Pisces View

Blackdoll24 Asks:

Wow Alan,

I must say i am impressed, i recently stumbled across your site and you really have a great way of explaining things.

Bizarrely enough I am also a Taurus woman who is curious about your sign and would really like your insight.

I have known my Pisces male interest for quite a while 3 year now, but we recently connected again last Nov. I must say it has taken me a while to understand his behaviors especially since i dismissed him after we went on several dates a few years back and we parted ways. His excitable nature came across as flighty and untrustworthy.

He got back in touch Nov last year which bizarrely for me ended up in a quick getaway together in Dec, we had but didn’t sleep together as I still wasn’t sure i wanted to take it to the next step so quickly.

Ever since then it has been a bit of a rollercoaster while we have got to know each other, and it is now 6 months down the line.

I must admit i still have slight reservations in getting more involved with him especially in an intimate sense as I don’t want to get hurt, although we have been contacting and arranging to meet more frequently now for drinks after work drinks or hang out at a coffee bar and my feelings are beginning to change. I must admit that I do battle with my ‘sensible’ side as I would never usually give anyone like him the time of day.

Before my impressions were that he is flaky, indecisive and far too unpredictable for a lady like me who wants a strong, decisive loving man, but our contact is more frequent which suggests we are getting closer in some way or form.

Is there any advice you could give at the start of a relationship with a Pisces man that a lady like me would need to learn going forward, I am learning to use my patience skills a lot more with him, but it is always a fine line to determine whether I am compromising or ‘giving in’.

Thanks

Blackdoll24,

I was trying to think of a scenario where a person like myself would be as you say very excitable to the point that it can come across as being untrustworthy or flaky. I personally don’t know all the details about this person of course, but if you want the positive side of this it could be that things like going out with a girl in general is rare to him since he has this ideal view of what he wants. So when he potentially sees it he gets super exited to the point of being very open to want to know you more but at the same time because of the lack experience doesn’t know what to do. Kind of like saying a person that is laughing a lot can easily be because of nerves. In this case, excitement can be the nerves and inexperience too.

So let’s just use this an example. A person like myself looks for signs and key details. And by that I don’t mean I look at like what your astrological sign is. I don’t smoke for example. Because of that you can imagine how many people that eliminates for me in a relationship way. Now when someone with even that one quality is introduced to me it really pique’s my interest. I am excited to meet someone like you and want to see your personality unfold naturally through events and what not. With that in mind, I want you to be happy first and so when it comes to like choosing a place to go to the train of thought is if you like it then at least that semi ensures you will have fun whereas for me it’s more about spending time and getting to know you. As well, with my personality type I will be inclined to go even if it is a place or setting that I don’t enjoy that much.

So that is an example of what one can easily interpret as the guy is so indecisive and can’t even make decisions when it comes to simply choosing a venue where it has more to do with trying to be polite and not knowing what to do as his focus is that he wants to get to know you but fears he is being intrusive or making you go out of your way where you will call it quits.

My personal thoughts is that if you are worried that he is a little wishy washy and can’t stand on his own two feet when the going gets tough for example, if you feel your relationship is to a respectable point where you can work together then try to arrange something together that requires planning and execution. Some kind of fun competition/challenge is usually the easiest way I say. Example, if you are both musicians think of a contest that you can both enter together. If you are a business person think of a little mini project you can do together to see how much you can make from scratch.

In my opinion, these are great ways to see how loyal and committed the person can be with this type of personality and at the same time it accomplishes their goal of wanting to get to know you in an environment that can show a lot. You giving in here would be if the person always blows you off or say in the challenge you seem to always be having to push him to complete things.

Alicia Asks:

Hello. I am in a sticky situation. I am virgo girl interested in a pisces man. I like him, like a lot. We have lockers near eachother and we used to flirt a lot. He has always given me a serious look when staring into me, a look of want or desire. I think we started to approach eachother a lil for often than I got a bf. He of course noticed but I tried to have no physical contact with my boyfriend while I was infront of him..

He contunied to talk and such until after one day he seemed disnterested. Yet he still looks at me the same way and if we have one moment alone, we communicate. The other day I asked him to help me me play baseball. He said he would help me, he even sounded a lil excited. I got his number and texted me goodluck that night for his game. I waited a few hours and boom, he never texted me back. Today I seen him, he tried to avoid direct contact yet he still stared at me from the corner of his eye. I’m sure he is isn’t seeing anyone else.. Sometimes he gives me the vibe he likes me then other times he doesn’t. What do I do?? I want him to want to talk to me, like a chance?

Alicia,

I guess what I am super confused about here is that unless I am reading it wrong you indicated that you have a boyfriend? Therefore, assuming he has feelings for you isn’t it a fair comment that he feels uncomfortable and disappointed that you are essentially already taken? With that I would ask why do you want him to talk to you if you already committed to another person at the moment? Even for myself you are basically giving me all the signs to stay away from you as I wouldn’t want to intrude in you current relationship.

From what I read, the scenario could be he has feelings for you and when you asked him to help you he was excited as he saw it as an opportunity to get closer to you. However, as you said you normally try to hide your boyfriend from him and so maybe he thought it wasn’t that serious. But, after some research he found out that you are serious with him and so he decided to leave you alone. So this is a question that you need to to as yourself first and then make a decision. For example, if you want him to talk to you for romantic reasons then there should be no and ifs or buts where that means your current relationship is no more. Basically, it’s your move first here.

Crystal Asks:

So I met my Piscesin high school we became friends and eventually started a relationship he was sweet caring everything as was i, but early in the relationship i cheated then broke up with him. he forgave me and we moved on, after almost 2 years of going together we both took a trip to vegas and we had talked about future plans i told him that i was going to stay in vegas for a few Months(before we even took the trip) and 1 week later he broke up with me and started being cold towards me. i flew back and he still wants nothing to do with me.. he said he wants to be free for a while and talk to other people, but he said he still had feelings for me and missed me while I was gone..im just so confused.. i love him what should i do?

Crystal,

It sounds like there is currently too much trust issues where he feels entitled where because of the past you should be going out of your way to accommodate him in various things. As a result, it sounds like this is turning into a bit of a revenge game where because you hurt him in the past he is trying to a certain extent to do the same.

In my personal opinion, it sounds like his deep feelings for you were gone or put on hiatus awhile ago and that at the moment because of the trust issue you are more like a backup. I personally think it is best that you let him decide for himself and not try to push it. In many ways it sounds like yo two have different life goals as well and so that is something for you to think about. If you truly want to win him back though, it’s the indirect actions that are the key. Example, if someone stole from a child that created trust issues then saying sorry isn’t good enough but rather seeing consistent actions on how like the person started a successful charity to help other would.

Katherine Asks:

Hello, and thank you in advance for your time.

The situation that I am struggling with is this; I started to have very strong feelings for my Pisces man and let him know that because of what I was feeling, I felt that I shoud back off.

We had discussed previously our intentions for our relationship right from the start- I being ready for a committed relationship, and he finally ready to commit to himself and his dreams of moving far away and becoming a musician. Yet we still gave eachother what I would call mixed feelings about the entire thing.

I was always very supportive of his goals, and never pushed mine on him. I would actually try to push my feelings under the rug, as I did not feel that it was very supportive of me to bestow them upon him knowing that it was not what he ws interested in. But he knew what I felt. I would let him know subtly.. Plus, he is an intuitive Pisces of course.

Sometimes I would feel like he recipricated as well. Sometimes he would tell me he did. We also admitted to feeling that we shared a very deep spiritual connection. This scared me as I am a woman who has been hurt, and it has been a long time since I had felt this way about anyone. But I was falling very hard, very fast.. And I liked it. But… I also knew his goals! He’s leaving!! He wants to be famous!!! I couldn’t see where I fit into all of that. So I told him just that in a gental manner, from a place of love. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to be hurt.

I told him that my fear was that if we continued, my feelings would only become stronger, ths making it that much more difficult to say good-bye when he decided he was going, (He was thinking May, 2013.. Here we are in March), so I felt that saying bye now would be better.

