’m the traditional and reserved type but I do understand guys process different mindset.  I’m just wondering what would be his intention talking about sex this way (Not to mention that we’re in two very distanced countries) and what do u think as a pisces yourself about his behaviours?

Thanks and blessings,
Virgo

Virgo sun Taurus moon,

To me it sounds like he recognizes that since he was your lecturer in school that there is a little bit of social awkwardness for him to pursue you as something more than just a student.  That combined with the age difference probably makes this truer.  Therefore, it feels like he is strategically throwing you various things so that hopefully you pursue him instead.  That way, he can say things such as everything is mutual as opposed to people labeling him as like say a manipulator for going after students.

It’s like throwing spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks.  To me this would make sense with all the conversations and subtle mentions about sex as you implied.  I know for myself, this is not “normal” as for me my mentality is I want “the one” where if I am looking for a long-term companion I would prefer to take it extremely slow.

I can give you an example of another “Pisces” I knew though that was that aggressive about sex.  Essentially, he felt like he was the dominant one compared to his girlfriend.  He would say that he tells her to have sex with him and such cause that’s what people in relationships do but she apparently didn’t want to.  He was actually in a long distance relationship with her too and apparently one day she asked him what life would be like if she moved to his country such as a job.

You might find this unbelievable, but he then told me in a “I can’t believe she asked me this” tone that he told her if she moved her role would be to clean the house and take care of the pet.   Believe me, I was dumbfounded at that and he just didn’t see it.  From my personal opinion and observations, he basically felt that now that she in a way fully trusts him, he can essentially use her in whatever way he wants.  For the record, this guy actually cheated on her multiple times.

That’s what worries me about this individual based on your writing as in a similar fashion it would seem like he almost feels like he is at the point where he can control you in that type of way.  He is just trying to find the right final button to push.  Replying to him despite you feeling uneasy is essentially telling him to keep going too.  My personal opinion is if you want to take it slow then take it slow.  Be firm.
There can really only be two results I think.  He will either be even more aggressive which I would personally say is a sign to run away or he will take the time to ask you how you feel and what you would like to do instead.   Essentially, either the person just wants something from you, such as sex, or they want to build a life with you.  Just be cautious and don’t fall into the trap of you think they will change because a lot of people like the other person I knew uses that to their advantage.

Artsyboho Asks:

2 years ago I moved into a town where I met this man. We’ll call him Mr. Pisces. At the time my relationship was strained with my ex, and within a year I was no longer with him. Mr. Pisces has a store in town so I frequently would see him around. I know we are at least friends but lately I have been way more attracted and am wondering if he feels the same. He is very shy, so I find it hard to start conversations, however this all started at a art show we were both at.

He started asking me a lot of questions all of a sudden.  Since then, I catch him looking at me if we are are at the same coffee shop. One day, he made a point of telling me that he saw me on a dating site he is on. He said he wanted to message me but did not. He asked me to give him a high rating, and that he would in return give me one to “boost our profiles”. I was a bit confused after that, but did go out of my way to find him on the site. At first I couldn’t find him so I asked for his handle on the site. He said I probably wouldn’t find him because I am not looking for someone as old as him?!

I tried to tell him I didn’t think his age was a problem, but somehow I think that he thinks it is. As time goes on, I’ve made attempts of hanging out with him.  One night after meeting him in the coffee shop and asking what he was doing for the rest of the evening he reluctantly asked me over to his place for a beer. I was glad, but then he invited his worker from his store so we had probably 5 minutes of being alone. I just left when his friend said she had to leave as well.

I asked him to go for a hike with me soon, but he said I would have to remind him during the week. I sort of feel unimportant now, but regardless I still want to spend more time with the guy! Now I have to remind him about going for a hike in a few days but feel like a pest, even though he told me to do it. He said he even has to tell his workers to ask him for schedules, otherwise he never contacts them???? I guess that might have been his way of saying it’s not me? He could have said no, but I also know this sign likes to make others feel happy. I just want to know if he likes me enough to go ahead with everything, or if I should just back off before my feelings get too strong. I am a Taurus BTW. Thanks.