He did contact me, to which I was predisposed, but he spoke to my son. They both shared veiws as to why I would be behaving this way, (My son is 15, and loves his mama:), and also made plans for him to come see us on the weekend. I laughed it off, and simply responed that they both were somewhat right in their veiws, greeted him, said I was sorry I missed him, and that he’d be welcome to come by if he chose to.

His response was light. Then nonexsitant. As was mine I suppose. I feel like I was just waiting to see how it would all pan out- taking his lead- because I know not to push him, to chase him.. To be.. What’s the word? Aloof? So I left him and the subject alone. Then by midweek, I stated to him that perhaps the weekend wasn’t such a good idea, maybe another time.

I haven’t heard from him. Part of me expects to. Part of me really doesn’t want to deal with all the heartbreak that this relationship, no doubt, will bring. Part of me wishes he will confess his feelings, if any, and tell me how much he misses me. Part of me wonders if he has any or if he does miss me. Part of me knows that it is just best to let him go-stick to my guns- because I know what I am worth, I know what I want, and I know what he wants also… But then part of me misses HIM terribly! .. And obviously I’m torn.

In the meantime, I have been trying to distract myself with my daily life, and also branching out to the idea of dating other men. I want to contact him sometimes, but my stubborness won’t allow it. If anything, I would want him to contact me. I do feel that it is best to just see what happens, and what will be will be. Truth be told though, none of this stops the occational tear from falling. A huge part of my daily routine is gone, and it hurts.

Do you think I handled the situation OK by a Pisces standards? Do you think he may feel the same as I do? Do you think he will contact me eventually? Do you think I should move on? Do you think maybe he has? LOL! Do you think I’m crazy? AAAAARG! I feel pretty crazy in this moment.

Anyhow, as I said in opening, I do appreciate any and all advise/thoughts/comments you may have, and look forward to your reply.

Thank you and Blessings,

Katherine

Katherine,

It sounds like you are doing a very good job of trying to be rational in a situation that most people would be purely emotional on. I think you are doing the right thing as by the sounds of it based on what you wrote it seems like to him you two being together is kind of a nice thing to have as oppose to it being a scenario where he feels he would offer you a lot too.

My only comment would be the part you mentioned that he was asking your son on why you would be acting a certain way. To me that indicates that he feels you are cutting him off, so to speak, in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable. Basically, like you are forcing it which I think you agree you are trying to do. I’m not sure to what extent you want to be in each other’s lives if a romantic one is out of the question for example, but that would show me that he wants to be in your life still with a who knows what will happen in terms of his career goals.

Other than that, again I think you handled everything in a polite and professional manner. And no, I don’t think you are crazy. Sounds like you have a lot of excess energy though.

Lily Asks:

First I want to apologize in advance for mistakes I will make because English is my second language.

My Pisces man and I (I am also Pisces) went out for a long time as friends before we started dating officially because I was very insecure about my feelings from my previous relationship. He’s 23 and I’m 25 if that matters. He also had some ex-girlfriend problems but we helped each other out with our emotions about our last relationships and it only brought us closer together. We were together for five months. In the beginning he was so excited about us, much more than I was. I felt like his queen and he treated me as one. I could really tell he fell for me really hard and he told me that himself. I also, with time, fell in love over heels with him and about our third months anniversary he told me he loved me and I said it back. We made plans together, he even mentioned marrying me someday, everything seemed just wonderful.

But then, just the next month I felt he was going distant on me. I tried to talk to him about that but he claimed that nothing was wrong or that he felt pressure at his job. Then he started to have this mood changes, one day he was great to me, the other he acted like everything was my fault and he told me I am smothering him, which I assure you is not true. First time he told me that I let him be the one to contant me first and we went out mostly when he suggested. I did my best not to be a pushover.

I was in other town for two weeks before the break up because I had exams. During that time we talked everyday. When I got back home he took me out to dinner and apologized about his behavior over the past few weeks. We saw each other again two days later and he was so nervous and grumpy. I asked him if everything was ok and he told me that it has nothing to do with me, he’s just nervous about his job and that everything will be fine. After two more days we went out again and even though he seemed to felt better than two days ago I felt he was mind-wandering. I asked him if he wanted to break up because I didn’t want us to be in unhappy relationship. He told me he doesn’t want to break up because he really, really cares about me, it’s just that he feels we might be more different than he thought we are in the beginning, but he wants to stay and work on it since he’s happy with us after all. We ended up having great time and sex later that night.

Again, few days later my best friend has just had a funeral for her husband and it was really hard time for her and me as her friends so I spent all day with her. When I came back home I felt really bad and all I needed is to hear his voice and see his face. I called him and asked if he can come online to talk but he told me he was tired and later he was going out with his best friend so he’ll call me when he gets back home. He never called that night. I tried to call him just once, he didn’t answer and I didn’t try anymore.

The next morning he appeared online and I told him I’ve called him and I asked him when he got home. In his word it was just about the time I made the call. I guess I kinda made some ironic comment about that but in the end I told him it’s ok and that we should pass the subject. Just after I said it he told me he cannot do this anymore and he wants to break up.

He told me he can’t take the pressure anymore, he doesn’t feel right in the relationship, he’s not happy and he doesn’t feel the way he did before. I didn’t argue much against it though I was very hurt. I told him I agree with his decision. We talked few times after that, he said he won’t change his mind even though he knows he will regret this in a few months but for now there is no way we can get back together. Then he told me he thinks it’s for the best we pretend we don’t know each other at least for a month and later who knows… maybe we can be friends one day again as he would like to.

It’s been a month now since we last heard from each other. I still have him on FB. He deleted our pictures and it seems to me like he’s trying to delete every memory of me. I am friends with his best (girl) friend, she likes me a lot but she also thinks he’s made up his mind for now and that I should accept that. As far as I know there is no other girl in the picture, he’s single unless he’s hiding something. He never asks about me, doesn’t try to contact me and as the days go by I just get this feeling he’s being more determined about his decision.

Everything was so sudden, just few days before the break up the told me he cares about me and wants to make things better and then he just breaks it off. I’m confused and so in love with him but I just don’t know how to act and what this all means. Should I give up on every hope to have him come back to me one day?

Thank you,

L.

Lily,

Based on what you wrote my personal interpretation is that him being with you opened up emotions that he wouldn’t have normally been able to do alone. So therefore, initially it feels like it was more about having you as a form of release as opposed to a relationship/marriage mentality if that makes sense. That’s not to say people wouldn’t normally try to build a relationship from there of course.

That would make sense to me in this scenario on why it feels like he was able to cut you off so fast. At this point it feels like you would have to offer him something logistically in his life where he would see the benefit in the relationship to peruse you. Otherwise at this point to me it feels like you are going to have to try convincing him too much and that isn’t good for you I’d say. If I were you I think you should move on and find someone that appreciates you for everything.

Londa Asks:

Good Morning,

In June 2012, I met a younger Pisces male 25, Im 42. Our relationship was slow to start because of the age difference. Once he convinced me of his maturity level, we hug out together. I quickly fell head over heals for him. He brought me clothes, groceries, even spent time with my son. We had some rough arguments, but we always got through it. Recently we were really tested over the Holidays. I decided to text him to wish him a Happy New Year on NYE, and we ended up going to his place. We have briefly spoken/ text since then. I really miss him and being with him is amazing. Should I take it slow and wait for him or should I be regressive and ask him what we are doing?

Londa,

This is more of a personal preference question and at the same time I don’t really know anything about the person to really understand what he may be thinking or feeling. If he is more on the reserve side then I personally think it’s better to give him a little nudge here and there to get him to open up. These are the times too I think where you saying nothing can lead to the person simply getting more distant from you. Example, ask how he is doing. Usually from there you can evaluate if he feels secure around you or not to decide which way to go.

Dani42 Asks:

I am dealing with a situation that is really weighing heavily on me. I will greatly appreciate any insight and advice. I am an almost 28 year old single mother of 1 son. I am a capricorn. In early August 2012 I met a 44 year old pisces male who I really fell hard for. We both acknowledged that our realtionship progressed really quickly but both expressed feelings of contentment and happiness. After only dating for about a month we decided to introduce each other to our sons. He brought his 14 year old to my place to watch a football game with myself and my 8 year old son. We spent typically 3-4 nights per week togther sometimes more.

He explained how he had been through a lot in the past couple years from breaking up with his ex of 3 years who had cheated on him to being diagnosed with stomach cancer. He spoke frequently about some further testing that he had to undergo in Dec 2012. This man was so wonderful and sensitive and attentive to me. He also expressed that he often got depressed and would spend 2-3 days in bed from time to time. He is a small business owner and has a few business ventures that also takes him on short 1-2 day trips frequently.

From the beginning he was kind of wishy washy. He would call last minute and cancel dates. He was impulsive at times as well. He would be happy and upbeat one minute wanting to go out and somber and lazy the next. Honestly the relationship was a roller coaster ride but I enjoyed the ride for the most part. He introduced me to his mother in october as his new girlfriend, spoke of me to his close friends and family and asked me to meet his oder children around the holidays. I invited him to meet my family on thanksgivign and he was excited.

He was really talkative and expressed how much he liked me to my mother. He eluded to us potentially being married on day. Throughout the relationship he would often disappear for a day or 2 and I wouldnt talk to him but he might text me and say he wasnt feeling well and would call me later, giving me the impression he was dealing with his depression. I also have read that pisces are elusive and need time away to regroup.

I tried to be understanding and supportive throughout these times. In early december he had an issue with his landlord/relative and suddenly moved out of his apartment. He had mentioned a couple times that he was having financial problems and that his business ventures were not doing as well as they had in the past Im not sure if financial problems is why he moved but he did not indicate that. I told him that if he wanted he could stay at my place until he found a new apartment. He expressed happiness that I had offered and accepted.

He brought a few personal belongings to my place and talked about where he would put the rest of his things. He was really busy right up to Christmas. I had given him a key to my door but had not gotten a key to the building made. In the days leading up to his disappearance he asked me several times if I had gotten around to makeing the other key. I had not. Throughtout the relationship he talked of being a positive role model for my son and said he was sure it would take some time for my son to get comfortable with him but he was sure that within the next few years they would bond. A few weeks beofre Christmas he had us take down out artificial tree that I put up every year and took uto get a live tree and new decorations.

He and my son decorated the tree together. So anyway on Dec. 23rd, he called me and said he would be back from his day trip until the follwing day. Told me he had some gift cards he had gotten from some business parnters for target and I shouldnt spend too much on grocieries because I could use those when he returned. Told me he had picked up dog food for my dog. So Christmas eve comes and I dont hear from him I call with no answer, I text with no reply. Finally about 8pm on Christmas eve he texts me and says he’s on his way back.

I dont respond. The next morning which is christmas day I call and text him and his phone is goign strsight to voicemeail. He doenst call or text me. I text him a mean text on christmas night saying he was an marker for standing me up on Christmas. Four days go by and his phone is going to voicemail eveytime I call. By this point I’m worried, so I decide to go to his mothers house to make sure he’s ok. As I’m on my way to him check on him I spot his truck parked on a major street in front of a house I dont know. I blow my horn hoping he’ll come out but he doesn’t. I leave him a really mean note on his windshield asking for my key back.

I then go to his mothers house and ask her if she’s heard from him. She states that he called her on christmas and texted her 1 day after but that was all. She advised me to text him because that’s what she does when he disappears. So I leave his mother’s house and pick up a girlfriend. She goes back to the house with me to see if he got the note. As we drive by we see him with a man standing on the porch. By the time we come back around a woman is pulling up in his truck and goes into the house. He was inside already. So my friend goes to the door and asks the woman if he’s there, she calmly says yes. My friends says he has a key and she needs it.

He then steps up and hands her the key and says ok, ok alright nervously. My friend walks back to the car, they close the door and we leave. I haven’t heard from him since and its been a little over a week. I was completely caught off guard by what happened since he appeared to be planning a relationship with me and moving his things into my place.

He was a very very emotional guy. He even cried a couple times stating that he would be devastated if something happened to him and he wasn’t there for me. Said he had been hurt in the past and that he was afraid to be hurt again. I actually saw tears roll down his face a few times when he spoke of how good he felt about our relationship. I am so confused. A couple days after this all happened I texted him and said I forgive him and wish him the best in the upcoming year. I told him I would hold onto his things for a few weeks if he would like to pick them up.

He never replied. Afew weeks before this all happened he told me he was going to change his number becasue he was getting some strange calls. He never did until a couple days after I sent the last text I called to see if his phone was still going to voicemail and it was disconnected. It’s really hard for me to understand what happened and why he did what he did. I am really really wondering if he’ll ever call and apologize or even call and say he wants his things. He only had a few outfits, a few undergarments and some perrsonal items. Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!! Im really having a hard time dealing with this sudden unexpected breakup

Dani42,

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t read this as a guy having a depression issue as opposed to a disorganized lifestyle. Essentially, based on what I read it sounds like there are a lot of things he is not doing very well on in life such as financially where he is used to having others help him clean up the mess, so to speak. Like in your case allowing him to move in with you. That may explain the constant disappearance for example. Kind of like a kid getting in trouble with the parents always being there to get them out.

I’m not exactly sure what you want to hear from me in this situation. But with my limited knowledge of the situation it sounds like he was in some ways taking advantage of your generosity. My only real suggestion if you wish to do so is to try and check up a little more on his background to see if there are any discrepancies in what he says. For example, the girl that cheated on him, if these “businesses” that he runs are actually as he describes, etc. This should help you on some closure on whether or not he was simply making up various details in his life to get what he wanted out of you or if he is truly just an emotional wreck.

My personal view at the moment is that you were looking more for companionship and he was looking more for lifestyle convenience.

Victoria Asks:

Plzz, help me, plzz.

About me:I am a Scorpio woman. I am an attractive girl (maybe 9.5). I have a stable career. I have my life together.

Him: He is cute, weird,artistic. He has a lot of going on in his life..his career is pretty bad, for his age he is not on his feet..and he is also an artist with hundreds of projects.

We started dating the regular way, he was all over me(still is):holding hands in public, in front of his friends.I met his family on his event. He was so eager to show me to everyone. He would even talk about the relationship and etc. It did look unusual since the beginning because he would not text everyday or ask me out on events he was going to with friends. Together we just cannot stop hugging each other, its like he adores me to death.

Once he was sad and told me his ex got engaged just after 5 months they broke up and he was emotionally hurt and didn’t know why.( they even lived together for over a year) Anyway, we started getting close and he told me he is not ready for anything serious because he got hurt before BADLY. It seems like he is not over his ex. But even then we were getting to the point when we would see each other more and more then he got very distanced, said he is too close to love me(ya, like in that song) and he is not ready emotionally to suffer.

That he will start to see other people because he feels out of control with his feelings and his life has too much going on for the emotional relationship. And one morning he texts me that he hooked up with someone else. We were not exclusive I get it..but the way he texted it..I was PISSED.. I know he did it to push me away or make me to push him away. I told him I dont want to see him, and I am emotionally attached to him because unlike him I am a woman and dont have my walls up like he does. I was just crashed, I could not function. He felt guilty.. asked to see him. I had to start the talk he was AVOIDING it like crazy.. had another fight..

Got together again. Its like an addiction, I cannot stop seeing him. Again we are like 2 cats in the Spring, holding hands, sharing everything about each others, hugging non-stop, he tells me EVERYTHING. I made it clear that I am attached to him and that I don’t like how things are..yet I do keep going alone with it. I am outspoken about my jealousy after that text. He keeps saying he is not ready, that if we were together people would start telling me stuff about him and I would leave..bla bla. Anyways, we act JUST like a couple..without a title. He basically kisses the ground I walk on..I don’t GET his fears..is he using me?Is there a chance for him to change his mind? What should I do?Leave?

Thank you for your time!

Victoria,

From the sounds of it this seems like situation where you think you can change him and in some ways it’s like a challenge for you. A stereotypical example is a girl being with a “bad boy” and then thinking they can mold them into Mr. marriage material.

I personally interpret the action of him pursuing another girl and then telling you about it not so much as a method to push you away but rather a way to get attention while seeing how much you are willing to compromise for him. Basically, like in that case if you leave him then to him it’s fine. But if he sees you still coming back to him then it’s like well why not keep doing it? The fact that you say you tell him about your jealousy and he kind of shrugs it off by saying he is not ready to be committed to you should demonstrate a huge difference in values too.