Artsyboho,

Oh, this is a little tricky.  In my personal opinion based on what you wrote, I would agree with you that he probably does try to make everyone happy and it is highly likely he is simply being polite.  Having said that, the fact that you said he was asking you questions and even mentioned the fact that he was on the same dating site would tell me that he likes you in some way but feels “there is no way” it will work for whatever reason.  Example, it could be the age issue he brought up.

Because of that, this increases the odds that him asking you to remind him and all is like an added protection from him getting hurt by rejection.  I mean logically, don’t you think it is odd that he told you that you two should boost each other’s profile where he doesn’t just boost you first so you know what his profile is?  Again, to me that says he is extremely insecure at the moment.

So unfortunately, it kind of reverses the potential of the getting rejected role.  Basically, he can be so insecure that you will end up putting your heart on your sleeve for him to never reciprocate your feelings.  Is that something you are willing to risk?  If no, then I think you answered your own question about whether or not you should go ahead with him.

Kendra Asks:

I’ve been on a date with a pisces male… Once we end up having sex.. We continue to stay in contact . The same as before but one day we got into a big argument over something small.. In result we didnt speak for days .& he finally accepted my apology & we decide to start over but now we still talk.. But not as much as before . I see him every week.. He said he like me. But i just don’t get why the communication sucks . When I text he answers but i feel i have to reach out first now vs than him reaching out first . Is this just a sexual relationship ? Why doesn’t he communicate more like before ? One day it feels like he likes me & then the next no ..

Kendra,

Based on what you wrote it sounds like the relationship was established because of the thrill, so to speak.  Because you got into an argument and were that physically close, I think most people don’t want to look like a jerk where they simply sleep around and leave people.  So my guess at this point with the information given is that he is kind of letting everything hang and see where it goes.  That way, at worst he can say he tried.

Chloé Asks:

Hello,

Me and my pisces boyfriend dated for 7 months and he had to leave to go to grad school (7000 km away). He told me he loved me, that he spent the most beautiful 7 months of his life together with me. he left 3 months ago, and he used to hint at me about finding a job in his area, or studies in his area. I am looking for a job, but due to visa procedures, i could only join him in january, si in a bit more than 2 months.

I love him like I have never loved before. I think about him about him all the time. Until last week , we talked every day and all of a sudden, he told me he was busy (which he must be) and that talking everyday like that was not realisitc.

he still answers to my messages, and send me some, but he doesn’t really open up and I feel like he’s drifting away. I also noticed that he became friends on facebook last week with a very pretty girl, pisces just like him. (and yes, I know I’m being insecure).

we don’t have an end date for our long distance relationship, but I am doing my best to close the distance.

I am asking myself why he would shut me off like that. I asked him if he did note want to keep contact anymore, he said no, that he was too busy, that the situation was difficult to handle and that we were not really together anymore ( which hurt me) and even if he wanted to talk all the time, it was impossible for him at the moment because he has too much work.

I am a virgo, and I like things to be clear. As a pisces man, could you tell me if I should read more than what he says in his messages ? Like in fact, he is breaking up with me, but tells me he’s busy, hoping that I would understand he moved on ?

Things were just so good with him, and he even talked to me about marriage and children. He was devastated he had to go and wished for us to be reunited. Would he be straightforward, being a pisces, and tell me if for him things were truly over ?

Thank you in advance for your answer,

Chloé

ps : sorry my english is not the best, I am French

Chloé,

Bonjour. 🙂   I personally feel you may be are over thinking.  This situation reminds me of how some people are better with words and some people are better with physical communication.  I am going to go out on a limb here and say that he sounds like someone who may potentially be more of the physical communicator such as the guy that wants to hold your hand instead of writing poetry.  Or at the same time, the guy that would rather cuddle with you all night as opposed to writing texts saying he loves you.  He kind of implied it too in some ways I think based on what you wrote on how it was difficult to handle now that you two aren’t really together anymore.

I think it’s probably wiser to focus on the immediate stuff since this is a long distance relationship.  Like many say, long distance relations are okay as long as both people are actively doing something to actually be together.  If he isn’t doing anything like that or even yourself then that is the real thing to think about I say on whether or not the relationship is over.

Katie Asks:

Been having a fwb relationship w a pisces man. Was long distance w only texting and calling for a year, with an occasional hook up Has now moved back and has progress to weekly sex sessions. Lady time we were together he just took my face in his hands and just soft kissed me. For like 10 minutes. He was just so gentle, stroking my hair, holding my face. It u settled me some. Is this just normal pisces behavior?

Katie,

Sorry, I am having extreme difficulties trying to understand what you wrote.  I am guessing that you are asking why is it that you went from a relationship where sex was rampant to now simply being a standard touchy/feely scenario?

Kind of hard to say because as you mentioned this is a friends with benefit situation.  Example, it could be that he feels the relationship is getting too close or that the situation doesn’t excite him as much compared to before.  This would be one of those situations where I would say simply ask the person as communication is key.

Cherelle m Asks:

Okay so pretty much I have a HUGE crush on a Pisces male, and I’m a Taurus female, but its so hard to read him and idk if he’s seriously onto me or am I just good for the time being. Okay here’s the basics, we’ve been on two dates and both dates went great he told me the first date that he finds me interesting and if he didn’t like me I wouldn’t hear from him again but it wouldn’t be that, because he wants to get to know me.

He would make little remarks about us having kids one day and at first I took it as “whatever smh” but then he hit me with the “I’m serious, we’d have pretty babies” so second date comes and we had a good time. Now after that I’d say a few days layer he messaged me saying “I’m just letting you know I’m leaving for Missouri tomorrow but I wanted to let you know before I did, like you would even care” and I explained to him that I did. Then he says “I hope your still there when I get back” which kinda made me feel like he’s really into me. So when he left I took it upon myself to ask him a serious question. I asked him what exactly was he hoping to come back too?

Because if he wanted to see where we would go then I wouldnt bother with anyone else and would wait for his return. I didn’t ask him to be with me of course, that’s to forward, but I did insist that I would wait for him and try to make this flourish into something else. He texted back and said this “to be honest I do like you but with the transition I’m making in my life I can’t commit to a relationship and I shouldn’t hault my love life for him” I responded simple but forward in my taurus like way “I understand, but I’m not gonna stop trying. I usually get what I want” in a playful way.

He took it well and said “fine with me no problem at all” note: he left for a better job and training. He won’t be back til January .. But these previous jokes and things he’s told me before this is confusing me. Its like he wants me but not now. And I don’t want to keep pressuring him but I don’t want him to forget that when hr comes back he will have a good woman waiting for him with open arms. What should I say to him??

How should I converse with him from this point on. I don’t want him to fall into a place where were just friends. I want to know and explore these places with him, like kids and a future. Should I keep sinking my teeth into him full blast or let it ride and keep it cordial?? I’m head over hills for this guy its just something about him that I feel is right.

Cherelle m,

My immediate reaction is this is going way too fast to seem real in some ways. For example, the first date and already talks about kids? It sounds like you two are playing bumper cars with words where it’s like a challenge for you two to one up each other. That can be good in a playful way.

With that in mind, this purely sounds like things have to remain fun and relaxed between you two in terms of progression. Example, instead of a person phoning because they are always needy for attention it’s more every time they talk with you they can get a good laugh. Because he didn’t commit to you before he left though I would take that as a sign that he is keeping his options opened. That doesn’t mean necessarily he is going to like sleep around, but at the same time he isn’t confident to say you are the one.

The only thing I can really suggest is keep up the communication in a fun way where if he is serious about you he will love it and ask for more. At the same time, ask at times if you can help him in any way. If he is open to allowing you to help him in his life then that is usually a good sign of trust to build something upon.