In my opinion, you just need to be firm in terms of what you want in a relationship. If he insists in continuing with his ways then it is time to move on I think.

Rebecca Asks:

Hello Alan, I have read through most of the questions and you replies, and you seem to be able to give a lot of good advice, so please please could you help me.

This is a shortened version but I met a pisces man (mid thirties) I’m cancer (late twenties) and from the moment we met it was great. Felt very comfortable with each other ect. He was overly keen from our first date onwards and would say things like “you’re my ideal woman, I have a good one here, you’re out of my league, your stunning ect ect” and I in more of a descreet way told him I thought he was handsome too.

Anyway everything was great, chemistry was there, eye contact amazing considering I can’t usually do it at all! We became intamate and both said we have never experienced anything like it before. Just whoa!

So after roughly 6 weeks of amazing-ness, he hears from his ex (which ended only 8 months before me) saying she wanted stuff from the house. Once they sorted al that he found out she cheated and was struggling with the pain, he was also dealing with family and money issues so was very depressed. He text one day saying “I can’t do this anymore, your in a much better place then me, I know this will be detrimental to me as you’re my ideal woman, but what can I do” trust me I don’t want to stop seeing you but I don’t want to hurt you and I’m just not ready” I said I cared for him and I’m here to talk any time but I respect his decision. Since then we talk via text or phone an even met up to give me something I left at his. He wanted to take me for dinner and again said “he didn’t want to finish with me” and “when I’m ready it you I want but I know I can’t expect you to wait” to which I replied, I would love to wait but it would hurt me too much as he said it could be 2 months 6 months, he just doesn’t know. So my question is…should I leave him be until he feels he is ready or should I persue him as I know he has feelings for me. Not persue in a desperate way but I know pisces need to know they are cared for ect. Any advice would be great and sorry it was so long :-/

Rebecca,

I personally think in situations like this you need to pursue the person in terms of initiating contact and support. Thinking if this was me and everything between us was genuine, this is essentially a pride issue where I know I need some help but at the same time I don’t want to look like failure in-front of people type of deal.

My main thought in terms of strategy is the relating factor. For example, relate to him some of your struggles that are similar. At the same time, maybe there is something in life at the moment that you need assistance in where he would be an ideal person to help you with as well. It is a delicate situation because as you mentioned you don’t want to look pushy/desperate.

Holly Asks:

Hi Alan!

I am a Virgo, and I am interested in a Pisces man. He has a lot of friends that are girls, and I am okay with that. Is there a way to tell if he likes me as ‘more than a friend’ or if I am just ‘one of the girls’? He is really friendly to everyone – gives his contact info, fb, etc. out to everyone.

How do I know if he likes me as a romantic interest or just a friend?

Thank you!

Holly

Holly,

That is kind of a broad question and I don’t really have any details about how this person acts/reacts to various scenarios. Generally speaking though, I would say for a person like myself the best way to differentiate actions of “friendship” versus a pursuit of a “relationship” is if the person appears to be pro-active in trying to learn about your goals, aspiration and lifestyle.

As an example, I could have thousands of Facebook friends where I could generically ask who wants to do a certain activity. However, for the one I see some potential I may ask things such as have you enjoyed that hobby for a long time and then try to quiz you a little on it to verify that you are genuine. Again, that is a pretty general statement. However, as usual it boils down to the person showing active interest in asking you questions in an effort to see if you are a good fit for him. If they invite you afterwards too to an event as a way to verify your “knowledge” or genuine passion for the topic then that is a great sign of interest too.

Alright, one quick round of answering e-mails before 2013 hits. Happy New Year Everyone.

BrokenHearted Asks:

Hi. I need your advice. I’ve been dating a Pisces man for a little over 5 months now and we’ve become best friends. Everything was so effortless so we moved REALLY fast. He brought up looking at a place and brought up the topic of moving in together a couple of times and I went with it. He also talked about marriage and kids with me. All of a sudden he gets scared and steps back. Keep in mind, I NEVER brought up any of this. I just went with it. Later he needs some space to figure things out (if he wants or is ready for this or not). He told me he wasn’t ready for how quickly he let me in and he wasn’t ready for me to be ready to move in with him, even though he brought it up. I don’t understand. He keeps acting like he wants to be with me (forever) and then he fights it.

Now his ex is in the picture… They dated for less than 2 months and she left him with no explanation 7 months ago but they had gotten very close when they were dating… He saw her recently (he was in the hospital and she visited him…) and became even more confused because it turns out he still has feelings for her. Because she left him with no explanation, that door was never closed… He was hurt by her. Now he wants space to decide where she fits in. This just complicated things so much more. He’s obviously attracted to her and he has been flirting with her the last few days… I feel like I shouldn’t even be asking but should I just give him some space to figure things out? Isn’t it likely that he’ll just end up dating her or becoming physical/intimate with her while I’m giving him space?

BrokenHearted,

Based on what you wrote to me it feels like he is trying to determine how much flexibility he has with you in terms of how much more in life he can get while still having you as well. Let’s think of it like where he knows that a sports team wants him no matter what and will pay him whatever he asks. As well, the team of course simply says yes all the way. It’s natural I feel in that case for the person to wonder is there something more they can get regardless like in this case if he says he wants to be with the same team forever.

Essentially, at this point he doesn’t really have a fear of loss when it comes to you for example I think. This is a tricky situation as if you purposely go with the route such as giving a time limit he could just as easily say “okay fine then, bye” in an act of pride and rebelliousness. Assuming this is true, I would say the key is finding out what exactly is he insecure about. Just trying to put myself in that situation there has to be something that I feel I am compromising, so to speak, in being with you that makes me not want to jump into it. I personally don’t feel giving space is the answer here as I know for myself I would want the person to try and find out while understanding what my concerns are. Of course you have to do it in a non aggressive way too. Open him up as he is asking for it I say.

Julie Asks:

Hello,

I’m glad I stumbled onto your site. I’m hoping you can give me some clarity regarding my situation. I met my Pisces in March and we hit it off since day 1. Our relationship moved pretty quickly, our connection and chemistry was amazing. In July we eloped and just 3 weeks ago he decided our marriage is a mistake and wants nothing to do with me. He blames our marriage failure on my ex-husband. He continually tells me that I act like I’m still married to him. However, I have no idea how or why he even feels that way. My ex-husband is very difficult and would constantly say mean things to me and my now current husband. I kept my contact with him to a minimal because we do have children together. My current husband claims that I like to go “hangout” with my ex when picking up my children from his home. First of all, this is untrue. Secondly, he needs to understand that my ex will always be in the picture, we have children together. Lastly, I do not “hangout” with my ex. On the contrary, my current husband’s best friend is a female and he goes over her house and sleeps over at times. So I’m not sure why being at my ex-husband’s house for 5 minutes is so upsetting to him.

The whole female bff thing is a whole other issue. She’s engaged and lives with her fiance. They all get along great and think I’m crazy because I’m the only one who feels disrespected for feeling uncomfortable with the sleepovers. I’ve never even met them yet and when I told my husband to introduce me, he says he will but gets angry and claims that I do not want to meet them and hate his friends(which is totally not true).

In any case, last month we got into a big argument and he tells me that our marriage is over. He said he can no longer deal with my ex husband and that I have not done enough to keep him away. Yet not even 24hours after our argument he ran off to try to hook up with his ex-lover. This is the 2nd time he’s fun off to another woman and attempted an affair. He excuses himself and says that I drove him to want to be with those other women but what he doesn’t understand is that two wrongs don’t make a right. I don’t run off to other men when I get upset with him. He can’t continue to blame his bad behavior or action on me.

In any case, just the other day he told me that he wants me to return our wedding rings to the store. He admitted to knowing he’s making a mistake by letting me go. He told me he knows he should be facing our problems head on & together but walking away is the only way he knows how to deal with his problems. He flips on me from day to day.. one day he’s nice and approachable, then the next he’s angry. Often times he drowns his sorrow by drinking and then messages me angry things. He likes to use alcohol as another excuse of his running to other women as well.

I’ve suggested he see a counselor regarding his childhood emotional scars and a marriage counselor would be great as well. He doesn’t want to see any type of counselor and wants nothing to do with me. I’m willing to work on our marriage and help him in any way I can but he needs to want to help himself first. I’m not sure what to make out of all this.. should I totally walk away from the marriage and leave him alone or??? I’m so confused.

Julie,

Before I give my thoughts, in general in these types of situations this is a personal preference in terms of how much one feels they should be supporting the other as everyone has their own tolerance limits.

Based on what you wrote, without knowing the specific details in his life it makes perfect sense to me why he blows up or blames your ex for all of the current difficulties. In my view, it feels like there is some part of his life that he is very insecure about such as having sacrificed a lot for others and not getting the same in return he feels. Essentially, I think he has a specific view in terms of how things should play out based on his ideal view of things. For example, give a charity $1000 and the fantasy is karma will return the good deed. However, in his case he views it as life has just continued to throw mud at him. Now for myself I personally don’t try to hide these disappointments with things with the use of like alcohol, but as you can tell many people like himself do.

Now let’s take the scenario you have given me with your ex husband. My assumption is he entered into the relationship assuming he would be like your protector and because you expressed say your dislike for your ex in his idealistic view that means you should treat him like the plague. Example, you may have kids with him and need to see him but he feels other than that you shouldn’t even give him a smile. Or if your ex mouths off to him then in your view you would like throw a rock a your ex. I’m exaggerating of course, but hopefully you get the point.

As a result of his idealistic view in terms of how things must go, by not doing it the way he thinks it should be done it is making him extremely insecure as to his place in your life. At the same time, it may simply be reminding him of the bad things in his past. Example, imagine a childhood where you got scammed. Therefore, you associate certain things as warning signs and have learned to dealt with it a specific way. Then imagine you have a friend that looks like they are being scammed too but they don’t agree with your method where in your mind you are 100% positive they are going to get scammed. It’s frustrating right? You will probably start to question things like “Am I truly your friend if you don’t trust me?”

Sleeping over at his BFF to me in this scenario shows me that he envies something in that relationship that he wishes he had with you. At the same time, accusing you of not wanting to get to know his friends is more of a way to say he thinks you will reject the things he cares or is passionate about in life. Example, a guy who is a geek who feels it is socially embarrassing to admit they have geeky hobbies and so instead of facing the possible chance of rejection they just label you as “just like everyone else.”

Bottom line, he needs help I say to kind of dive into his way of thinking and suggesting different ways of handling things in life. Do you want to be the one to do that? It is up to you as again that is a personal preference.

Simone Asks:

Dear Alan, Thank you in advance if you have any thoughts on my own pisces man saga.

I am 39, a Scorpio female, fairly easy-on-the-eyes..No problem attracting men, some solid dating experience, and pretty confidant.

I met my pisces through an online dating site. I was new in town, and after the urging of my co-workers began testing the online dating waters. I was not amused- but was told I was going about it wrong and not let men come to me..To spend hour sorting profiles, contact the men instead, one at a time so you don’t get too overwhelmed or in danger. I did just that and found the man I have been dating for 6 months.

Initially when I first saw his picture, I had a very good feeling. Very unusual for me as I am pretty fussy about who I find appealing or interesting. We hit it off right away through email, though he is 9 years younger and worlds different then I am. It took awhile to meet up. I flaked on him due to having too much going on in my real dating word, not online. I could not quit thinking about how I wanted to meet him though and contacted him again, finally met up, and started an actual courtship so to say.

The first three months were very trying. It took me about that long to realize I had to pursue him. Days would go by, I would not here from him, he would only occasionally initiate plans or call to say hi. Finally, I would break down and call him and he would drop everything to see me for days on end and was really wonderful. I would subtly ask for clues as to why he does not go after me-could he be not that into me? Someone else? etc…He told me he just has not had many women in his life romantically and he is self conscious. He drove me bonkers at times but slowly he began to assimilate me in his life, though I had to be a little aggressive and bossy. Not my style. He has many friends/work/ and family obligations. I knew all that going in and knew it would be hard but felt he was worth it. Eventually he took the hint to start being more communicative and so on..He would do great for a week then revert back to how he was. I know the Pisces process, I know it is hard for them to plan things and how they get carried away easily. He surprised me and told me he loved me several times while intoxicated a couple of months into it. Finally, after a few months I confided I may be falling for him. He coughed as an answer and was not sure about me for a while. I let that go and eventually, we decided mutually we were in love.

He is nearly impotent. It took him three months to have sex with me. He claimed at first he liked to take things slow and I respected that. I urged him to please see a Dr, when I found out, though it is yet to happen. He also has a drinking problem he wants to control, is a workaholic, and let’s just say has issues.

He is an insatiable partier and has blown me off a few times to hang with his friends. Sometimes he invites me along if I am conveniently around. He is always fiercely apologetic and remorseful when I say he is hurting me but it happens over and over again.

Now, Christmas went by..The week before he texted me that he has the whole weekend free and wants to get together. I said great I’ll call you tomorrow.I did and got a ters reply that he has bad reception, is sorry, at his mother’s and will head out in an hour. I never heard from him since. His brothers are in town and I knew i would be likely ignored, though he insisted he wanted me involved. Christmas came and went, no contact…He is fine as I see pics on Facebook parting with his friends he is tagged in.

So, I know there is A LOT already riding against this relationship. We are just such an excellent match and truly happy together when we are actually together. I have had enough relationships in my past to know when something is real…This is it. I feel like I can help him see through his issues and visa-versa…I am no walk in the park either.

We have an amazing psychic bond and potential for something great. He needs a good woman in his life to put him on a more fulfilling path. I dont express this to him but I know he can feel it. He is scared I am sure…How can I get him to quit being such a baby about it and fess up to reality without being harsh and controlling? I detest fighting and drama and avoid it at all costs. I am also open to breaking up at this point, I am so livid..but pity the next girl and wish I can get through to him. Just so he can improve his manners and relationship experience if anything.

Thank you for reading this rant!

Happy New Year!!

Simone

Simone,

Based on what you wrote I’m willing to bet that at this point he simply doesn’t have much self confidence or outlook that a women will ever want to be with him forever. Therefore, with like yourself it’s kind of like that “Okay, she is going to be gone eventually anyways as no one wants me forever and that there is a better guy down the road.” The straight forward answer in terms of how to get him to open up is to make him feel special and that what he offers in like a relationship is integral to you.

To me too that explains the excessive drinking and partying too as he doesn’t really have anything else to feel he is like a big part of something aside from like waking up and going to work. That fits in with why he would blow you off for his friends too at times. If you feel you are the women for him then again it’s a matter of instilling the confidence in him that you are going o be there forever and that you need him as much as he needs you.

Leonine-Aries Asks:

Hi Alan,

Love your site!

Here goes my question, and thanks for doing this

Met an amazing pisces man over the summer online, and quickly started texting and making plans to do things together. It’s obvious to both of us (and we have said so in the past) that we seem to be on the same wavelength even though personality-wise we are quite different.

I think my big mistake is that, while things were going well, I pressured him to deciding if we were classified as dating; to which he replied that it takes him a long long time to decide such things (especially because he has a child to consider), and though he thinks we are suited as friends, he’s open-minded.

We get along famously well, and he has admitted to feeling like he can be himself with me. He does things for me no man has ever done (and Imnot talking about the physical; I mean, in gestures, in actions, ongoing above and beyond).

He disappeared out of our usual rhythm for a bit, busy with work and his child, which I completely understood, though the odd reply of a text would have been nice. But when I reached out to ask if I had offended him in any way to let me know, otherwise it’s kind of difficult to be friends when one disappears. He finally replied to that, to let me in on all of the pressures he was facing, and to mention that he still thinks we are better as friends.

So I get that.

But lately, he is going above and beyond for me, even meeting my family and extended family over the holidays, playing with the bracelet I wear as we sit, sharing food plates, and later feeding me a bit of his dessert.

We are still platonic; but I sometimes wonder: is this just normal of a pisces man to be to his female friends, or at some level is he interested beyond such?

Aside: he knows I do want to have kids down the road; he is open but leans to no; not sure if that’s anything of value.

Thanks Alan!

Leonine-Aries,

In my view that is not “normal” for a person to be that close with someone if they strictly see it as “just friends” with the way you are describing it. To me it really does sound like he is just trying to get to know you in the most indirect and non invasive way as possible. Speaking for myself as an example of a person who has a more passive and reserved personality, there is no way I would even dare to get close to you like that if I didn’t see there was something potentially more.

Like for myself, while I try to treat everyone as nice as possible and offer as much of my energy as I can doing those gestures like you say of playing with your bracelet when you sit with each other is in many ways like flirting. Essentially one is giving out actions to see what the reaction is to determine where to go next.

It could very well be the child issue is a mix up in his head at the moment. Example, he already has a kid and wants no more yet you do want kids. So the conflict of having a lovely person where everything seems so good but certain life goals are different. So therefore, slowly diving more into you and your life is a way for him to evaluate is it worth it to be with you and have kids even though his desire is to not have kids anymore.

All in all, sounds like just a slow process so that you both can decide what is best for the both of you I say.

Katie Asks:

Hi Alan!

I’m so glad I found your site, and I really hope you can answer me and help see a bit clearer, cause I met a Pisces guy and I’m “dancing around” with him for over two months now.

He works at my workplace 3 times a week at night. I work evening shift so our shifts overlap one hour. He is really handsome (all the girls check him out) and he has a worked out body, so my terrible prejudgement made me overlook him for some weeks.

Then one time he came to my desk and started talking to me. We just talked about general stuff first, but pretty fast I realized telling him a lot of deeper details about myself.

Then gradually I saw that he is spending more and more time with me, until he started to basically from his moment of arrival coming to me and not moving from my side till I finish and leave work.

Meanwhile, we got so much into talking that I started to stay around after work some hours. He started to become more and more informal with me like hitting me playfully and throwing paperballs and stuff like that.

Then one night after I stayed there for some hours, he offered me to give me a lift home (I live like 40 mins walk from work and I always go by walk). Then gradually whenever I stayed there to talk, when I wanted to leave, he never ever allowed me anymore to walk or take a cab.

Then things started to speed up a bit in the last 3-4 weeks and in certain situations (when I wanna go home or I have to go and talk to some other male workmate) he started to playfully ask questions like: “Don’t you love me anymore? Are you abandoning me?”

And he started to call me nicknames like “little” or “darling”.

At this point still no physical touch really, exept of hitting me playfully, but that felt like he could not pass by next to me without touching me this way…

I have a raging ex, who unfortunately works at the same company (luckily not at the same workplace) and he is making my life a living hell about this guy (cause he still wants to get back with me).

And the guy went so far to tell me, if my ex ever touches me, he will have to deal with him.

He is really protective of me and all the time attentive (everything should be how it is best for me).

Then last week we were sitting on the sofa afterhours side by side and I was showing him photos on the phone. He started to mess around with my hair and then he pulled it until my head rested on his chest and then he started to caress my head…

Next day I’ve seen him, he was again touching my face when I grabbed his hand and hold onto it for a while. When I let it away (cause I don’t want him to get in trouble while he is working), he grabbed after mine and he held it and started to caress my arm.

Yesterday (the last time I met him) while we were talking my hand ended up in his again. Then we were sitting in the silence for half an hour without one word while I was holding his hand and caressing his back.

Then in the morning he brought me home and we were talking about it that for 4 days we don’t see each other again and he told me: “I am really worried about you for what your ex is doing to you. And please take very good care of yourself.”

And I was out of the car already, but I could not take it and I went back in and embraced him and he was holding me and only told: “Look at my girl!”. I gave a kiss on his neck and we said goodbye.

I know it sounds so stupid for me to write in so many details, but I feel I need to cause I am lost.

I feel like I am in a totally skizo state, cause we behave like “friends”, he does not ask me out (though he mentioned more times that since we do season work, when it is season, he only works and sleeps, can’t even meet friends and rarely family).

BUT: he brings me home every time and he takes care of me and worries about me. He is on the line of neglecting his job (which he always took so serious) because of spending time with me. He tells these things and he holds my hand and we sit in the silence and they feel so intimate moments… I feel that there is this big attraction, “pull” between us, but somehow neither of us can’t step it over…

So my question is: What on earth is going on? I mean in my sane mind… I do not behave like that with a person I want as a friend… and I feel with my behavior, he has to know that I like him (and not only as a friend). I feel how he treats me, what he does for me and HOW HE LOOKS AT ME that he has to like me. Why is he not making an obvious move?

I really hope you can give me some insight and if there is anything I do wrong or I should be doing, please tell me.

I really really have feelings for this guy, he is amazing, he bears a lot of value for me.

Thank you very much in advance.

Kind Regards, Katie

Katie,

I guess one thing I am not entirely clear about is what exactly does your “raging ex” do when they see each other for him to say things like if he touches you he will do something about it.

Generally speaking though, in that scenario even I wouldn’t make the “obvious move.” Now bear in mind everyone is a little different, but speaking as a person who is usually more on the quiet and reserved side I don’t want to feel like I am the one that is causing conflict for you if that makes sense. Take this raging as example. For me I would have to see something extreme like the guy said of your ex touching you before jumping in whereas someone with a more aggressive personality would probably throw his body into him right away for some spartan. Likewise, that personality is more likely to just ask you directly and all to see how it goes.

I suppose the main thing is communication in regards to what he is in your view or what do you want him to be and most importantly are you truly done with your ex and if so will he have to deal with him and in what capacity? I’m over exaggerating here, but if the ex was crazy to the point where you got a restraining order and told the guy this I betcha that will make it a lot more comforting for him to start engaging more seriously with you. This has nothing to do with who is physically stronger for example. It’s the conflict and whether or not he adds to it.

With the way he is treating you too with what you wrote it’s like one of those he really thinks you are special. But is he right for you to help you in various avenues of life that is bothering you? That is what I get personally when I read the line of “I am really worried about you for what your ex is doing to you. And please take very good care of yourself.” Basically, he doesn’t know what his boundary should be because of things like that. In that sense, it is up to you to communicate things like that with him I think.

Rachel Asks:

I am a Pisces female and in love with a Pisces male. We started off just hanging out, awe stricken by all of our similarities and interests. We became best friends and began having (the best) sex. Everything was perfect for months, I liked him a lot but had recently had a bad breakup with an Aquarius and wasn’t sure I was ready for a new relationship.

My Pisces seemed like he was on the same page since he walked in on his previous gf in bed with another guy. So we stayed in a sort of friends with benefits relationship and would frequently make sure that neither of us was sleeping or seeing anyone else. He began to ask me how he can get through to me, and like a typical Pisces, I would shrug and laugh and say I don’t know. A few months later, we had a (drunken) talk where I confessed everything I loved about him. His eyes twinkled but he said he wasn’t looking for anything right now.

We were at a party and I was pissed off so I did what any girl would do- I flirted with other guys in front of him and even shared my new years kiss with someone I just met that night. This definitely caught my Pisces attention and he rushed to win me back. The next day, I found out he had just started dating a Scorpio girl. I was heartbroken and thought I would never forget him and shut him off from my life. The first time I saw him after that with mutual friends, I acted like he wasn’t even there. Ironically, I began seeing a Scorpio too but still loved my Pisces and knew he was the only one for me- my other fishy half!

Over the next few months, we acted more normally with our mutual friends and he even started flirting in the way that was only evident to us. I waited and waited for when he’d come back to me and my Scorpio relationship fell apart. About 3 weeks later, I heard from my Pisces and he wanted to hang out. I was on my way to a date but I took my own advice I am always giving and followed my heart. He and his Scorpio also broke up although I didn’t press for questions there. He was interrogating me of who I was sleeping with, how long it’s been and if it was good. And he was sensing and picking up on things I hadn’t ever told him.

We began hooking up again but I have a wall up. Im afraid to let him totally in and he’s noticing it saying I’m silent as a bone and giving him short answers. I’m trying to open up again but I’m so afraid of him hurting me. I’ve read that Pisces men coming and going just means he is only interested in emotional needs, not actually me or the relationship. So my question is, is this meant to be or doomed from the start?

Rachel,

Maybe I am a little bias, but to me it seems like you both may be a little confused as to what exactly you want out of a partner first and foremost. Example, does it make sense where if you want the person to be committed to you that a “friends with benefit” mentality promotes that? It takes two to tango there. From my perspective, essentially that is a relationship where you want to get something from the other without any commitment. It’s almost like constantly giving a person money and saying that’s okay as you are just making them happy then getting upset when that same person is not there in times of need. Those actions are fostering that kind of relationship.

In my opinion, you need to be crystal clear first and foremost at what you want and then not abiding to practices that would promote all the stuff that you don’t want in a person. In my opinion for example, you don’t want to get hurt if he is openly dating other women. So the first step should be clarifying with him exactly what kind of relationship you want this to be. If he disagrees and wants it to be open whereas you don’t for example then I am inclined to say it’s not the right match.

Levonne Asks:

Hi, I would greatly appreciate a pisces man’s perspective. I’m wondering if Im wasting my time. I met a pisces guy 6 yrs ago. He had a crush on me and I was older than him. So we both went about our lives for 6 yrs….he became a man and traveled to several countries for 3 yrs, college, etc…i likewise had my heart broken , traveled and I feel have made it to a place that I know myself quite well. WE ran into each other in Dec and he was a man ( so I thought). Asked for my number that night, well better yet, just handed me his phone and told me to put my number in it. haha.

I am Jan 21 Aquarius female. My moon is Scorpio, my mars, Aquarius and my venus is Sagitarrius. he is march 12 with a Libra Moon, aquarius mars, aquarius venus. We really talked nonstop. we were just friends a while which tends to be the Aquarius way. it seems everytime I would leave for a trip , he would up his interest level for example showed up and surprised me when i returned from Thailand the night I got home, then when I went to FL for a concert, he called and asked if I was receptive to being more than friends. I realize it’s when he thinks he can lose me he would man up and be more aggressive. I never made any moves except to be present and I would say sometimes.

I want to see you sometime this week. I wouldn’t ask, then he would just show up. Having dated a Gemini for a couple years…I was already easy going at the whole being late, not making concrete plans being the one with the ideas. Our first physical experience happened when he was going to a music school and a band tour….he just assumed I wouldnt’ support him. he thought I would be negative and bring him down.

Which I’m the kind of female I wouldnt’ be attracted to him if he turned down the tour and wasn’t pursuing his dreams. I am also the type to encourage such endeavors and willing to help finance it. Well I txt him telling him that he’s negative that he would just assume I would think the worst and that i feel insulted he would place me in that catergory of female when I have never once been negative about anything to do with him. he waited till the next day and txt me, that this is why he stays alone, he’s bad with relationships, i guess this is goodbye.

WEll I replied if goodbye is what he wants well fine, but to tell me to my face like a man, then I said, come as you are dowsed in bleach soaked in mud, and I swear I dont have a gun ( song lyrics) and he was at my house in 2 hrs and we attacked each other ( passionately, hahah) first time. he had been abused at 3 yrs by two men in a laundry mat. SO he has issues, but I’m a patient empathetic woman and I’m okay with being patient and working through things.

Then a couple weeks later he goes to school out of state…and he just acts up and does the typical pisces disappearing act, lashed out via technology….im a prick , etc etc, find someone else kind of thing, I immediately think he wants me to say no you’re not, but i say, do you want me to say I need you or something? I thought he wanted validation. However I dont need him, I want him, it’s different. I feel its much better to be wanted than needed. But anyhow ever since then he’s went silent.

When he came home I went and tried to apologize, he yelled at me. I’m 33 and first time Ive ever been yelled at by a guy Ive dated. I didnt’ lose my cool, simply apologized asked for nothing and when I left I txt, that if he’d stood up to me ike that 5 weeks earlier like a man with a backbone I would have been walking his tune all along, typical shocking aquarius…but I want him to see its okay to speak his mind and not to let people push him around, even me. I told him I admired him even though I didnt’ like what he said, because he said he’s disgusted with me and I bring out the worst in him, hahaha, which isn’t true, but is what he said. And of course it hurt.

Then the games began. I’m talking riddles, and I could answer them in no time flat. he would put them on facebook and other people i know would see and knew they were odd. The answer would always be something to do with a memory between us. He would make up crazy stories to fit them in like they really happened …and his friends would take them literal. SO sad to me that they dont’ really know him. Which he thinks I can read his mind, which he loved in the beginning but I think is too much exposure now, haha. I actually tried communicating without speaking. I baked a cake, had a friend deliver to his house. I drew a card and made funny jokes and made a brochure of myself, cue cards, ….and no responses.

So then I just went silent, too. I went to Honduras ..I’m gone 6 days he released a song with my name in it. Not just any song, a screaming song that would put slipknot to shame. I laughed and laughed and then I cried a week later, becuase it hurt my feelings thinking, wow, this is what I inspire, this screaming?! But honestly now a few months later, I laugh everytime i imagine him even singing it, hahahahaha. Then he came out of hiding and started coming into town where he knows I go. Even said a couple mean things where a friend could hear and tell me. I feel he wanted me to get mad and contact him.

But I remained quiet. I even walked in one night where he was at and even though he was with all the boys I hang out with regularly since he was hiding, I turned and walked out without a word. I plainly told him i would not approach or reach for him first again without him reaching for me first. He told me I intimidate and overwhelm him so goodness, perhaps my looks alone could overwhelm. I find it really apalling that people treat him so fragile like when I know he’s a grown man. he’s stronger than he’s behaving. But I would walk away . Trying to give him that space and respect. Even though he’s never spoken to me about our relationship and the fact we were physical i feel highly disrespected like I was just some girl to do him a favor ….which isnt’ true, but still its’ how I feel. So then I go to Columbia to travel a month.

While I’m gone, he prepares some things. This is what I’m unsure of now. What he’s up to. So, he goes to a weekend helping his ex move to TX. Which is a long drive from the east coast. he made sure to tag her in it and thus my best friend saw what he was doing. When normally he’s very secretive, which means he wants me to know. I’m not jealous type, so all it did was make me think he’s either trying to make me jealous and use his ex for it, which is mean…or both. Well then I go to work my first day back from Columbia, and he got a job exactly where I met him 6 yrs earlier….which is a place I walk past about 5 days a week.

So if he’s so scared of me why put himself in my path. If he’s so disgusted with me. Then also when we were seeing each other I would go to this open mic night weekly. he never went with me when we were seeing each other. he’d be at home ….I would go with my other friends or alone. Then the week before I get home he goes and performs at it. and has come both weeks since Ive been back . We both just act like each other isnt’ even there. he also released another album the week i got home that says things in it, like God here she comes again, she likes the scent of my skin and where we met, and also , she wont’ let it go, she wont’ let me go, …..and it says, i know im the one to blame….its like everything contradicts itself. I ran into him out on Saturday night a week or so ago and he actually said, Hi, and touched my arm and I just said, hey and kept going .

I can’t even look in his eyes. He’s rejected me so sorely that I’m h urt and then that mean song. He wrote one that was beautiful, that started out you dont’ speak no but your notions implied, and saying his head’s against the wall he doesn’t know what to decide and she knew me against any sky and sea….that sort of thing, but then a mean song later.

Ive stayed silent on all the songs, and games, etc. I’m not lashing out. I have honor and integrity. I’m not gonna lower my standard of behavior. Well, then I took cookies to his friends where they all work , and I told them to share with him…and he actually came over and mouthed and said, thank you….and I mouthed youre welcome and let it go…..but I can’t tell if this is the typical pisces trying to work his way back into your life and actually does care about me.

Or if it’s just he’s a mean person and I should just start dating other men. It’s been 6 months. Ive been loyal, feeling he’s going through transitions and the fact of his past abuse and that we obviously have different ways of dealing with emotions…..but I dont’ want to be wasting my time ….being a pisces man < I thought you may be able to tell if he's humbled and over his mad and weirdness and is just not sure how to talk to me. I'm also not sure if I'm doing the right thing by being around now, or if I should just stop going to open mic and avoid where Ive went for 12 yrs now and he knows that.....in the perfect world he would show up and tell me he missed me and he's sorry ....I already did the grand gesture and apology. What is your opinion of this situation?

Levonne,

While reading through this it felt like you were crushing the guy in terms of age and wisdom and he has no idea what to do. Therefore, he lashes out in some pretty blunt ways like the song. Basically, it’s like he didn’t really have much self confidence as it is and so this just makes him feel even smaller. Now this is the part for the debate too as you mentioned here you find it appalling that people think he is so fragile when he is a man.

To me, age has nothing to do with it so much as life experience does. For example, I can show you some “mature” 18 year olds and some “immature” 30 year olds. If what you wrote is true, then he may be a “grown man” in the technical sense but he still seems to be very immature when it comes to controlling his emotions. With that said, based on what you wrote I think it is more about guidance he needs where he feels you are a person that can give that but your style is not accustomed to dealing with it in a way that clicks with him.

There is no right or wrong here as if you feel the person you are with should already be mature and that you don’t want to have to babysit them then this simply isn’t a match. To me, it feels like he has a lot to learn still in life. He needs those moments that make him think differently about his actions and the way he approaches things. Just based on what I read here, I don’t feel he is trying to be malicious towards you. Again, it’s more about not knowing what to do or getting the support that he specifically needs to get it through his head. So he does the things that kids would do as an example.

To me that makes sense too like you asking why does he put you in his path if he is so scared of you. Your confidence level and experience is darn intimidating compared to him which he feels he needs but doesn’t know how to ask for help without feeling even smaller. I think this will take a lot of work and compromise and that is your prerogative on whether or not it is worth it as one could argue instead he is better suited with someone who is on a similar level and likewise for you.

Genesis Wrote:

Hi Alan,

Just found your site and would love to get some feedback about the Pisces man in my life (I am a Cancer). We have known eachother for about 6 years as work acquaintances. We never interacted with eachother at work besides the occassional brief conversation in the halls. About a year ago he started chatting me up on fb then shortly after that we exchanged cell #’s and texted every once in awhile. It was never flirty just conversation.

A few months ago we were texting and as we talked about our lack of sex lives we decided to become fwb’s. The first time was awkward but it got so much better, amazing really!! After the first time, he began texting me every morning and we would text all day and have ever since and he initiates all of our conversations. Here is where the complication and my confusion comes in. A few years ago he had a baby with a woman we work with (it was an accident). He does not care for this woman, never has and infact, dislikes her greatly because she is crazy but he has a daughter with her. He has been very open with me and shared their history and how he feels about her today as well as many other things about his past.

The problem is that for some reason he feels like he is supposed to be with her and every couple of weeks he will tell me he needs to take a break from our play time but will come back around in a day or two especially if he sees me talking to another man or knows I went out over the weekend. He has asked me on several occassions if I got lucky and would play it off like he was joking. He shares so much with me and I have seen him on the verge of tears. He looks into my eyes when he talks to me and at times stares into my eyes without speaking. Today he tells me that he met with his therapist and they both think he should not pursue our relationship until he figures out the path he is taking (which I do agree with) but at the same time tells me how much he enjoys our time together and he will probably have weak moments.

He has always been very concerned about me being hurt or feeling taking advantage of and I have told him on many occassions that we are fwb’s and that I am okay with our relationship the way it is. Most of my friends believe he has feelings for me and wants more with me but he has this issue to work out. I know that giving a Pisces man space is a good thing and I can do that. My concern is that I do have others who are interested in me but if the Pisces man does have feelings for me, then he is worth waiting for.

Genesis,

I would have to say I agree with the advice given too. This is not fair for the child in my opinion if they are in a situation where mom and dad are sleeping with other people where the child is growing up in a loveless environment. The responsible thing to do is to back out I think until he truly straightens everything out on what his future is supposed to be and most importantly what’s best for the child.

Let’s put the situation in reverse. How would you feel if you were the one with the baby and your man was telling another women the same thing you are saying to him now? While it may be an accident, it’s a responsibility that he should have to deal with first. You have to think about this too if you haven’t already. I don’t think there will be such a thing as a “FWB” if he decides to be with you. Basically, you are going to have to be prepared to have this child in your life too if this is a serious relationship. Something to think about as having that child means everyone has to grow up faster as it won’t all be just about spending time together alone.

Pisces lover 69 Asks:

Hi there

I am a Cancer woman Sun in Cancer/Moon in Aquarius/Rising in Aries/Venus 26° in Taurus/N node 23° in Pisces.

My Ex is a Pisces male. Sun in Pisces/Moon in Scorpio/Rising in Cancer/Venus 5° in Pisces/N node 13° in Scorpio.

His mom died almost a year now & she was his rock, his EVERYTHING. He took it hard. He has his bouts with depression & aloneness. He has ups & downs and would randomly text me that he misses his mom so much and feels like he is dying from inside out. I being a Cancer feel his pain as if it was my own.

Well the other day he finally said to me he doesn’t know if he can be in a relationship because 90% of the time he’s down & he barely smiles anymore. No one can help him and he’s lost. (we had been dating 1 year 7 months). He doesn’t know where his head is at & he’s still lost over the death of his mom & it’s unfair to me. I get it because I lost my father too but i had to just cut off all ties with him. He text me 2 days later & said I know I have no right but I still care & wanted to check on you (guess to see if I’m ok)

I love him with all my heart but I can’t be just friends with him (at least no time soon) because my feelings run deep. I am also giving him time & hoping that my absence will show him he misses me and we should be together. But I do not plan on responding to his texts or calls after today. It’s too painful.

Do you think we have a chance at being together again someday & are we a good match? What do you make of this? Thank you. Hurt but I won’t beg anyone to be with me. I am a great catch who doesn’t cheat.

Pisces lover 69,

I am a little unclear if you two are keeping a distance because he is saying it is unfair that he is sad all the time or if his sadness is causing you stress, so to speak, and so you are backing out. It’s really hard for me to say if you two match well as I don’t really know any details of your relationship. However, it’s safe to say obviously he cares for you where he doesn’t want you to endure the pain and suffering he is going through.

I’d like to think that part of a relationship is having the ability to be that person that keeps the other up. Basically, conquering challenges together despite how hard it is. To me it feels more like it’s up to you on whether or not you want to be there for the good and bad. Example, like here when the guy says go away it really means hug him harder kind of thing as he needs it.

Saying he texted you to me means he misses you but doesn’t want to drag you down. It boils down to is this a fight worth fighting for and can you do it without it compromising your well being?

Joanna Asks:

Hi Alan,

I have a question about Pisces male regarding cheating issues. I have a Pisces boyfriend for 2 months. He was a great guy, fun to be with. Can be stupid and smart at the same time. I really liked him that I broke up with my ex-boyfriend for 2 years. I made a mistake and actually admitted it to him that I have cheated on him once. The guy I cheated on was my ex-boyfriend for 2 years. I really want my Pisces guy to be back. I’ve read from different blogs that Pisces have a hard time in forgiving. Currently, we are friends, decided to be fuck buddies actually. He told me he is interested with another girl and now, he flirts with two girls. Is it still possible that we would be together again? I really need your help. What should I do to make him want me again? What should I do for him to forgive me? I would do anything for him. Thanks.

Joanna,

This is kind of an odd scenario. If I am reading this right basically you two have sex together but when it comes to a relationship he is pursuing other women for that. Yet at the same time it seems like based on what you wrote the fact that you slept with your ex while in a relationship with him is causing him to be distant from you emotionally. It’s a bit of a double standard don’t you think?

Generally speaking I don’t think this is what relationship should be about if it’s long-term you are looking for. But in relation to your question in this scenario to me it sounds like he is more about living in the moment at this point. And the fact that he is intimate with you still to me shows he isn’t truly hurt by your past actions as opposed to using it as a reason to justify being with other women.

To me the answer in this case is pretty straight forward but isn’t right in my opinion. Example, are you willing to do various things in order to “stand out” to compete with other girls to make him want you more than others in a superficial way? If this was truly a trust issue he wouldn’t even be close with you physically in my opinion. So to me this is more about seducing him. Is that what you really want though in a guy assuming this is correct? Something to think about.